So, I Should Title It: The Same, The Same, Everything Is The Fucking Same.

It seems that when things get hectic for me, I shut down. Isolate. Make like a turtle and fucking Shell-Up. If you've been reading here for any length of time at ALL, you are like, 'Yeah. News flash of the effing CENTURY, that.'

Anyway.

Part of the reason, I think, that I drop off of writing when things are stressful for me is that there is a certain lack of movement.  For me, much of my own self-inflicted frustration and angst comes from not having enough motivation to create the inertia that is necessary for me to affect (effect?) some actual change.  For some people, I imagine that wanting to change and then doing the things that are required to make the change, is a more or less linear process.  They kind of decide, (or whatever their equivalent process is) and then they go all Nike and you know...Just do it, already.

Oh, how I covet this kind of personality trait.  Seriously. COV.ET.

Whether or not it's a trait that they got by DNA transfer or an ability that they've honed and shaped over years of steady practice...I don't know. It ELUDES me.  Consistency in many areas just..doesn't come naturally to me.  It is one of my most hated Mental Glitches and the one that has caused me the most angst, long term.

I start. And stop. And start. And forget. And start. And get side-tracked by some major fucking life event. And start. And want to tear out my hair. Aaaaaand, you get the idea.  It's fucking frustrating as hell.  And also? I'm sure Wicked Boring to read about.

So, I don't write.

Because, seriously.

Do you want to read about how I have to start over AGAIN with paying attention to what the hell I'm putting in my mouth? Or how I've yet to figure out to make working out a consistent part of my routine? Or how my temper is STILL giving me a problem and making me doubt my ability to EVER be a half-way patient parent? Or how my dad is still here, feeling depressed and facing huge life-changing decisions? Or how I'm still taking remedies that get stuck in my throat so that I can keep my boobies juicy?

Maybe you do and I am underestimating your [motivation to avoid your work] [masochistic tendencies] ability to commiserate and identify with my [groundhog's day life] issues.  Either way, I fear that I am testing your patience.  And not that I write this blog SOLELY for the readers and what it is that they want from me, but part of what drives me to write here is the interaction.  The communication.  The connection.

And I am just SO not interested in being that one friend you have who complains about the same shit over and over.

Because, DAMN, she's annoying. Ain't it?

Comments

[Christina]

You'll never bore me, but I am nodding furiously in agreement, realizing that I shell-up when life gets too crazy for me, too. Although it's not only an unwillingness to write much, it's also a complete hibernation from anything social.

Exhibit A: It's May 25 and I'm just now commenting on this post. Ugh. I'm sorry for being a sucky blog friend.

Hang in there - things will calm down and you'll find reasons to be more social again. Or maybe you already have and I just haven't read that far yet. I must catch up...

[Forgotten]

I have been there. I am probably still there which is why I'm reading blogs instead of updating mine.

I like hearing about the same ol' same ol' because you never tell the same story twice, even if it's about the same thing. You rock girl and we're here listening if you need us. :-)

[jodifur]

you could never, ever bore me.

I'm just late to the party.

[Marie Green]

Dude, parenthood is one long Groundhog's Day of sameness. Or at least it feels that way to me at times. I think it's a Christmas miracle that *any* of us so-called "mommy bloggers" can even form a few unique sentences IN A ROW day after day.

I'm newish to your blog, but I don't find you tone to be whiny. And I relate to the stop. start. stop. start. stop. etc that you describe. Especially when it comes to an exercise routine/eating plan. I eat healthy. I exercise. But do I have a hard-and-fast routine, that is just part of my day without thinking about it? Um... that would be NO.

[Amelia Sprout]

Fiddlesticks, am tired and should be in bed. I miss you when you're GONE. I need a proofreading monkey.

[Amelia Sprout]

Lady, I just miss you when you're done. I don't care if you talk about the same shit over and over again. Whatever you need to do to get you through the day. If you want to write about it though, you know I'll read it (eventually, I'm lax like that these days)

Also, Maura is my hero.

[Laura]

I'm behind on my reading...mostly because I save you for last because you are my favorite! I'll read anything you write because your writing it like the voice inside my head.

[the new girl]

-R-: OH FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Now I'm confused again. It's affecting my effectiveness. Effectively.

[Barnmaven]

I have sort of a different problem...I can blog when I'm underwater, I just don't talk to anyone in real life. I think everyone handles their life shit differently.

I'll read whatever you write, even if its three weeks between posts or you write about the same thing every day for a week. Its all good.

[Kader]

I panicked the other day, thinking that I had mistakenly forgotten to list you in my Google Reader, er, list. But then I realized that you have SO. MUCH. going on, and I knew why you'd been silent.
You never, ever sound like you're whining. I am so happy to read your descriptions of how you're feeling. Your feelings, etc. are so familiar to me. And you describe them so clearly.
All of that being said, if writing doesn't help you, then don't do it. But if it does, then write about the same things over and over again. We're all here listening.
Thinking of you... xxoo

[-R-]

Maura is right most of the time. But effect can occasionally be a verb. Effect is used as a verb to essentially mean make something happen. So you effect change, but change affects you. They mean different things.

OMG LONG NERDY COMMENT THAT TOTALLY MISSES THE POINT OF YOUR POST.

I am worried that I am going to have to force my dad to move too, so your posts on this are really interesting to me. You're not boring.

[The Domestic Goddess]

Yeah, she's annoying. But you aren't. You're going through what we've gone through (some of us, anyways). The boob juice stuff. The sick parents stuff. The watching what you eat because of the boob juice stuff. Ugh. Reflux. Glad I'm not going through that again.

Anyways, post partum, much? Seriously, what you described just now sounds like when I went trough post partum. I didn't know it at the time. Then I went to a doc when the second one was 6 or 7 months and then I was all, "Ohhhhhh. No wonder I'm angry. No wonder I want to sleep. No wonder I'm ______."

So. Have you gotten checked for PPD?

[the new girl]

Maura: So, THAT'S the magic formula. omg. Can I tell you how long I've been confused by that and you're the first person to put it into plain English. The effect of that affects me deeply. Or something.

Margaret: Not nosy. CURIOUS. I'm taking Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle (rhymes with Swistle) and a tincture called Goat's Rue (which should be called Bitter Goat's ASS.) And all day long I drink an iced tea made with 5 Mother's Milk & 3 Wild Berry Zinger tea bags per 2qt pitcher. (Did you know that Wild Berry Zinger is a galactagogue? Me NEITHER, but it IS.) I'm also supposed to be pumping a shit load and all that but I've cut back, as The Boy is eating like a HORSE CHILD.

[Cheryl]

This post made me like you that much more. I'm a lurker, but your blog is one I am always checking for updates. When you are quiet, I get it. Shit. going. on. Hang in there.

[maura]

Affect is correct. As a verb it's affect. As a noun it's effect.

[jive turkey]

Bish plz. This is what the internet is for, and why the community is -- for the most part -- fucking awesome. Let loose. We'll listen. You'll feel better.

[Overfed Annie]

Oh, hang in there, friend.
I've been anxious to hear from you, and relieved (although sorry for you) to know that you're out there struggling along too. Please keep up the posting if you can manage it!

[Are You Kidding Me?]

I think that if you keep writing the same stuff over and over, you might get it out of your system, and be able to notice other things going on. You really haven't done a whole lot of complaining about things (that I've noticed, anyway).

It is easy to Just Do It, when it's only you. Once you start involving other people (certain Elderly Italian Pirates, children, spouses), you have to take other people's ideas into consideration, which is like wading through quicksand. No one ever tells you what they really want - they just say "I don't care." That's where you get stuck.

Anyway, hope you can lift yourself out of your rut soon...

[Alexis]

I must read at least 20-30 blogs on an almost daily basis, yet yours is always the first one I check to see if it has been updated (RSS feed, what's that?).

Your writing is honest, funny, touching, and did I mention HONEST? Bring on the good and the bad - I may be mainly a lurker, but I have been reading you for a few years now, almost since you started, when I was looking for other mommies who must have felt less than thrilled with their new, crying infant. And you have many, many times put things in perspective for me, made me feel less alone, and just plain made me laugh out loud. So, for all the onesidedness of our 'relationship', you are SO within your right to bitch, whine, and complain, and not worry what someone like me might think.

[the new girl]

Swistle: You know, I have to tell you--I don't get bored reading OTHERS talk about their repetitive issues. I really don't. I guess, sometimes, I feel like there's this [internal] 'Stop complaining and DO something about it, if it's so bad' Mental Glitch that I have, that keeps me from reaching out for support for the OTHER Mental Glitches. Geezuz.

[Swistle]

Dude, I totally want to hear more on the same subjects. In fact, now I am a little nervous because my Whining Issues are almost always the same few things, and perhaps I am killing people with boredom? No, I refuse to believe it! Because I like hearing more and more on what YOUR regular topics are. Things are never REALLY the same: you've had new thoughts on the topic, or things are a little different because the kids are older, or things are a little different because other adjustments have been made---and even an "everything is the same" update is interesting because I'll have been wondering if there have been changes.

[MidLifeMama]

Why should we expect you to be any different than the rest of us or anyone else we interact with? We all have issues, we all bitch about them and we all annoy each other at one time or another, but we are all still friends. That is what we do here. We have all just poured you a virtual cup of whatever you like, and we have shoved a plate of brownies in front of you and are here to listen. Because we have all been there. I have a story I cannot blog because my parents read my blog, about my dad and a very misguided decision to use too much laxative and then wear depends because he couldn't get out of the chair or bed fast enough to deal with the results of too much laxative, but he didn't think he needed to CHANGE the depends once he had, you know, USED it, so there was leakage. This was all during the first few days my mother was home after open heart surgery after her heart attack. Can you say GROW A SET OLD MAN and ACT LIKE A GROWN UP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE and I am sorry it is not all about you right now but HEART ATTACK TRUMPS ADOLESCENT NEED TO BE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

See, now that felt really good. Consider this an even exchange of whining.

[Margaret]

Because I'm nosy - what are you taking to keep your boobs juicy (Heh.)?

peace...

[donna]

Nope, we want to read whatever you have to say. Not boring.

[Erica]

I can assure you that I don't find it boring to read about these things. I have my own mental glitches (MANY of them) and I always find it interesting to read about other people dealing with theirs.

Also, I like you lots and wanna hear what's going on with you, regardless of whether or not you think it's wicked boring.

[Lori]

omg T. I feel like I could have written this. Just not as funny. And not with the "dad's still here" part. Or "juicy boobies." What I mean is I SO GET the "just do it" (for crisakes) part. Let's talk this week. Miss you.