To All The Psychiatrists I've Known Before. Well, Not 'TO' Them, Really. More Like 'About' Them. And Not All Of Them, Just The Ones Of Note.

- I once worked with a psychiatrist who offered me a job in his private practice as its office manager.  When I explained to him that I was a clinician, not an office manager, he told me that he liked my organization skills.  He saw patients in his private practice who spoke only in his native language (not English).  When I pointed out that I didn't speak or write in this language, he said, 'Oh, yes. That might be a problem.'

- I knew a psychiatrist who was a physically big man, who owned a tiny convertible car.  He'd come into work with his hair windblown and his tie over his shoulder, from driving in with the top down. In the middle of winter. (TFS!)

- He was the same guy who sometimes took naps in the (locked) day room, forgetting that we had observation cameras in there.

- He was also the same guy who once took a length of dental floss from his pocket, USED IT during a meeting and then ROLLED THAT FUCKER BACK UP and PUT IT BACK INTO HIS FUCKING POCKET. (Yes, yes. I know. I KNOW.)

- He was ALSO the same guy who wore a pentagram ring and uh, talked an awful lot about Witchcraft. (Oh, yes. I already told you: I KNOW.)

- I knew a super-tiny psychiatrist who used to say really snarky, ignorant, shit to everyone and then giggle and say, 'Oh, I'm just kidding!' on the fucking REG.

- I knew another psychiatrist (who was totally, super-duper awesome at his job and was also a super class act and was also, um, up in years) who one time wore his bedroom slippers to work.

- I knew a psychiatrist who cried when I told her that I was leaving my job to take another because she felt that there would be 'no one left who really understood things' (one of the nicest professional compliments I've ever gotten.)

- There was a psychiatrist that I knew, who was [getting secret BJs] making out with one of the unit clerks in the parking lot after work. (Allegedly!) [She totally told me.]

- I worked with a psychiatrist who was slightly stand-offish and aloof and then he came out of the closet and had a Holiday party at the AWESOME home that he shared with his long-time partner and it turned out that I loved this psychiatrist so, SO much more Out than Aloof.

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World's Worst Disclaimer:
*These people may or may not exist [They do.] [Maybe.] These accounts may be fictional [They're not.] [They could be.] and are based solely on my own experience [and if they sound familiar to you, they aren't because I made them up.] [Sort of.] [Maybe.]

Comments

[KAM]

I swear I used to work with the one who talks about witchcraft! Or maybe a lot of Psychiatrists get involved in witchcraft?

[the new girl]

Oh, Kell-I didn't mean to say that there AREN'T Fucking Crazies in the profession, because, surely there ARE. (Maybe even a slightly higher percentage than the general population?) I just meant to say that I don't think that being a psychiatrist is PREDICATED on The Crazy.

Yelling at a person who is in the hospital qualifies as 'Fucked Up As It Gets' or perhaps, 'Should Look Into Another Profession.'

xo

[Kelly]

I had a psychiatrist once who totally yelled at me for being in the hospital. And I was all like, "Fuck off, for real." So yeah, I can see how there'd be some quirky personalities in this profession.

[Alexis]

When I was a very messed up (on drugs) 16 year old girl, I went to a new psychiatrist recommended (okay, insisted upon) by my high school. One of the very first things he says to me (and he is a youngish, decent looking man) is, "You know, guys don't like it when a girl smells like smoke." WTF? Did I misread psychiatrist for dating advice? Or was I supposed to make him like me? Needless to say, that made it so much easier for me to feel comfortable talking to him. Asshole.

[Amelia Sprout]

Dude, typos just make you seem more nuts than you are.

[Amelia Sprout]

I an, ahem, consumer of the services that the nut.. I mean professionals offer. I feel like I can safely say that 50 percent of them are crazier than their patients. Certifiably crazier.

[Motherhood Uncensored knew a lot of the same fucking crazy psychiatrists]

Dude. You forgot THE GUM. EXTRA GUM. 10 pieces. Sitting "criss cross apple sauce" on the damn chairs.

And baaaage. I'll never forget the color "baaage."

Sniff. The memories.

[Swistle]

I love the title.

[The Domestic Goddess]

I had a psychiatrist that once told me it was all in my head.

NO SHIT DUDE. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

Needless to say I switched to a therapist that understood mommy problems. A WOMAN.

[Shelly]

Those are AWESOME stories! People are just so weird.

[the new girl]

@areyoukiddingme: Oh, I don't know about that. I also know a lot of 'more traditional' [and boringish] psychiatrists. I like to think of it more in the category of: Even Those With Advanced Degrees and Respectable Jobs Can Be Quirky.

I should add that most of these folks were very likable. Except the little snarky guy. He used to piss me right off.

[anne nahm]

I lolled. Also, the fat guy in the penis car? I know two of that brand. How can they quote Freud so readily and still buy that car???? Physician, heal thyself!

[Mama Bub]

OMG with the floss. I'm not going to forget that for a long, long time.

[areyoukiddingme?]

Just goes to show that you have to be a little bit crazy to be a psychiatrist...