So, I don't know if we are deep into some kind of heinous sleep regression or if there's a general sucky sleep formula brought on by two back-to-back trips away, weaning, learning to walk and talk (for the baby) and impending preschool and learning to run and climb somewhat fearlessly and scream exceptionally loudly for TLNG.
Whatever the cause, the result is the same.
A level of heartbreak and angst that is unexplainable, for the sheer number of superlatives involved.
In other words: Oh My Holy Fucking Hell.
It's one thing to bring a newborn home, into an already established family with a well-functioning sleep routine. You just KNOW that shit is going to get harshed. And good. But when that newborn grows and sleeps SLEEPS! Through the night! And your toddler-slash-preschooler (is she REALLY a preschooler? Holy Shit,) is also a champion sleeper! Well, this kind of thing can come right out of left field to simultaneously bite you on the ass and run you over like a truck.
Part of it is that, with my son, I find myself losing track of those Sleep Regressions/Wonder Weeks/Whatever the hell reasons that you can find to explain the fucking insanity of early childhood behavior switch-ups. I'm saying that next month (NEXT MONTH!) he's going to be a year old. He's standing and cruising and balancing all by himself. He's babbling and playing games and eating me out of house and home. But because there's twice the motion and keeping track with two kids, I just..well, let's just say that a few nights ago I realized that I was going to have to plan a first birthday party and it took me..totally off guard. WTH?
I'm sure that the sleep deprivation is at least partially to blame.
I find myself slogging through, trying to force myself to work, to clean, to write, to address the frigging package to Jess already, because, DAMN. The lack of sleep works on me, though. It's one of the things that I most hate about parenting. (One of the others is Mr. Potato Head. Just saying.)
I know that I will sleep again.
I know that my son will start walking (send help when he does, cause, omfg) and talking and sleeeeeping again. I know that my daughter will start preschool and will work through whatever the hell is making her scream her head off at 2:48 in the morning because she can't get her hair to go the right way.
It's temporary. That's my mantra whenever we are in a 'bad spot,' sleep or behavior wise. It's temporary.
The thing is: we're four weeks in already and there's no end in sight.
*sigh*
I think I might need a new mantra.
I got nothing. I'm in the trench with you. Last night I got up five times (FIVE) between the hours of 11 and 5:30. Twice for the baby, three times for the two-year old. I'm dying over here. Dying. It's not always that bad, but it's always bad.
I guess they heard me pondering a while back that a third kid wasn't out of the realm of possibility. It is now, friends. It is now.
Posted by: Alias Mother | August 30, 2010 at 01:46 PM
Sleep deprivation is totally the reason we don't have a third child. Well, that and have you *met* Gremlin?
Life gets good when one's in school. Life gets even better when both are.
New mantra suggestion: I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Good times.
Posted by: Manic Mommy | August 30, 2010 at 03:52 PM
With all the trials and tribulations of parenthood, nothing is hard for me than sleep issues. For instance, Sam is absolutely miserable today and a nap would do him wonders. But will he sleep? Hell no. So he's even more miserable and I'm getting closer and closer to the end of my rope. Sleep when you're tired! It seems so simple and yet is so difficult for the wee ones. Again, I want to know why there's no Baby Ambien on the market.
Posted by: Erica | August 30, 2010 at 04:07 PM
*huuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggssssss* PS: Birthday party? Only if it is for you (keeping him alive and well a whole year should get moms presents IMO) and involves a foot rub. For you.
Posted by: anne nahm | August 30, 2010 at 04:36 PM
And by 'keeping him alive' I mean any mom keeping any kid alive and well.
Posted by: anne nahm | August 30, 2010 at 04:38 PM
The worst is when you're in it and can't see out the other end. No matter how many times you "it's just a phase" yourself, it is so much harder to make yourself believed it. I get stuck in believing that the way that it is, is the way it will always be, forever and ever, amen. Not so encouraging, that kind of thinking.
Posted by: Mama Bub | August 30, 2010 at 05:31 PM
I love to sleep, so sleep issues have always screwed with me. It is the part of second kid that scares me the most, yet I trudge on. M was a crappy sleeper, so we co slept and I took the happy pills so that I could survive work. Hell, I still take naps on weekends when she does, sometimes with her.
Good luck, it can't last forever.
Posted by: Amelia Sprout | August 30, 2010 at 06:26 PM
Oh I hear you. Ever since my second started walking (9 months old. W. T. F.? Didn't you get the memo?? NO EARLY WALKING.), it's been Crazy Town over here.
New mantras:..... I got nuthin.
Posted by: Clueless But Hopeful Mama | August 30, 2010 at 08:25 PM
When you figure out the mantra, please pass it on. I'm in exactly the same boat. With the almost-year old toddler and the screaming-at-three-am preschooler.
Oh, and Mr. Babycakes? Has a diaper rash that requires PRESCRIPTION STRENGTH DIAPER CREAM. Oh my hell. (I am half afraid that someone is going to think I'm neglecting him or something...)
Never mind, forget the mantra. Send vodka.
Posted by: Di | August 30, 2010 at 10:11 PM
I've been there and it will get better. Swear to gah. I am living and mostly functioning proof.
Posted by: Chicky Chicky Baby | August 31, 2010 at 01:16 PM
I'm just sitting there with you, nodding. No one is sleeping here! No one! We're tantruming and screaming and frustrated and ... not sleeping.
I'm so sorry, dude. I'm sure it's 100 times worse with two.
Much love.
Posted by: jonniker | August 31, 2010 at 08:08 PM
I'm SO SORRY.
That's a good mantra. I remember so well how we'd be doing all well and good on the sleep front, and then suddenly something would come along and fuck it all up. Nightmares suck ass.
It will end, either by work or by things ironing themselves out. But that's impossible to see when you feel like your entire waking life is a giant bottle of Tylenol Simply Sleep.
Posted by: Kelly @ Student of the Year | September 01, 2010 at 11:18 AM
Sleep deprivation is the worst. I slept so little in my son's first year (and the second wasn't always much better), that now that he is 2 I just can't bear it when he is up screaming. I immediately crumble and cry because I am still not "caught up" and I instantly fear that it is going to be every night again. So all I can say is (from the experience of my daughter who is now 7 and sleeps through fire alarms and screaming babies) the phases of disrupted sleep seem to get shorter and shorter.
Mr. Potato Head, I don't mind so much. But those Bratz dolls are pure evil.
Posted by: sarah | September 01, 2010 at 05:11 PM
I've changed my mantra from "its temporary" to "where's the vodka?" cuz I'm not sure I buy this temporary shit!
Posted by: Emily | September 08, 2010 at 05:27 PM
Keep plugging at it. Just when I got two nights IN A ROW of the baby FINALLY sleeping through the night, I can't sleep, have freaky dreams, and wake up frequently. FML.
Anywho, good luck and just hang in there. Nap when you can. That's my mantra, screw the phases, just nap when you can...
Posted by: Forgotten | September 09, 2010 at 02:17 PM