The New Girl

Three Things That I Love Right Now.

With the [infestation] rise of reality television, I have found less and less that I care to watch on network tv, honestly.  I know that's not a Popular Opinion. I KNOW. My twitter feed tells me so. (I never really watched Lost, either.)

So. I got Showtime a few months back to watch the fourth season of Dexter [in, like, three days] and in the process, discovered the shows United States of Tara and Nurse Jackie.  Who else is watching these shows?

Anyone?

I have to tell you that I love them both. Love! 

Although, I fear, that just like a real-life addict, Nurse Jackie is going to break my heart.  I like her as a character.  She's good-hearted and filled with love and compassion for her patients.  But her addiction is already progressing, right?  She's putting her friends at increasing risk. She's using people and lying and all of the things that people who are addicted to drugs do, when they are actively addicted to drugs. It's going to be a trick to pull off, I think, keeping viewers engaged and liking Jackie, while at the same time staying true to what the experience of being/living with/loving an addict really is.  I'm sure many of you have had first-hand experience.

Also, and perhaps apropos of only this: in my tenure as a medical professional (and in my life) I've known several medical professionals who have been addicted to drugs.  I don't know if they are at increased risk or not, but they have more/easier access and so, it happens.  These assertions of mine are purely ANECDOTAL in nature, so take them for what they're worth (maybe NOTHING to science people, I'm saying.) The access to certain medications is really limited and there are means in place to uncover abuse, so in my experience, the person in question may actually be suspected of stealing meds. And sometimes the places/people for whom they work ask them to 'resign,' doing no formal drug testing or complaining to state agencies, and so the professionals are free to go and work elsewhere. 

The whole point of telling you this is to say that if you, or a loved one is in the hospital and had a medical procedure and feel like the pain medication isn't working, pay attention.  It may be, you know, saline.  It is highly unlikely but not outside the realm of possibility.  Also, if you or a loved one has a visiting nurse for home health care, hide the (good) medications somewhere.  Ahem.  If you are a nurse, you are likely not abusing drugs or taking your patients drugs or lying to your husband/wife/co-workers/family members. I KNOW.  I'm just saying, that Nurse Jackie is sooner or later going to hurt my heart.

Moving on.

United States of Tara is, perhaps, my very favorite portrayal of a person with a Diagnosed Mental Illness. Aside from the fact that her switching is very obvious and her alters are extremely dramatic in their presentation (both understandable in the context), I feel like Tara is portrayed like a real person in a real relationship with a real family.  I love how the show addresses each character's conflicts while maintaining their integrity as whole people.  Too often, I think, the portrayal of those with a Diagnosed Mental Illness are portrayed in a way that is wholly sensationalized and boils them down to ridiculous characitures.  And don't even get me started on what I think of most portrayals of therapy in general.

Anyway. 

Lastly, in this mish-mosh post of reeedonkulousness: I have fallen in LOVE with..um...kid's bento lunches? YES. Kid's BENTO. LUNCHES.

I stumbled upon this website, which I blame for a cascade of web-surfing research and subsequent dreams of cute little picks that look like bunnies and little pieces of fruit leather, cut out to look like stars. Not to mention eggs in the shape of animals! I KNOW.

There is so much in this world about which I am clueless.  CLUELESS!  I had no idea about this entire community, beautifying the world, one lunch at a time.

You're WELCOME. 

Because I'm A Dork And Possibly A Losah.

You know what I'd love to do? Get your minds out of the gutter, people, I'm [celibate] not making a dirty joke.

I'd love to start a Tasting Club.

I know. I KNOW.

I was driving home from work one day and I heard Dina Cheney on NPR talking about her book.

It sounded so fun to me, getting together with a small group of women to try different things and discuss them, etc.  The only problem is [I am a total old lady weirdo] that my friends are far-flung.  I wouldn't be able to form a small group of women in my immediate area.  Maybe one [my sister, who would be OBLIGATED to come] or two but I don't make friends in-real-life all that easily, it would seem.  Even the moms of TLNG's friends, with whom I am friendly, I would still be uncomfortable asking over for such a purpose.

If I could do a virtual Tasting Club, though, THEN I'd be in business. There are MANY women that I've met online that I would LOVE to have come to my house and have a little [gathering where you eat and fill in a survey card afterward, like a crazy chain restaurant] tasting party.

These are some things I'd like to try, if it didn't involve long distance costs &/or risk of shorted-out keyboard from possible spillage to get a group together:

-Chocolate (no brainer, there.)

-Cheeses (NOTHING with um, BLUE in it, even if you spell it Bleu. Just saying.)

-Apples

-Pears

-Teas

-Coffees

Snowday Baking!

So, it's snowing. A for real snowstorm. And while The Man was busy checking out the windows last night, I was snoozing (thank you, baby!) and so I woke up refreshed. At, uh, 4:30am. [Insert easy but bad joke about Murphy's Law, or how it is for a mother, etc. here]

Anyway.

While snowstorms make The Man [and the Philadelphia Area in general] want to watch the news, they apparently make me want to BAKE. At least in my old age. I don't know. It's cold in my kitchen. I want to have the oven on and have the whole place smell like cinnamon, I guess. So, I got up and started to bake. I baked this super easy Cinnamon Teacake.  I [bastardize] adjust the recipe so much that perhaps, I should just write it for you. 

Ingredients:

1/2 cup whole wheat flour (you can use whole wheat pastry flour but I use just plain old whole wheat.)
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 Tbsp Cinnamon
5 Tbsp Butter (I use 50-50 blend butter/smart balance)*
2 Tbsp Applesauce (or the baby food carrots I found in the cupboard b/c I was out of applesauce)**
1/3 cup milk (plus a little extra, I always need)

Topping: (optional)

1 Tbsp butter
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp sugar

Cinnamon sugar for sprinkling

*Ima just going to call it butter for ease and convenience.
**I'm trying to cut back on the ASSLOAD of butter that this recipe calls for.  I might try 1/2 butter and 1/2 applesauce next time. (When I have apple sauce, you know.)

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Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 6in round cake pan (if you HAVE one. Who HAS one of these? I just used a loaf pan.)

2. Melt the butter. In a medium sized bowl mix together the melted butter, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1 tablespoon cinnamon, flour, baking powder and salt, to form a soft dough. Add the milk and mix again till smooth. Pour batter into prepared pan.(The batter is thickish and you have to scrape it in and even it out.)

3. Bake for 30-40 minutes, testing to see if it's done. (It takes exactly 40min in my oven but I have a dark pan and I bake at 325.)

4. If you want to top it, melt 1 Tbsp of butter in a little bowl and add tsp of sugar and 1/4 tsp cinnamon, mix and spread over the cake.  Sprinkle some cinnamon sugar on top.

It's a little crumbly but that doesn't bother me.  It's tasty. And good.

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Also, I added a cup of mini-chocolate chips to the Chocolate Oil Cake with no deleterious, only yummy, effects!

Happy weekend!

Vegetarian Shepherds* (Shepherd's? Shepherds'?) Pie.

This is one of my half-assed recipes that I use no measurements for and so, you know, you're going to be very effing frustrated if you're not a 'Wing It' kind of cook.  Please feel free to [curse me out] ask for clarification in the comment section.

Ingredients:

Medium onion, chopped
Some kind of fake ground beef. (I use a mix of Smart Ground and Gimmie Lean, both usually available in a regular grocery store.)
Oil
Mixed vegetables (frozen or fresh or a combination)
Potatoes (Quite a few. I eyeball it. I use red-skinned potatoes and for this recipe I probably used 6? 7? something like that.)
Salt & Pepper to taste

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Peel and cut and boil potatoes in salted water.

In the meantime, heat the oil over medium heat in a large skillet and add the chopped onions and some salt. Saute onions to soften. When translucent (I hate that word as it pertains to onions,) add the Fake Ground Beef and salt and pepper to taste. (If you're using the Gimmie Lean, it has a sticky texture and so I break it up, add it to the skillet and use two spatulas to kind of 'chop' it as it cooks.)  Cook until it browns a little.

In a smaller sauce pan (if you're using fresh) or in the microwave (frozen) cook the mixed vegetables to tender. (For tonight's, I used fresh carrot, chopped small, and then added peas and corn when the carrot was fork-tender.)

When potatoes are done, mash them as you normally would. (I use earth balance and soymilk but you can use whatever mashes your potatoes.)

In a casserole dish of your choice, put in the FGB. Press it down with a spatula. On top of that, put the mixed vegetables and top it all with the mashed potatoes.

Cover with foil and bake in oven for 40-45 minutes, until it's hot all the way through.

You can serve with or without gravy. I use Hain Vegetarian gravy mix and it's easy and awesome.  I can get it at Wegman's or at Whole Foods.

Enjoy, my Little Bo Peeps.

*Bonus fun fact: When he was a kid, my dad was a shepherd (in the Old Country.)

A Bit Of Family History And Chocolate Oil Cake. Or, A Bunch Of Boring Stuff And A Recipe In Desperate Need Of A Name-Change.

When I was a kid, my mom cooked all the time and also baked quite a bit.  It was only after I left home for college that I truly appreciated her culinary abilities (She could make a DELICIOUS pie crust. From, like, SCRATCH. A feat which seems HERCULEAN to me.)

She used this recipe for chocolate cake that she got from my grandmother, who got it from her mother (who, incidentally, was still alive and making it her own damn self when I was a kid--she lived to be 93 and died the year I got married.) 

Shortly after my great-grandmother died, my grandmother started forgetting things.  It became apparent that it was a problem when she could no longer follow the steps in a recipe for cookies. And five years later, my mother died.

Because so many family traditions reside with the women and the women of my family are no longer, it has been difficult to carry on traditions like that chocolate cake my mom used to make.  My mother's memory was such that she didn't really REQUIRE recipes and the ones that she had were for things like 'Baked Taco Mash' and [shit like that] [stuff that Tess might like] things I don't recall having for dinner.  My grandmother's recipes were intact but reside at my father's house.

To make a long (and somewhat grim, as its turning out) story shorter, The Little Sister and I were left without the recipes to many of our family's traditional baked goods. I have been wanting the recipe for my great-grandmother's cake and I remember that she had called it 'Oil Cake.' (I know. YUM, right? You'll just have to trust a sister that it's DAMN GOOD.)

So, I Googled and came up with one from All Recipes.

CHOCOLATE OIL CAKE

INGREDIENTS:
2 cups white sugar
3 cups all purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups water
1 cup vegetable oil (I use canola)
2 Tablespoons distilled white vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. In a large bowl mix dry ingredients

3. Add wet ingredients. Beat by hand until smooth.

4. Pour into 9x13 pan. Bake for about 40 minutes.

It is the simplest, easiest cake.  It's also VERY GOOD.  Moist and delicious, with frosting or without.  The name is disturbing, I know.  It's made without dairy or eggs and so, you COULD call it Vegan Chocolate Cake but honestly, that inspires just about as much confidence as oil cake, I think.  But it is the taste I remember from childhood.  The next best thing to a family full of alive women, who still bake.

Kinda.

Just trust.

It's YUMMY. 

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Edited to add this:

 

And this:

 

And this:

 

At least she can just check the blog to get the recipe, should she want it when I'm, er, you know.

You'll WANT To Slap Someone, But, You know. DON'T.

The recipe for the Simple Cake came from TLS, who got it off the web by Googling, I think, 'Simple White Cake.'

You can find it here.  I added about 1 tsp of lemon zest to the batter but I imagine that you could add extract or whatever, too.

Mascerated Strawberries
Ingredients:
2 lbs of Strawberries (I was feeding 7 adults and two kids)
About 3/4 C. Sugar
About 2 Tblsp. Orange Juice
About 1 tsp. Lemon Zest
Toasted slivered almonds (optional but very, very good.)

I washed, hulled and quartered the strawberries and then put them into a big-ass bowl.  Add the sugar, OJ, lemon zest and mix well. (I like a little lemony zing, so I taste it and if the lemon isn't showing through, I add a little more. Start off slow, though, b/c if you get too MUCH lemon zest it tastes funky and bitter.)

Cover with cling wrap and put into the fridge.

Open them and stir them occasionally and GET A NEW SPOON EACH TIME BECAUSE SUCKING THOSE STRAWBERRIES OFF THE SPOON AND THEN PUTTING IT BACK INTO THE BOWL NEXT TIME IS GROSS.

Try to save some for topping the cake.

I cooled the cake really well, cut it into little wedges, put a bunch of strawberries and yummy juice on there and then [PILED] put some fresh whipped cream and sprinkled some toasted almonds on top.

Don't say I didn't warn you how good it was. 

Sit at least an arm's length away from the others at your table.

[Edited to add: The leftover cake, wrapped in waxed paper and foil, eaten naked later on, is DELICIOUS with a cup of tea.  Just enough lemon but not too much.  YUM.]

Speshal Sauce And An Off-Color Joke

Here is the content of an email I sent to my friend, after she requested the recipe for my Speshal Sauce (p.s. my family hails from central Italy and we NEVER, EVER called it 'gravy.'  Just saying.) I got an email from a reader, too, after I posted about my grocery issues, asking for the recipe but I [am lazy and no good] lost that email and so, here it is!

Ingredients:
Lots of olive oil (and maybe a little buttah, if I have it)
3 big cans tomato sauce (28 oz or whatever?)
2 big cans tomato puree
1 big can of tomato paste (or two of the teeny ones)
1 medium onion, chopped
5 or 6 cloves of garlic, minced, blitzed or pressed
Salt and pepper
handful of dried oregano

I get a VAT and put a good deal of olive oil in there (and maybe a little buttah.)  Since there's no meat in there and there's lots of tomato, you can't be afraid of the oil.  I put it on medium heat and when the oil is hot, I saute the onion.  Put some salt/pepper in with the onion (you want to soften it, not brown it.)  Stir it frequently and open all those effing cans.

When the onion is soft and translucent, I throw in the garlic for like, THIRTY SECONDS.  You seriously BARELY cook it.  Then I quick put the tomato paste in and stir it all around with a fancy wooden spoon [I bought her one kind of like this b/c she was SERIOUSLY kitchen utensil CHALLENGED], so it all dissolves and is easier to stir, and then you dump in all the tomatoes.  It will be pretty thick and need some water to thin it down.  I usually start by filling one of the large tomato cans with water and dumping that in.  I may add a little more.  It's going to cook down a lot and so you want it a kind of thin(ish) consistency to start with.

Then I add a palm-full of dried oregano and a little more salt and pepper.  You should taste it to adjust the seasonings a little but it still is raw-like and won't taste all that great.  The secret is the LONG-ASS COOK TIME.  I bring it to a bubble and then reduce the heat to a slow simmer.  I stir it now and again but honestly, I cook it for like, 5-6 hours.  It is DELISH.

You can halve the recipe, obv and after it cooled, I put it into 4 cup servings into the freezer.

Now, you're like a REAL DAGO....(I wonder what my genetic profile would say...lol.)

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And so now, here's my off-color, totally politically incorrect ethnic joke.  If you are offended, I am sorry in advance.  But I can't help it.  I love it.

Ready?

Me:  How can you tell where Pink Flamingos live?

You:  I don't know, how?

Me:  You just look for the little plastic Italian men in the front yards...

HA HA!!

Ripped Off Recipes And Original Chocolate Sauce.

Okay so [a couple] dozens of you wanted that fettuccine recipe that I made for the Friday MIL dinner.  I got it from this book:

So, I don't know if I'll get sued for reprinting it, but I'll just tell you that you should also BUY the book because it has some great recipes that aren't super labor-intensive but are still a little more elegant than [my] everyday fare.

Anyway, this recipe is super-simple and I'll just go over what I do.

Ingredients:

Pound of Fettuccine (I use the Buitoni fresh fettuccine and it has 9oz per package so I just adjust everything else to a smidge more.)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
2 TBS chopped fresh basil (or parsley but the basil is yummy.)
1/2 cup MASCARPONE cheese
3 TBS butter (I use smart balance 50/50 blend and it's still great.)
Salt/pepper to taste

Like I said, I adjusted for a smidge more of everything.

You toast the walnuts in a skillet over medium heat, until they become, you know, toasty.  I just wiped out that huge non-stick skillet and did the sauce in there.

Boil the water for your pasta.  If you're making dried, cook it while you make the sauce and reserve some of the cooking water.  If you're using fresh, wait to throw the pasta in. 

In the skillet, melt the butter and add in the nuts and the basil and warm through.

When the pasta is done, I used tongs to pull it out of the water and put it, dripping, right into the pan with the butter.  I then scooped out some of the mascarpone and then put more dripping pasta on top and then a few more little scoops of marscapone and then I used the tongs to mix it thoroughly.  You salt/pepper for taste and add a little bit of the pasta water if it is too sticky and/or dry. It is very nice.

Now!

Onto dessert!

For the MIL dinners, I always have something to finish off the meal and to make it a little special.  In the summertime I would whip some cream and put it over berries with a few chocolate shavings, you know, like that.  Nothing CRAZY.  Since I'd already made cookies the day or two before, I decided to make a homemade chocolate sauce for some vanilla ice cream.  I had NO idea how to do it but this is what I did and it turned out GREAT.

Ingredients:

1 bar of 60% cocoa dark chocolate (I used Ghirardelli), chopped into little bits.
About 1/4 - 1/3 cup half & half (I didn't have heavy cream)
dab of butter
2 drops vanilla
1 tsp powdered sugar

I put the finely chopped chocolate into a bowl. 

I heated the milk to bubbling in the microwave.

I poured the hot cream onto the chocolate and stirred it with a whisk, until the chocolate melted.  I whisked in the vanilla, the butter, and the powdered sugar.  I let it cool a little and then put it over vanilla ice cream.

So, So good, yo.  It made quite a bit, though.  I gave the rest to The Little Sister (she came and got that shit with the quickness.)  Tasting it right out of the bowl, it wasn't too sweet but it made a great compliment to the sweet ice cream.  It wasn't thick and gooey, like hot fudge but it was thick and tasty enough to be satisfying.

xo

You Gotta Be Effing Kidding Me Cookies.

My friends, I really am the definition of *Having Some Nerve.*  Here I am, writing about cookies that are so good, I'm calling them, 'You Gotta Be Effing Kidding Me' Cookies, at a time when it is very possible that I should be saying, 'What are you? Effing kidding me?' in response to someone who asks me if I WANT a cookie.  But whatever.

It's the holidays. (Oh, man. Not good, right?)

Anyway.

It is a recipe that I've been tinkering around with and I think that I've GOT IT.

They are basically Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies, with a little extra LOVE.

Ingredients:

1 C. butter (I use half butter, half earth balance or some other stuff of that kind.) Melted.
1 1/2 C. white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla (you can use more if you really like vanilla, I skimp.)
2 C. flour
2/3 C. GOOD cocoa
3/4 tsp. baking soda
scant 1/2 tsp sea salt
1 TBSP instant coffee granules
2 C. semi-sweet chocolate chips (I used 1 1/2 C. Ghirardelli semi sweet and 1/2 Ghirardelli white chocolate chips.  I'm not super-crazy about white chocolate but in the cookies they were great and they looked extra cute.)
1/2 C. chopped walnuts

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350.

2.  In a bowl, combine flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, salt, chocolate chips and walnuts. 

3.  In a large bowl whisk together melted butter (not hot, just to the point of meltedness), eggs, vanilla and instant coffee.

4.  Add the dry ingredients into the wet in three or so batches, mixing by hand until incorporated.

5. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto un-greased (I used non-stick) cookie sheets and bake for exactly 8 minutes.  Cool for a few minutes on the sheet and transfer to cooling rack.

6. Try not to hate me for giving you this recipe.

Note: The batter looks foocackt, but it's not.  It looks a little dry and crumbly but just TRUST.  Pat those little spoonfuls a tad and then place them, with tender loving, onto the sheet.  They come out chewy and moist and fudgy and DELICIOUS.

xo,

TNG

Cold Weather Smell-Well

Definition:  Smell-Well is what The Man calls anything that, erm, smells good or is designed to make something else smell good.  Candles, perfume, Feebreeze, what-have-you.  Smell-Well is his catch all term for such things.

When the weather turns cold, a few things happen around here.  One, as I've already told you, is that I start bringing all the outside shit into the house.  So far this year, it's been two sweet little Maple leaves:

The second thing that happens, is that I start to make my Fall/Winter Smell-Well. Because this is the current view from my picture window (no shit, wth??):

 

I thought today would be a good day to make it.  And since I was [fresh out of funny and/or creative] thinking of you, I thought I'd share it.  It's easy and I prefer the smell to a candle or a room spray.

Here's what I used:

 

It's one apple, two clementines (I added one later), anise seeds, whole cloves, bay leaves and a cinnamon stick.

I use whatever citrus (orange or lemon) + other fruit (usually an apple or pear) that I have on hand.  You can use fruits that are bruised or that are not long for this world, if you know what I'm saying.  If you have a thing about 'wasting food' for this type of thing...well..I guess you could EAT the fruit and just use the rinds/peels but this way is prettier, I think.  You can also get the cheapie bulk spices (which I usually do for the cinnamon sticks but I ran out of those and so I used one good one.)

Here's what you do (in case, you know, you're a step-by-stepper):

I cut the clementines and tossed them into a saucepan.

.

Then, I cut the apples.  I like the little star-pattern that the core makes when you cut the apple cross-wise.

.

I have the anise seeds, the cloves and the bay leaves.  The ska-much on my hand there is the clementine.  I'm sure of it.

.

The cinnamon stick.  No special reason that it's by itself here.  I just needed two hands to snap it in half and I'd already poured all that other shit into my palm and so--you know--it's by itself.

.

Fill the pan to the top with cold water.

.

 

Put it on your back burner and bring it to a simmer.  You can turn it down then and just leave it in hot water back there.  It infuses a large area and it smells great.  You can add more water and use the same pot for a day or two(ish).

Now I want to go bake cookies.  Or make soup. Or just sit here on the computer and inhale deeply the Smell-Well of Fall. While eating all of the Halloween Candy.