I'm Feeling A Little Like A Criminal. If Kidnapping Smallish, Post-Op, Half-Bald, Elderly, Italian Pirates Was A Crime.

Oh, HEY! Hey hey! How yoooooou doing? 

Things around here have been [tense] [fucking hectic] [stressful out the ass] since my dad got here.  After a trip there and back and the stress of leaving him in a rehabilitation center (the therapies are great but the atmosphere in the dining room made me want to HURL MYSELF OUT THE WINDOW) (pun intended,) The Little Sister went back to get him and bring him here.

You should see him. He's quite the sight. A shaved head! Black tape over one side of his glasses! (to get rid of the double vision, 'Don't cry, TLNG! It's like Papi is a PIRATE!') A giant, upside-down, U-shaped scar! ('Hey Look! It's the shape of a RAINBOW!!') (omfg.)  Physically, he's doing well. Pretty amazingly well, actually, for someone his age to whom this kind of surgery was done.  Mentally and emotionally is, as they say, another ball of wax.

He feels kidnapped, I suppose.  The turnaround time at his house was very short, as more time would have just been prolonging the inevitable, not to mention keeping my sister from her nursling.  And while he was being whisked through Pennsyltucky, I was busy making follow up appointments and transferring a lot of his care from there to here.

The visiting nurse came to see him yesterday.  She asked him a series of questions.  One of them was whether or not he'd had any issues with The Depression.  He said, 'No' at the very same time The Little Sister and I said, 'Yes.'  She asked him why he was, 'all the way over there when his whole family was here?'  And then she said, 'Are you going to move here now?' and he said, 'Maaaaaah. I guess I'm going to have to but I don't want to.'

It can't be easy to be wrenched from your life, (not to mention thrown under the bus) by even the most loving hand.  I understand this.  I really do.  But it doesn't change the fact that in order to care for him in the way that The Little Sister and I want, he has to be closer.  The truth is, bringing him here relieves a whole host of not only worries, but also massive inconveniences.  Roadblocks in the form of miles, that would make it impossible for us to be involved enough in his care to make a difference in its quality.  Or, more likely--because I can't see leaving him there in a time of great need--the repeated uprooting of my family and the upheaval of my entire life, which is just not okay right now.

But still.

It's like the title says.

Comments

[Amelia Sprout]

My mom was an only child and did that with her mom too. It was rough, and the extended family had issues with it, but it helped make everything soooo much easier. Shower him with grandkid love, and eventually it will get easier. They can't resist the grandkids.

[Lori]

Oh you stole him. Hows it going with the dog? lol. He's gonna love it once he is settled in.

[Kelly]

You are the kind of criminal I admire, greatly. I remember going to see my grandmother when she was in the nursing home. So many of the residents there had family, but none who came to visit. My mother was there all the time, so she knew who came and went. It's heartbreaking, that some don't get the care and love they deserve.

You love your dad. You want to care for him. That is awesome. I hope 'stressful out the ass' gives way to something more calm and peaceful, for everyone.

[caramama]

It's so tough, but it does become necessary. My stubborn maternal grandma refused for years to move in with my mom. Finally, after a mini-heart attack, her doctor insisted. She was 92, after all. My siblings, cousins and I simply couldn't believe that no one forced her to move earlier. It really should have been done YEARS before.

It has taken her time to adjust, but 3 years later, she is settled in. She still doesn't call it her home, even making a point to say things like, "Well it's your house." But what can you do. My siblings and I bring over the kids as much as possible, and that does seem to help.

Stubborn, old Italians! I can only hope that I live as long as my grandma but am not quite as stubborn in my old age. But you know, I'm Italian, too, and it runs in the genes.

I truly wish you, your sis and your dad good luck. It is for the best, even though it is hard for everyone.

[The Domestic Goddess]

Sigh. I know he doesn't WANT to but it is for the best. The husband's mom and uncle are going through this. They are either 12 hours or a 5 hour flight from their mother. She REFUSES to leave. I'd say, "TOUGH SHIT, YOU ARE GOING"

[Manic Mommy]

I totally missed the 'not a a mini-stroke' post. I'm so sorry! You're absolutely doing the right thing dragging his ass down there. At some point, we switch places. Now you're the parent and he's the child. You do what's best for him whether he likes it or not.

Keep juggling friend! It's got to get better, right?

[areyoukiddingme?]

Adjustment takes time...and lots of time with TLNG will probably help. Much luck, criminal!

[MidLifeMama]

Moving is never easy, especially when you don't really feel like you have a choice. HELLO every single move my parents forced on me between the ages of 8 and 25. Bygones. But you are doing the right thing, and in the long run he will be safer and healthier and ultimately happier. He is losing some independence, which sucks. Keep moving forward knowing you are doing the best thing for everyone. Really, you ARE.

[Beth from SJ]

When my maternal grandmother had to move in with us it was a nightmare for her. There was no choice - she was blind and couldn't keep her house or care for herself anymore. She use to write letters to my Aunt (yes, blind, but would write without seeing) saying much she hated it with us and how sad she was. Slowly, though it got better. Not overnight, but eventually she learned to enjoy where she was. Much luck to you and yours!