Supply And Demand.

If I ever pen a memoir on my experience of being a mother, the title is going to be, 'Motherhood: Who In The Fuck Knows?'

Because, SERIOUSLY. WHO in the fuck KNOWS what's going on with this gig?

Not me, apparently.

When people tell you that the experience of parenting one kid has NOTHING to do with how you parent another, they are NOT PLAYING.  The ways that my two kids are different are numerous to the point of [insert the symbol for infinity here.]  And, indeed, the early indications are that the way I parent The Girl will have some overlap but may be quite different from the way I parent The Boy.

But if there was one thing I counted on being the same, perhaps naively, it would be my abundant boob-milk supply.  With my first kid, I had such a crazy over-supply that it took 10.5 (TEN AND A HALF) months for my supply to regulate. Initially, it was the same with The Boy.  (He ate so much that my supply regulated in mere WEEKS.)  He latched on immediately and ate a ton and gained a ton and other than some Thrush, we had no difficulties.  At his four month well visit, he weight about 19 pounds.  Off the charts for weight.

I started to notice some frustration from him a while back, when a let-down wouldn't come fast enough, but I just thought he was getting bigger and wanted a faster boob.  He slept through the night early (for us) and I wondered whether or not that was going to effect my supply. The Lactation Consultant didn't think so.  But then my baby sitter told me last week that The Boy ate 5oz of milk during the time in which I only pumped 2oz to replace that missed feeding. 'Hmm,' I thought.

He was cranky at night and during the day and although he nursed frequently, he was fussy. He protest cried at being taken off the boob at night.  He woke at night after an hour of sleep screaming and crying.  I thought, 'Q: Teething? Cold? Development?'  (Of course, A: WHO IN THE FUCK KNOWS?)

And then, the next day, the sitter told me that while I was out getting my hair done, my kid took SIX OUNCES of milk.  When we hadn't even missed a feeding.

That's when I weighed him.

Fifteen pounds.

I weighed him again, just to be sure I didn't make a math error.

Fifteen pounds.

So, I started watching him closely. The letdown took a long time and he was only sucking and swallowing for a few minutes.  He protest cried when I took him off the second side at bedtime. So I gave him another ounce of expressed milk in a bottle AFTER he ate and he sucked that shit down, like, 'FINALLY, motherfucker. Fi-na-lly.'

I panicked and went to Target that night. To get starter foods, some brown rice cereal and I looked at the formula.

Formula!

(P.S. I don't think it's Devil-Juice. I just never thought that *I*--font of milky abundance--would EVER find myself looking in that aisle.)

(P.P.S. I also had NO IDEA how many kinds there are. Or how costly it is.)

If you follow me on Twitter (I hate that 'Follow,' yeesh) you may have seen my frantic plea for help regarding a diminishing milk supply.

[If I could do a screen capture or whatever, I'd put it right here. Imagine it being 140 characters of OMFGOMFGOMFG...no milk!]

The response was immediate and helpful (except for a few smart-ass tweets about praying to trees for help) and I'm on my way.  It seems to be working, if quicker let-down and no protest crying when taken off at night and sleeping without waking to scream from hunger are any indication.

Oh, MAN, guys. 

I was STARVIN' MAH BEBE.

So, yeah.

Apparently, I'm still a rookie.

[Edited to add: Today, before nap, The Boy breastfed and then took, oh, FOUR ounces of expressed milk on top of that. So, uh, looks like I'll be going out to get that formula this afternoon. {Sad Trombone}]

Comments

[RuthWells]

All kids are different, and the number of times during your gig as a parent that you will realize that you know absolutely nothing are going to be infinite. The good news is, we keep on learning. You'll make it!

[Mary (BarnMaven)]

My daughter loved her mama milk to the exclusion of everything else. She would still be nursing if I had followed her lead. My son loved it too, but by five months he was ready for solid foods, and good lord did that kid DIG IN. He still nursed, but my god, SWEET POTATOES! BANANAS! The look on his face was priceless -- MOM, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THIS AWESOME STUFF EXISTS! Bananas! SQUEEE!

You're doing great. Don't beat yourself up over adding formula. Kids have to eat, you know. Food is food. I'm pretty sure feeding him formula isn't going to stunt his growth or cause him to suddenly become a NOT fifteen pound football player of a baby.

You crack me up, mama.

[The Domestic Goddess]

You know, I never had this problem. But my sister? Failure to thrive, baby. He could nto gain weight. I gave her my breastmilk even. Guess what? GAINED WEIGHT. Here, she was doing kinda the same thing. He was getting foremilk. No hind milk. No thick, creamy goodness. Hence the failure to gain weight.

He weaned himself at 10 months. He was so done with that shit, having eaten food by then.

[Marie Green]

Hey, just wanted to encourage you that there are ways to increase your milk supply. And that babies will often suck down more from bottle, even if they ARE getting enough milk. Weighing him is the most accurate way to know, and watching for plenty of wet diapers. And formula is in no way going to harm him, but it MAY harm your breastfeeding relationship. If that's something you will feel sad about, you can totally work to increase your milk. Also, many women are not "good pumpers", meaning that he's getting more when he nurses than you get when you pump. Sounds like he wasn't getting quite enough- if he's lost weight- but he might be getting more than it seems.

For some context: I'm a doula and I teach childbirth classes- including a breastfeeding class. I work closely with women to help them get started bfing... but I work with all kinds of women and families, and have seen it all. Nursing isn't for everyone, and I'm not AT ALL one judge based on how a baby is being fed. What I really hate seeing, however, is people giving up nursing before they are ready because of all of the misinformation there is out there. Take my words with a grain of salt, but feel free to email me if you have any other questions... or just want to vent/commiserate!

[Sam]

I don't know if I am repeating a previous comment, but I have some technical assvice for you! If you go to a tweet and click on the time it was tweeted, you will go to a webpage that is created for THAT tweet only, which will allow you to do a screen shot of it if you like, or just link to the tweet in the post you are writing. Here is a tweet of yours about supply issues: http://twitter.com/the_new_girl/statuses/10795233307

Good luck! I've just! gotten to the point in nursing where I don't have both titties letting down at once during every feed. Which means for the first time Egg has noticed that when he is nursing, there is ANOTHER BEWBIE RIGHT THERE!! Normally it is covered with a "flow stauncher" AKA cloth diaper to keep my front dry. Sorry for the novel!!

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

Dude. You said it. From nursing to god-only-knows-what-else, they're different - and we're different too.

After spending so damn much on formula for my two early weaners, I have to admit I was thrilled that Oliver nursed as long as he did. But he'll probably make up for the cost savings by refusing to potty train until he's four.

[Shelly]

I totally had this problem with my first child. She wanted WAY more milk than I could produce. We quickly started supplementing with formula and all was well (well, as good as things get with a newborn!). Then, my second was a preemie, so I got way ahead of him and then had frozen milk to spare. But he eventually got some formula, too, as he grew and I went back to work.

[Kelly]

Dude. My first baby refused to nurse. No lie. Refused. No one believed me except those nurses in the hospital who witnessed it firsthand. By the time she was 10 weeks old and relaxed enough to nurse, my supply had reached the point-of-no-return. (And this following an unplanned c-section...seriously...NONE of my plans worked out.)

But then #2 comes along, and yeah, she's delicious and also a pain in the ass, but nurses like a champ from the get-go. We still had a host of issues crop up (3 bouts of mastitis, anyone?), but from 6 weeks to 18 months, we mostly had a big nursing party. It's unbelievable how things vary from child to child, in such dramatic ways.

I hear your trombone, babe. Don't feel bad about supplementing, and if you can, try double-pumping after nursing. You may feel your supply ramp back up again. Hugs to you!

[Christy]

I have three girls, each one completely different. My #2 lost weight at about 4 months. My letdown was slower with her, and she was a very impatient nurser. I felt horrible. Formula isn't evil, it's food. Thank goodness it's out there. Oddly enough, my third is not even remotely interested in giving up the breastfeeding. At 22 months, I'm kind of ready for it to be over.

[CuriousParty]

I swear this is one of the things no one tells you but should. At four months my champion BF daughter suddenly wouldn't latch, wanted to eat constantly, screamed in between feedings and then, suddenly, refused to nurse at all. Google introduced me to the never-before-heard-of concept of "nursing strike". Who knew? This all coincided with a sudden decrease in my pumping output. A few panicked calls to one lousy LC (just keep trying!) and one aw.some. LC later, I had some reassurance and a rental hospital-grade pump. Within a few days my supply was back to what it had been and nursing was back to normal. Since then, I cannot tell you how many women told me that they suddenly had problems at 4/5 months, with supply AND baby's latch. Don't know what it is, but there's hope on the other side if you can get through it. And if not, well, most of the American population was fed formula and we're all just fine, thanks!

[Kelly]

My #2 is so different from my #1 its not even funny - and both girls, I thought that would help. Nope. Sigh - not like I wanted to feel like I actually knew what I was doing or anything.

[Brenna]

I feel for you. I had to supplement with my third baby starting when she was a month old. Not because of lack of supply, but because what I was producing wasn't fatty enough. The pediatrician explained it by saying I was basically making skim milk instead of whole milk. So I was sad for awhile, and then I got over it. I made it easier to go places by myself! So we supplemented for a few months, and then by the time she started solids it didn't seem necessary anymore, so we stopped the formula. Long story short, she's currently 2.5 years old, AND JUST NOW WEANING.

[Shelly]

I still don't understand why the little fuckers don't come with instruction manuals.

[attiton]

Breastmilk is food. Formula is food.

When expectations are dashed, though, sometimes disappointment comes not from the actual change in circumstances, but from the thought of having been wrong in one's predictions, i.e. "I thought, at least, that I had *this* thing all figured out. If I'm wrong about this TOO, how many of my assumptions can I not rely on? HOW MANY??" At least, that's how I feel when these sorts of things happen.

[a]

Formula can be a lifesaver. My personal motto is "whatever works." Anyone who tells you that you're wrong for doing something basic, like feeding your child when he's still hungry, has an agenda. That agenda is "make other people feel bad about themselves." My girl had her bottle of formula every day at 3 pm, when I had nothing to offer. We were all a lot happier with it.

[the new girl]

Thanks, guys.

@parking at home: Thanks so much. The RATIONAL part of my mind is incredibly nonplussed about this whole thing, believing, as it does, that formula-fed babies are, you know, FINE and NORMAL and NOT MUTANTS or whatever. The NON-RATIONAL part of my mind is a little sad-tromboney, though, for whatever reason. Not too sure why. Your comment helped me, though. xo

[parkingathome]

Do NOT allow yourself to feel bad for doing what is best for your baby. No matter how sad the hormones of diminishing supply make you, tell yourself that you are doing what is BEST for your BABY. Make it your mantra. I just grieved and grieved my shitty supply, and now I think back and go "yeah...but this is so much easier and he's fine and he's big and he's healthy and he gets to spend feedings with dad and I get to sleep all night long four nights a week." You are doing what you and your baby need. DON'T let the self-hate creep in.

[scantee]

Man, sorry about this. We are going through something similar over here in that my 4-month old son wants to eat ever so slightly more than I am able to pump on the three days I'm at work. With my first I had massive oversupply too but was always worried about not having enough and needing to give him formula. Now, we just give him formula when he needs it and my stress about it is nonexistent. Some days he gets a few ounces of formula, some days he doesn't need it. If not for pumping regularly I would have no idea if I was producing enough so there's no surprise you didn't catch it. Sounds like you've gotten some good tips (ones I might need to follow myself) so hopefully those work out for you.

(BTW, do you have a baby scale to weigh him or are you doing the old trick of, weigh yourself, weigh yourself with baby, subtract your weight? I did that a couple months ago with my son and it came up with him having lost two pounds in a month. I freaked out and did it like five more times with the same result. You are probably quicker than I but it turns out that method isn't super reliable! Shocking, I know. He had a check-up a week later and it turned out he had gained over two pounds from his last appointment.)

[Emily]

Ugggg! I hear you - we went through the same thing at 5 months. She was ALWAYS hungry and my poor boobs didn't seem to be up for the cause (after gigantic supply previously) I did what everyone told me (upped water and fat intake) but in the end the answer was solids and formula before bed. We're still breastfeeding through the night (because its not like more food made her sleep better) and other feeds during the day but you know, I figured with my supply I'd never have problems but really? As you said - who the fuck knows!

[Swistle]

OMG PARENTING IS SO HARD!!!

[Forgotten]

OMG!! I have so been there with this one. It's ok though because you figured out what was going on and fixed the problem. I have enjoyed the breastfeeding but I'm getting ready to "hang the boobs up" so to speak. We made it the full year without formula though so I'm happy about that!

[Erica]

I don't think you can legally say you were starving your baby if that sucker weighs 15 pounds. I'm just sayin...

: )

[Mama Bub]

This is among my many second child fears. In fact, when the nurse asked me the other day if I plan to nurse, I said "hopefully." She kind of gave me the sideways hairy eyeball. What I mean was, YES, but we all know what they say about the best laid plans, so...

[heather]

Do you like peanuts? I've heard over and over that eating peanuts and peanut butter sammies helps a heap with milk production.

[Mr Lady]

My first kid weaned at 5 mos, all by himself. I had clearly failed as a uterus-carrying member of society. My second kid was going to nurse until he could wipe his own ass, dammit. At 4 mos, same story as yours. Just not digging the nursing....goofing around, giggling a lot but not so much sucking. He gave me clogged milk ducts and one boob that was (and is still) a whole lot bigger than the other. I still pressed on. Feeding him was this ORDEAL and it made us both cry. But I was doing it, goddammit. I WOULD BE THE GOD OF ALL THINGS MAMORY. I would be a GOOD MOTHER.

And then one day, when he and I wanted to throw each other across the room, I said FUCK IT. I'm giving him a bottle.

He downed an entire 8 oz bottle, at 4 mos old, in IAmNotKiddingYou less than 2 minutes.

By baby, he was starving. Partly because boobs aren't his thing but mostly because I put my ideals before the human I had them about.

We never nursed again. He was so happy, he could spit. And he did, oh yes he did. All over my new suede coat.