When I am in the process of beginning treatment with a new patient, I do an in-depth interview with the parents first. I ask a bajillion questions to learn as much as I can about what's happening, the patient's early years and temperamental style, as well as the family's structure, culture and the dynamics that keep everything in (or out of) place.
In that first meeting, almost at the end--after I've asked a bunch of dry (sometimes difficult) questions--there is an exercise I do with the parents, in which I ask them to describe their child's personality to me using only three words.
"Can you give me three words to best describe your child's personality? Don't think too hard, just the first three things that come to mind," is basically what I say.
Having the parents try to compress their impressions of their children into so few words can kind of distill them, concentrating and clarifying them. After having heard the prose descriptions of their child, the Three Word Descriptions sometimes sound like poetry. Often, after getting all the sad or scary stuff out of the way, the parents can focus on the positive. Sometimes, it's hard for the parents to get in touch with the positive because of the sad or scared. Whatever the case may be, the results of this exercise are usually very interesting and enlightening.
So, you want to give it a try? It's really kind of fun.
Here are mine:
The Girl: Intense / Tender / Sparkly
The Boy: Funny / Easy / Loveable
Girl: Brave/deep/loving
Boy: Sweet/silly/loyal
That was HARD.
Posted by: Amy | October 17, 2012 at 09:32 PM
My 3 year-old is gentle/giggly/curious.
Posted by: Elle | October 17, 2012 at 09:34 PM
I had to do this for their school actually. And man, it was hard.
Posted by: Kristen | October 17, 2012 at 09:35 PM
Amy: I know, right? But I swear, it gives a good picture, don't you think?
Posted by: The New Girl | October 17, 2012 at 09:35 PM
Kristen: It's harder, too, I think with lots of kids to do. Heh. Sometimes the second parent cheats. lol. What WERE they, though?
TWELVE WORDS.
Posted by: The New Girl | October 17, 2012 at 09:37 PM
15 y o: Quirky / Principled / Wry
10 y o: Sunny / Welcoming / Careful
Posted by: sarah piazza | October 17, 2012 at 09:48 PM
Sarah: I love the descriptor, "Sunny." That's such a great one.
Posted by: The New Girl | October 17, 2012 at 10:00 PM
Jack: joy, blunt, enthusiastic
Liam: sharp, devil, fearless
Posted by: RG | October 17, 2012 at 10:21 PM
Michael's therapist did that and it was really hard. I picked:
smart, funny, impulsive
Posted by: jodifur | October 17, 2012 at 10:38 PM
First, I must say that as a therapist you rock. I took my 13 yr old son to a therapist for the first time and it was a disaster. This therapist didn't want to meet with me alone first, wanted us both at the same time. Needless to say it was awkward, difficult & just not good. My son refused to go back. I really wish I would insisted on meeting with him alone first, to give some background on the situation. I'm sitting her shaking my head thinking about the experience. Ugh. Anyway, gimme a few and I will post 3 words for my 3 kids. Thanks, this is pretty cool
Posted by: Beth G from South Jersey | October 18, 2012 at 09:11 AM
13 yr old son - driven,fearless,empathetic
12 yr old son - sensitive,kind,creative
9 yr old daughter - stubborn,humble,loving
My boys if you can't tell are polar opposites...
Posted by: Beth G from South Jersey | October 18, 2012 at 09:18 AM
Beth: I'm sorry you had a negative first experience. When I'm working with a teen, starting at around your son's age, my initial meetings can go in reverse order. Sometimes, I meet the kid alone first, depending on whatever the parents believe would garner the least amount of resistance from the kid. I always defer to the parents as I'm a firm believer that parents know their kids/families better than I ever will, you know?
At any rate, goodness of fit is essential for good therapy (according to me) and I would say when/if you call around for another try, to follow your instincts and if it feels the person is not for you, cross that one off and move to the next option.
Posted by: The New Girl | October 18, 2012 at 09:33 AM
5yo: earnest/determined/inquisitive
18mo: joyful/empathetic/curious
This was fun and also hard.
Posted by: Laura Lou | October 18, 2012 at 10:12 AM
How fun!
For Ava: Competitve/Athletic/Verbal
Posted by: Tessie | October 18, 2012 at 12:32 PM
Morgan: Intense. Confident. Helpful.
Bailey: Easy. Hysterical. Scattered.
Harrison: Loud. Opinionated. Cuddly.
Posted by: Issa | October 18, 2012 at 01:11 PM
Ren (almost 4!): chatty, playful, moody
Ree (1.5): bossy, stubborn, happy
I think some of my answers are based on their age and not their real personality. I don't know.
Posted by: Becky | October 18, 2012 at 01:18 PM
My 12 year old:
Intense. Hilarious. Caring.
Posted by: Jan | October 21, 2012 at 08:12 PM
I'm catching up here, but this is good considering what we've been going through.
M (5) - Sensitive, smart, fun
H (16 mo) - Determined, wild, affectionate
I wanted to say the toddler is violent, but really that is just an expression of pre-verbal determination.
Posted by: Amelia Sprout | October 24, 2012 at 11:25 AM