Do You Like Onions In Things?

There are a few things that are absolutely GRATING ON MY FUCKING NERVES right now. Would you like to hear about them? [Too Bad.] Oh, good! Here we go.

The first thing is that every single morning for the past, oh, week or so, my son has been waking up at 4 in the morning, weeping and wailing, without stopping until I go in there, armed with a bottle, medicine and [my revenge] some saline nose spray and the nose frida. Even the time change did not disrupt his schedule and he seemed totally oblivious that the 4:00 was really 3:00. He just skipped right over that adjustment and kept on rocking the 4am wake up. As soon as the door opens and I present myself, grumbly and pissed off, the crying magically ceases and he says, 'Mama. Mama.' And then my irritation leaves and the dull resignation-slash-warm-sappiness-AKA-he's-only-little-for-a-little-while-feeling sets in and I hug him up and change his diaper and give him medicine and chuckle at how much he HATES the nose frida. I sit on that fucking exercise ball and give him a bottle and he is SO DROWSY. Then I go to put him in the crib and he twists his little bendy ass around so that he goes in STANDING UP.

Standing.

At 4:30am.

What the fuck is up with that, I ask you?

Anyhow, usually the crying part is over then and either he's up talking and laughing to himself or he is pretty quiet and falls back to sleep. I am, as you could probably guess, completely awake by that time and so, you know. I wake up grouchy and irritable and ill-prepared to handle the rigors of my days. And when I say rigors, I mean my daughter.

Which brings me to the second thing: she is making me nuts. Nuts! With the (intensified and inexplicable) baby-talking! And the (renewed after a long, lovely absence) Crazy-Ass Temper Fits! And the (brand new) Ignoring Me-Slash-Selective Mutism! Where she refuses to answer the simplest question! At all! I don't have to provide you with an illustration of how all three of these behaviors combine to create the MOST ANNOYING SITUATIONS IN HISTORY, do I? I didn't think so. You can trust that they DO. Every day, multiple times a day.

I am threadbare and due mostly to the sleep deprivation, my patience is thiiiiiiin. I find that I have an annoyed edge to my voice whenever I'm talking to my daughter and today it started at 7:03am, when she refused to say good-morning or give me our customary Morning Hug and insistently said the baby word, 'Powwnnyyyy,' over and over, to indicate, I suppose, that she wanted me to find her lost pony.

Can you hear that clicking? It's my MARBLES. I'm losing them one by one.

Anyway.

If it wasn't for my promise to myself that I was going to post more regularly, I'd be suffering in silence [and you wouldn't have had to suffer through this post.]

Before I go back to drinking coffee and breathing deeply before tackling the giant job of unloading the diswasher, I'll tell you the story behind the title of this post.

After my mom died, The Little Sister and I went back to my hometown to have Thanksgiving with my dad and my grandfather. We were making all the family favorites in our own way, really, and worked our aaaaasses off. We included my grandmother's mac and cheese. My sister, however, omitted the grated raw onion on top, since none of us liked it anyway. The crunchy texture just didn't suit us. This was our first-ever time making a Thanksgiving dinner. And we were without my mom. It was tough.

If you've never read about my grand-dad, this might not make too much sense but you have to know that he's sort of...er...difficult. Kind of obsessive and nit-picky and before and during dinner he made a series of remarks and comments that I'm SURE he thought were benign but were actually most annoying.

So.

After dinner, my grandfather was telling The Little Sister how good everything was. Then he said, 'Do you like onions in things?' And my sister was all, 'Huh?' And he said, 'Do you like onions in things?' And my sister was all, 'Uh. Yeah, sure.' And he said, 'You know what's good? For the Macaroni and Cheese, you take an onion and you just grraaaaate that onion right on top.'

And I had to suppress my deep, deep, laughter when my sister leaned in and muttered, 'You mean like how you're grrrraaaatting my nerves right now?'

Comments

[Swistle]

Favorite parts: the crossed-out "Too Bad" and then "Oh good!"; the "And when I say rigors, I mean my daughter"; and the part about that clicking sound being your marbles getting lost.

My daughter, too, is doing the selective mute thing. One thing that has been working for me when I really need an answer out of her, is I hold her hand and I say "Is it ____? / Are you ____? / Do you need _____? Squeeze once for yes." I don't know why it works, because she refuses all other attempts to get her to communicate.

[kayla]

You know what is so funny - that I am going through the same exact FUCKING thing with my daughter.. I have been losing my marbles now since Sept.. BUT here is the kicker for YOU!!! My daughter is 13!!!! SO I feel you, I FEEL YOU SO MUCH that I can almost send you some Mac and Cheese with Raw Onions on top to make you feel better {{{evil laugh}}}

[Kate]

Sometimes I look at all of the humans in the world and marvel that most of their parents survived with some level of intactness (intactitude?). Because, really, some days it is almost impossible to make it one more step.
Somehow, though, you're doing it. And making us laugh along the way. Thanks.

[Cheryl]

Ohhhh is it good to have you back. Keep right on venting. Hopefully, it helps you as much as it helps us.

[Backpacking Dad]

I've forgotten what a good night's sleep feels like. My son is always up, lately.

And it's only after a week or two that I start to think "ear infection". It's always an ear infection, isn't it?

[a]

I remember those stages. They were both awful.

The best part of difficult relatives is the side conversations they create!

[Amelia Sprout]

The parasite wakes me up at 4:30, and also did not adjust to the time change. I think she's preparing me or something...

M went through that whole regression, baby talk, fits, thing too. I think it is a phase. Because last week we had three whole days of "perfect" behavior at daycare. Shot again by yesterday, but three days are awesome!

[Forgotten]

Ok. I'm all caught up. I have missed you. Yours was the first blog that I ever read and I have followed you pretty religously until life got to too busy and I ran out of time to check in and then I finally do check in and YOU'RE BACK! YES!

Anyways, I hate onions in things and I have a son who has had selective hearing since birth. I swear it's been since birth because he only hears what he wants to hear. No matter how many times you tell it to him. My last marble fell out a long time ago. Good luck and I hope the way too early in the morning wake up calls stop soon.

[Liz from Welcome to the Juggle]

Man o man, you crack me up!

I am so glad that you are posting more regularly.