How She Ended Up On The Living Room Floor, In Her PJ's And Watching TV At Lunch Time.

My girl started preschool.  And so far, the reviews are mixed.  I think she likes it.  She likes everything they do there.  It is an amazing place with an actual curriculum, for pete's sake. There are some farm animals, a little green house, gardens and two play grounds, complete with a water table and a gigantic sandbox. She likes the teacher and the aide.  She goes to the bathroom there, with no issue.  She washes her hands, sits in circle time and has her snack ("Cookies and apples, today!")

The only problem is, I'm not there.

"I want you to staaaaay, Mommy!" She pleads with me every time.

(I find it interesting, her choice of words. She never says, "I don't want to go," she says things like, "I don't want to miss you, Mommy," or "Can you stay with me?")

It's been a tug and pull on my heart, for sure, the moment of weeping before they whisk her out of my car, but perhaps less so than for some.  I signed my girl up for this, not for the educational/academic benefit but mainly because I think she needs the experience of being with adults apart from me, in a setting where her cooperation is expected and required.  She needs to learn and get used to routines outside our own, in close proximity to other kids, whose need for personal space may be, uh, less expansive than her own.

I wish, though, that I could be a fly on the wall.  I wish that I could see how she interacts with the teacher and the other kids when I'm not there to hide behind or cling to, or to remind her to stop chewing on her finger.  But having had loads of experience in school systems and with first time parents' anxieties, I've resisted writing copious notes or lurking outside the door to see how she's doing.  I've used the valet service instead of walking her in and then having to peel her from my legs to say goodbye.  I'm waiting to volunteer in her room until I know she's [not going to stick to me like a burr when it's time to leave] anxiety free about being there.

I'm doing what I can to help ease her transition.  Even though she's only going two days a week, there have been other *behavioral indicators* that she's having a little more anxiety than is usual for her.  She's having trouble falling to sleep again.  She wants only me again (after a blissful but short-lived period of time during which she preferred her father.)  There's also just the joy of being three.  Sassy.  Fresh.  Whining. Whining. WHIIIINING. [Trying to drive her mother to eat chocolate cake at 9:00 AM] Getting 50 time-outs before lunch. Crying when I have to go to work (ONE DAY A WEEK.)

So, today I asked her what she wanted to do. 

And she said, "Nothing." 

I said, "Nothing?  What do you mean? Where do you want to go today?"

She said, "I don't want to go ANYWHERE.  I just want to STAY HOME."

And this is what I heard:

"There's just been a lot, lately.  I'm feeling kind of stressed.  I didn't sleep well last night and I just want to hang out here, with you, and veg on the couch.  I need a Mental Health Day."

And, you know, so do I.

Comments

[Manic Mommy]

I was just thinking last night I hadn't heard from you in a while. I'm so happy for you and TLNG! School is such a huge step! I think preschool is so much more about circle time and taking turns and standing in line and listening to someone who isn't your parent.

Good for you for hearing what she really was saying. We too have pajama days even for the nearly eight year old.

[Kelly]

At nearly 5, Lillian still has trouble transiting from home to school and then back to home again. Many times our afternoons are stressed and strained and filled with naughtiness, and I've told my husband that I think she's paying me back for abandoning her at school.

TLNG's going to be alright. Two days is great for her age. And she's not screaming and crying and clinging, which is a good sign. It's just a transition that's tough for everyone, and just means she's working some things out.

(Christ, I sound like I have it all figured out. Fuck if I know.)

[The Domestic Goddess]

Way to go! You heard her loud and clear. You rock, Momma. Sometimes we just have to have those days.

[Sam]

Three. I remember three with dread and terror for what the future holds. The only year as bad as three was twelve. That being said, I think you are doing exactly the right thing. Listen to your gut and your daughter. You're a rock star mommy. But you know that!

[jodifur]

That's kind of adorable, in a break your heart kind of way.

[abbey]

Interestingly, my 3.5 year old has reverted to some "Nothing" statements lately too...interesting.

[lora]

I know this song and dance all too well. It makes my heart melt into my feet and then my feet get so heavy that I can hardly walk away.

Jake does the same thing. It's never "please stay", it's "you look so beautiful that I just want you here so I can look at you all day" or "my heart needs your heart to be close so I can be a better person". It's all too much.

And then it started at bedtime too.

And the begging for "stay at home days" kills me.

Can we please figure out how to deal with this soon? Because I don't know if I can go on much longer. I'm just about ready to quit my job and home school. Too bad my husband isn't on board with that.

Well, him nor my wallet.

[The New Girl]

Oh, Swistle, don't give me too much credit. I'm not sure it's even a semi-regular experience. *sigh*

Princess Hippopotamus: I pull up into the circle and a sweet lady comes and gets my kid out of her car seat and takes her to her room. In the afternoon, I can pull up and they put my kid in the car-seat. I don't know if other places have that--they call it the valet service, which I thought was a funny name but a WONDERFUL option, as I don't have to get the 'Prone-to-Launch-Himself-Head-First-to-the-Floor' baby out of the car to drag her inside.

[Princess Hippopotamus]

what the eff is preschool valet service!?!?!

[a]

Ha! Even when it's all too much, my daughter always asks "what are we going to do tomorrow?" And if the answer is "Nothing," she starts pestering me for something to do. I wish she could recognize that hanging out in her PJs all day is something she needs to do once in a while.

She also hated drop off time (at daycare) for the longest time, but once we figured out that she would be fine if she could literally push me out the door (i.e. take control herself), some of the problems eased. She also would like it if I stayed at school with her.

[Issa]

We all need just chill days. That's what we call them at my house. Just chill days. Generally it happens on a Sunday. Those, tend to be my favorite days. No drama. No cleaning. No errands. No activities. Just TV and books and playing. Pants not required. :)

[Swistle]

I admire/envy your ability to hear what she's saying and how she's saying it.