Stressed. And Sort Of Pissed.

You guys, I'm...stressed. STRESSED.  You know the kind of stressed that has you feeling like you're floating? Bobbing aimlessly along your ceiling? Having a hard time concentrating and forgetting what you were saying in the middle of a sen...

What was I saying?

Oh, yeah. Stressed.

My father was admitted to the hospital after an outpatient CAT scan showed bleeding in the brain. Not a mini-stroke. Go figure.  He was seen by the neurosurgeon, who needs to operate to remove the clot, but who has to wait until the blood thinners are out of his system.  Which means surgery on Sunday (Happy Easter! We're going to crack an Egg, all right!) and an additional 3-5 days in the hospital after that.

My sister and her family are there right now, after driving through the night with their two small kids to get there.  She called me and told me that she was having The Merry Maids come to clean the house and then she said, 'I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I was writing the note about when the maids were coming and I wrote: 9:00-9:30 Merry Christmas, instead of Merry Maids.'  So, yeah. We're all stressed.

And Happy Fucking New Year, too.

There's is an additional element, which is so bizarre as to render me almost speechless, that is creating more/deeper stress.  I can't talk about it too much, but it involves my father being a victim of a crime and discussions with police. Police! And the fact that my father kept this huge secret from my sister and me makes me anxious, sad and furious, all at the same time.

And lastly, there's this: My father was admitted to the same hospital my mother was in while she died.  He was admitted, like, one day shy of her admission five years ago.

So, this leaves me in a gut-twistingly familiar place. Deciding whether or not to drag some or all of the members of my family 7 hours away to be there for my dad. Who needs me, for sure, but who--right this minute--is pissing me off more than you can imagine. 

Because, you know, if he lived here, he wouldn't have fallen victim to that particular crime, he'd be under better medical care 10 minutes from my house and I wouldn't have to miss seeing my friend, to care for my stubborn Old Goat of a father.  Which, believe me, is the fucking SALT for my wounds.

Comments

[Lori]

I love the stubborn goat of a father. Sending love. I should send cupcakes.

[astarte]

Oh, this is sad on a lot of levels!!! I can only imagine how stressed out you must be about all of it. What on earth, he had been a victim of a violent crime and didn't tell you about it?! Holy crap!

[Kelly]

Still thinking of you, and checking in...

[medieval costumes]

Sorry to hear about you father. I hope he gets well soon. Yeah frustrating days do come.. Just try to breath in and out, sit on a corner, listen to a laid back music and clear your mind even though just for a sec. :)

[slouchy]

i'm so sorry, love. lots of strength and support being sent your way.

[Emily]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I'm thinking of you and sending your dad healthy (and sensible) thoughts! xoxo

[Amanda]

Thinking of you.

[jodifur]

Oh, wow, I'm so, so sorry.

[shriek house]

Oh no, I'm so sorry. Sending you & yours all good thoughts. Hang in there.

[Amelia Sprout]

I'm so sorry. I know that stress. The kind where you can't remember what you are doing. Where slowing down seems impossible.

[The Domestic Goddess]

UGH. Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear it.

I get the stubborn old goat thing. We've got those in our family.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Oh, that really stinks that instead of gorging on chocolate bunnies and jelly beans, you'll be worried about your dad. I hope he's ok!

And, I hear you on the hospital thing. My grandmother and dad spent some of their last days in the same hospital in which I gave birth to my three kids. So I do have happy memories from there, but I mostly want to get the hell out of there whenever I have to go back. Hang in there.

[Christina]

This is one of those times you wish you could reverse the parent-child relationship and order him home RIGHT NOW or he's GROUNDED.

I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this when you'd rather be planning egg hunts and playing with plush bunnies. I can only imagine how frustrating this is for you. What sucky bad timing, too.

[apandorabox]

my dad had me and my mum through medical hell since december and he is still not behaving like he should and taking good care of himself...
but he's 50, and i live at home...

i can't even put myself in your shoes, it sucks to be away from him in a time like this.. even when one feels so angry at them, we wouldn't want to be anywhere else than next to them

[attiton]

I'm with Swistle. CRAP! Crap, crap, crap.

[Mackenzie's Momma]

I so feel your pain right now.

My grandmum is currently in the hospital scheduled to undergo open heart surgery this afternoon.

She'd been having chest pains for over 2 weeks and we'd all been nagging her to go see her doctor yet she wouldn't. Finally last week she called my mum and demanded she come over (at 11pm) because "i don't feel well". They got to the hospital and find out she was basically having a major heart attack (one of her arteries is 99.9% blocked) but did the little local hospital do much? NO. They kept her there for 4 days. THEN they transferred her to the bigger regional one.

Mind you we're at the time of year where we lost both my grandfather and uncle (her husband and son) so its a hard thing all around. Oh and add in my other uncle (her other son) is seriously ill with something that they have NO clue what it is. Fun times....not.

[-R-]

I always the little descriptions you attach to your links.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.

[Stacie]

So sorry to hear...and with Easter on Sunday? Trying to explain to TLNG why Fun isn't gonna happen must be excruciating. Sending patience and xanax your way...

[RuthWells]

I'm so sorry. Hope it's all resolved quickly.

[areyoukiddingme?]

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope that your dad will be just fine, and when he is, it's probably time to force the issue of him moving.

[inannasstar]

Wow, are we bizarro twins, because this post sounds like my life about 3 years ago.

Best of luck with it girl, but I promise you this, the hardest times of our lives yield the most valuable life lessons.

[donna]

Yikes. I'm sorry you are having to deal with all this. I'll be sending good thoughts your family's way.

[Swistle]

Oh CRAP. And why can't parents be SENSIBLE?

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Now I'm pissed at your dad too.

Okay, not really. BUT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Also, I'm thinking of you guys.

[Caren]

So sorry TNG. Hope everything calms down soon...