The Slackerest Halloween Crafts EVER.

So, on Twitter I've been posting pics of some of the [lame-ass] quick & dirty Halloween Crafts that I've been doing with TLNG.  Cara Mama asked if I would mind sharing the 'How To' of the Notorious Ghosts, Spooky House and Glitter Pumpkin.

And so, here we are. 

There are a few things you should know before we get started.  1) I am a half-assed crafter. At absolute BEST.  2) I made these crafts with a 3 year old. 3) I made them without the intention of posting a 'How To' and so there is no real photo-documentation of a step-by-step nature, which would seem to be the bare minimum requirement of a for-real craft post (see Number 1.)

The key to doing almost any [half-assed] craft with kids is knowing and respecting their developmental level-slash-attention span.  Trying to do too much or something too complicated usually ends in tears of frustration (yours) and time outs (theirs. Or, maybe yours too.)  For a 3 year old, I'd say 10 minutes TOPS, with the task being simple-like.  Even pre-making things for the kid to assemble and embellish works well, too.

M'kay.

The Notorious Paper Towel Ghost Slacker-Craft

Materials:
Newspaper or other kind of paper
Paper towels (or tissue or square pieces cut from an old sheet--which would cut down on the half-assedness, though, so do that at your own risk.)
Tape (or yarn or string)
Permanent marker
Thread (or yarn or string)

Process:
1) Wad up a little ball of newspaper.

2) Wrap paper towel or tissue around it and use tape or yarn or string to tie it off, underneath the 'head' of the ghost.

3) Let your kid get her grubby mitts on the Sharpies, like she is always DYING TO DO, to make a spooky face (or a nice one! Ghosts can be nice too! Crazy-skerrd of everything 3 year olds will tell you that! REPEATEDLY!)

4) Tie a piece of thread around the neck and to the back of the ghost head and then use tape to fasten it wherever. (You don't need to tape it up the back of the head if you want them to dangle from the ceiling but it will keep them 'upright' against a window or whatever.)

They look a little spooky this way...BoooooOOooOoOOOoOOooo!

 

The Spoooooky House Slacker-Craft

This one came about because after the ghosts, my kid said, 'Why don't we have a Spooky House for the window, Mommy?'

'....'

So I looked on The Internet for 'Spooky House Template' and got one to [copy from] inspire me.

Materials:
Black, yellow & green construction paper
Scissors or exacto knife
Tape
Glue stick

Process:
1) Use pen to [copy] approximate the outline of the Spooky House.  Keeping in mind (as all half-assed, slacker-crafters will) that the lines on the Spooky House are not meant to be straight. So, your usual [crooked as hell] eyeballing it will be fine. NO NEED FOR A STRAIGHT-EDGE!! (The Call of the Slacker-Crafter.)

2) Using the side of one scissor blade (or an exacto) cut out the window parts. Use the scraps to cut out a few [blackbirds. bats. blackbirds.] bats.

3) Layer the green under the black and tape on.

4) Layer the yellow behind the black so it shows through the openings. Cut a big rounded top, to look like the moon.

You can see how [fookackt it is] it's just layered. And crooked.

5) Glue-stick (Or half-ass tape, like I did) on the [Blackbirds. Bats. Blackbirds.] bats and tape the whole shebang, face-out, onto your window.

  Come Eeen. If you dare. MMwwwaahahahahaaa!

 The (Actual Real Craft) Glitter Pumpkin (AKA: Bastardized Martha Stewart for 3 year olds.)

This one made me LOL. I happened to watch a 4 minute On Demand 'Glitter Pumpkin Craft' clip from Martha Stewart.  My kid said, 'Mommy, can we do what that woman did?'  She even remembered the directions.

So, how is a Half-Assed Crafter supposed to say no to THAT?

We got some fancy-ass glitter and we used the pumpkin that she *picked* at her preschool.

Materials:
A Fuck-ton of Fancy-ass glitter (or, you know, a fuck-ton of regular glitter) of your kids' color choice.
Cookie sheet lined with paper
Paint brushes
Disposable bowls
School glue (in one of the bowls)
Acrylic Paint for stem (I used old ass acrylics that were laying around.)
Small pumpkin

Process:
1) Put the pumpkin on the cookie sheet (Martha said to never pick it up by its stem but TRUST, we used that bitch like a HANDLE) and brush school glue* on half the pumpkin.  Use a teaspoon to scoop glitter (out of another bowl) and sprinkle it all over the glued area.**

*I gave her a brush for [smearing the fuck-all out of the glue] spreading the glue and I used my brush to wipe the glue trail off her brush and to even out the glue she [smeared the fuck-all-OVER] applied.

**I turned the pumpkin around and around and up and down to present her with 'holes' for her to 'sprinkle' (read: dump entire contents of spoon directly DOWNWARD.)

2) Wait for that half to dry. (I did a pre-bought easy crafty to do in between, I KNOW.)

3) Repeat on the other side.

4) Wash your glue brushes.

5) When it's reasonably dry, get a little acrylic paint (a darkish color) and put it in a bowl. Dip the brush in and paint the stem.  (This step might be optional but it really makes it look pretty.)

 

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YOU ARE WELCOME WOULD-BE HALF-ASSED SLACKER CRAFTERS!

Happy Halloween

 

 

Comments

[zma]

A smart blog! i like the way you present your blog. I mean everything in here is just so worth it. Keep it up.

[Rachel Assuncao]

Looking for easy halloween crafts to do and stumbled on this post. Thanks for the great ideas - and a really good laugh.

[Melba]

Stumbled on your blog via a link from caramama's... these crafts are awesome!

And, btw, I thought they were crows. Or ravens, those are more ominous. :)

[Emily]

Love the glitter pumpkin! Would try it w/Maisie but I caught her eating dirt out of the planters yesterday and am sure most of the glitter would end up in her mouth when I was being distracted by the glue everywhere. Maybe next year.

You're such a great slack-ass crafter I think this should be a regular segment!

[Diane]

We do the paper towel ghosts here, but I don't even bother to wad up some newspaper - I just put a paper towel over a Tootsie Pop and call it a day.

[PunditMom/Joanne Bamberger]

I have SOOO needed some slacker crafts! And the good thing is, our kids will never know we're being slackers! ;)

[a]

I am in the process of making a spooky house Halloween costume. I got the main part of it done (felt "siding," painted windows) and my daughter said "It's not spooky enough." Fortunately (for her health and well-being), we hadn't added the ghost, bat, and spider stickers yet, so now that that's done, I think we're OK. Now I just have to sew it together properly. I can't sew.

[-R-]

Glitter plus toddler = you are a much more fun mother than I am.

[Mama Bub]

I love that pumpkin! That looks just about right for my child's minute attention span. A friend of mine posted pictures of her son painting a pumpkin on Facebook the other day, and ever since they I've been BEGGING my son to paint a pumpkin with me. "No fanks," he says, "let's just play Hi-Ho Cherry-O again." Maybe the super fancy ass glitter pumpkin is the way to go.

[caramama]

Those. Are. Awesome!

Thanks for the slacker how-tos! That's just how I need my craft project decorations! The 3.5 yo and I will be doing these this weekend!

[The Domestic Goddess]

You're making us all look bad. Stop it. But then again, you ARE the person that makes those bento lunches.

[Amanda]

Promise you are keeping that pumpkin up until it becomes mantle sludge....