I Should Just Title This Post: Can't Skate On Any Of These Ponds Cause These Bitches Ain't Frozen Yet. Or, Alternately: If You Follow Me On Twitter, You Prolly Know All This Shit Already.

I feel wrung out. 

Like over the past two weeks, I've been full to bursting and then squeezed empty and then refilled and then squeezed again.  It's hard to imagine that only a short time ago, I was in NYC, staying at the Hilton and communing with some of the funniest, smartest, prettiest women (plus, like, two guys) on the planet.  There were lots of highlights for me, too many to link when I'm feeling so bleary-eyed and do you really want to read The Internet's Most-Delayed BlogHer Recap?  Honestly, in Internet Time, BlogHer was like, 10 years ago. So, it's like I'm sitting behind my word-processor, suited up in my Member's Only jacket, writing about something that happened before you were BORN.

I'll say that I got to see so many of my good friends and introduce myself and express my [writer's crushes] genuine affection for the work of most everyone on my 'I want to meet them and gush about their work' list.  I got to talk about things that really matter with a few awesome women.  I got to meet lots of people that I have wanted to meet. Plus, if you follow me on Twitter, you undoubtedly saw the CUPCAKE that I got to eat because I CRASHED the birthday celebration of a very sweet, tutu-making maven.

Of course there are 70 quadrillion people that I forgot to link and so, just know if it was you I forgot to link, I already understand that I suck. Prophylactically. 

And, if you are the ball-less motherfucker who stole the bag I got for [air-quote] running [air-quote] the Tutus-for-Tanner 5K? You know, the one with the autographed, sure-it's-awesome Dread Crew in it? YOU CAN SUCK IT. (I hope you liked the book, though, even though it WASN'T ADDRESSED TO YOU.)

Anyway.

I got home and it was official that The Boy was weaned.  Fully weaned at 10.5 months.  Hard to describe how I feel about it, really.  The fact that I went without nursing for 4 days and never ONCE leaked or felt full/tingly led me to believe that he hadn't been getting that much anyway.  My production was a challenge for months and months and man.  I really just don't want to totally get into it.

A couple days later, I had to turn around and leave my kids for ANOTHER four days to go to my childhood home to pack up my dad's stuff and move him close to The Little Sister and I.  It's hard for me to articulate what that experience was like but I'm sure that you can imagine it.  On Twitter I posted all the reeeeediculous things that we unearthed there (plus, the world's WORST EVER wallpaper which NO ONE commented on because by the time it made an appearance, they were all immersed in the crazy and didn't EVEN NOTICE,) partly because it was funny as hell and partly because I deal with the not-funny by turning it into the funny.

Then I came back to two kids who were crazy out of their minds, testing like motherfuckers, trying to adjust to Mommy being away-coming back-being away. Not to mention that they both had some bug that manifested in horrible napalm-poo explosions of the 'Requires A Morning Bath' kind.  When those cleared up, there came a baby who refused to sleep at all (AT ALL!) confusing the shit out of us before it became apparent that he was suffering from a cold, that he gave to his sister.

So, I had my first Total-Without-Sleep night since my son was 2 months old.  It was as sucky as I remember.

Anyway. So, now you're caught up.

Geezuz.

What's new with you?

Comments

[lora]

It sure was nice seeing you up there. Maybe we can make it happen in our own town soon.

And I hear every word of this. I've been miserable since leaving NYC (did I explain to you why I jetted with no explanation? I went to the bar to get water and while there I got a text from my wonderful husband who was outside of the hotel to take me home so I didn't have to take the bus before sunrise the next day. I didn't expect him to get to Midtown so fast, and I'm really bad at goodbyes. I always cry. Especially while drinking. So, I left.

Love to you lady. I hope things are looking up

[Kelly @ Student of the Year]

Holy Crizzap, T. I feel exhausted just reading this. It's been like, what, 1 1/2 years since I've seen you? I'm thinking we needs to remedy this shit, yo.

Karma's gonna come back to kick that thief in the ass. Unfortunately, none of us will be able to witness that.

Napalm poos, sleepless nights, hella-emotional packing jobs....and BlogHer! I don't blame you one bit if you need something strong.

[The New Girl]

Laura: Perhaps what compelled you to share was the set of 56980498 questions that I asked you while you were talking. Lifetime would not do your story justice. I would hold out for a major motion picture deal, although admittedly, viewers would be all, 'THAT SHIT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN'. That story and our whole conversation and meeting you were all amazing.
xo

[Backpacking Dad]

I wrote a BlogHer recap six months after the conference. There's still time.

[laura]

the cupcakes were amazing. the conversation, wonderful. i'm a little embarrassed that i shared my whole Lifetime movie story with you but what can i say, there's something about you that compelled me to share. i would apologize but you definitely put a bug in my ear. i don't know how or where to start but i promise to write that story down because Lifetime does need fresh new stories.
PS i loved, loved, loved your tweets while moving your dad's stuff. i hope you can now slow down, exhale and take care of you!
so nice to meet you.

[Issa]

Here: Cupcakes. For you.

Hugs honey. I hope every starts feeling better soon.

[The Domestic Goddess]

Sigh. Yeah, shit from your dad's house was pretty damn awesome. Srsly.

I hate poo explosions. Almost as much as puke explosions.

[Jodifur]

I'm just so glad I got to see you. You were one of the reasons I really I wanted to go.

[Tania - Chicky Chicky Baby]

I loved your updates on Twitter from your Dad's house. Cracked my sh*t up.

Also, how is it that every conference I never get to spend any quality time with you? We're in the same room just... not close enough. *sniffle*

[Amelia Sprout]

Best birthday ever, even with all the sick. So glad I got to hang out with you again this year.