The Apocolypse Is Nigh. Or, Maybe I'll Just Say Fuck It And Go To The Library.

The past week or so has been, how shall I put it?

Um.

TOTALLY FUCKED.

How's that?

My panic(ish) feelings about taking an infant out into flu season had curtailed my activities already, when both kids came down with colds, leaving me [to defend myself against The Crazies] inside, alone, with two [albeit small but still ferocious monsters] uncomfortable kinders.  Combine that with bad weather and mix in a few post-partum hormones and you have a perfect cocktail for [a one-way ticket to the loony bin] some serious Life Dissatisfaction.

And yesterday, was as close to a Parenting Nuclear Holocaust as I hope to get.  As in, I almost did a 3 Mile Island and Melted The FUCK Down. I ended up smacking myself on the forehead (no vases, just my open palm) and gripping-slash-shaking the towel rack on the back of the bathroom door, mainly to keep myself from throwing something heavy against something breakable. 

(Here's where we separate the 'normal' wheat from the 'slightly overwhelmed chaff.'  Hey! Why are you backing away from me??)

It has been intense, mainly because of the perfect storm of events that have converged to totally screw the life (and behavior) of my poor toddler.  Shall I list?

I shall.

She's 2 and a half (which, by the way, can suck it.)

She's cutting 3 molars.

She has a cold.

She is developing even MORE speech (which I didn't think was possible.)

She can climb out of her bed now.

And, there's this:

She is just figuring out, I think, that The Boy isn't going anywhere.

Here's what most people don't tell you about the whole 'Adjusting to a New Sibling Crazy.' Sometimes, there's a delayed onset.  Everyone asks the question, 'How's the big sister doing with the baby?' But they ask it right after the new baby arrives, when the first born is still [in fucking SHOCK] impressed with the newness and littleness of the [latest toy] baby.  And in the time it takes for the big sister to realize that the little [bother] brother is here to stay, the sleep deprived parents have put a big, fat 'check' next to 'Adjusting Well.'

Whoops.

So, we have Weepy, Uncontrollable Crying Jags over Nothing. We have Hysterical Outbursts over previously and consistently experienced and understood limits. We have The Sassy, The Fresh, The Mean and The Whining. (THE WHINING.)  Some Potty Accidents. And oh, guess what? The Hitting is back! 

And there is something new: Difficulty going to and staying in bed. *sigh*

She's a good sleeper.  She has always had minor sleep regressions with every major cognitive jump.  A week of crying at bed time or early awakening.  But this has been the mother of all of those. Up screaming (for more! lip balm!) before she falls asleep.  Climbing out of bed. Up super early.  Last night, she asked if she could sleep in my bed. Never, ever before has she asked that.  Never has she ever slept there.  *sigh* It's exhausting.

Yesterday, I had the all-day cranky, wouldn't-sleep-any-other-way baby in the sling, when TLNG wanted to be held.  She was weeping about something else and wanted me to hold her.  I tried an awkward sitting on the couch, cuddling her while trying not to dump my son out of the sling, and she finally said it, 'Take this sling off, Mommy. Take it off and hold me.'

So I did.  I put the boy in the swing (risking the rise-and-scream that he'd been doing all day) and I picked up my big girl, who is not really all that big.  I swayed with her, burying my face in her neck, while she was draped across me, whimpering head on my shoulder.  I rubbed her back and murmured that I know it's hard to have a little brother who gets so much attention.  That I know it's hard to share mommy and daddy and that she's doing a good job.

And she is.

It's hard out here for a Mommy.  And for a Big Sister, too.

Comments

[MommyNamedApril]

that was supposed to read one to two. surprisingly, two to three was remarkably smooth.

[MommyNamedApril]

aw :-( two to three was really hard in our house too. my oldest did NOT take it well. you'll get through it and soon they'll be best of friends! :-)

[AdirondackJen]

Hoo, boy. You are right in the thick of it, aren't you? Mama, I feel ya. My two are 16 months apart, and if that didn't give me some major PPD?! It was a looong time before I got outta that funk. Maybe check with the doc..it shouldn't be so bad every day, and if it is, you are NOT chickenshit for reaching out for a life bouy, y'know? You are a good Mom. You love 'em. But life is hectic and you only have 2 arms. Get as much help as you can, physical or medical. It's all good.

I'm sure everyone with toddlers is all up in your koolaid with tips for the out-of-bed situation. So I'll add my 2 cents if you can stand one more tip. I used tickets. Three tickets. Once I tuck you in, you have 3 chances to call me back, for water, a backscratch, to tell me something...but once you spend your last ticket, it's time for nighty noodles!

And each time I'd appear upon request, I did it with a (forced, at first) Mary Poppins smile - because, goshdarnit, you were followin' the rules, and bedtime should not be burdened with my sour end-of-the-day mood. So I smiled! And brought water! Or your stuffed alligator! And collected the ticket! (Penalty for being out of bed, once they got the hang of it, was a ticket taken just for roaming around. No tickets taken if the request was a potty trip-but they were still in diapers in the beginning.) Also, bedtime routine was strictly followed: tub, snack, teeth brushed, quietly read one story in bed, tuck in with a quiet recap of the day's fun stuff and tomorrow's plan, and a simple song, every.single.night. No deviations. Then smooches, lights out, tickets on the nightstand, nighty night!

But I hear ya. I hear ya. It's tough. It will get better, but it's tough.

[Kelly]

Oh my. I wish I heard Jodifur's comment when I was doing this. You always think you must attend to the crying baby (because the sound, I tell you!).

Sometimes all you can do is hang in. And lock yourself in the bathroom for a bit. And eat ice cream. And that is what will pull you through until it all gets a bit easier and Spring comes and you can get outside in the fresh air and sun. I gave birth to Lil in October. I was right where you are 4 years ago. And I'm the adjustment disorder freakazoid. Panic city!

You can do it, friend. You can do it.

[Sam]

Dude. I feel for you. I don't know if I am strong enough to face two! small! people! You'll get through it! You will! It is okay to cry and yell and sob in the bathroom/in the middle of Target. Spring will come again! I promise.

[amanda]

This made me teary. You're both doing a great job.

[Well Read Hostess]

Oh lordy.

You'll all come out OK.

In the meanwhile, my husband isn't sleeping anywhere near me because, yo and hello? I've had my fair share of towel rack shaking moments and, yeah, I'm done.

love and kisses,
wrh

[jodifur]

Someone gave me the best piece of advice I ever heard, and I'm not having anymore children, so let me share it with you. When the baby is crying, turn to the baby and say, baby, I need to go help your sister now. Because the baby won't remember, but your older one will. And the baby will be fine for 2 minutes while you get the older one a drink or a hug or what not.

[Lori]

omfg

[The Domestic Goddess]

This was my life for teh first six months of two. And I was watching a niece and nephew full time, too. It sucked big hairy ones most of the time. And my hormonal issues DID NOT HELP, nor did the sleep deprivation.
The most imporant thing is that you do have to put the younger one down once in a while and pay undivided attention to the older ones. That's about the time we created "Momma and Me" dates and "Daddy and Me" dates. So they got some well-deserved 1-on-1.

And YES to the sticker charts!

[Amelia Sprout]

Oh, I remember delayed onset with my brother... Grrrrrr... No I love him and can't wait until he lives closer.

Speaking of two and a half. M's that age or so too, and it sucks. It is like being around PMS'ing slightly subverbal midget with a Napoleon complex (no offense to little people or the French of course).

I didn't even totally disrupt her world and we're having all kinds of that stuff. Odd crying jags, I hate go away, no don't leave, sleep regression. We now have to lay down in her (toddler) bed and snuggle and talk to her before bed.

So, to echo everyone else. 2.5 sucks, I feel your pain. I hear it gets better around 25

[mrs. chicken]

These days are so hard. I know. I was right there about a year ago. I wish I had more to say than just this too shall pass. But it will. And soon they will be playing together and you'll be rested and well again.

Hang in. Hang in, friend.

[J from Ireland]

Ah this made me cry. My eldest daughter was 2 and a half when her brother was born(10yrs ago), she too had a delayed reaction and I didn't know what the fuck to do.
As you are doing already, sometimes let the baby cry and just be with her. It is a difficult time but like all things, this too shall pass. My very best wishes to you all.

[Binkytowne]

When you have two doesn't it seem like everybody wants a piece of mama? I still find that to be a struggle, sometimes my older just wants attention and I'm two hours into a day of meltdowns before I realize it. You are not alone in this woman, one day they will play with eachother and you can take a shower:)right? A girl can dream.

[Julie @ Mommy Said What?]

I remember after my daughter was born, I used to crawl into bed with my son at bedtime(he was 2) in order to steal a few precious moments of alone time with him. And I clearly remember saying, "It's different now, isn't it?" And he'd nod, ever so sadly. "But one day," I told him "She's going to grow up a little and you two are going to be the best of friends."

And you know what? They are. And it only took about 18 months.

Keep holding on. You're doing great.

[Secret Mom Thoughts]

It does get better. Everything you said sounded so familiar. 2 1/2 really does suck.

[Trenches of Mommyhood]

So so so understandable. Hang in there chica.

[Christy]

When my third was born, adjustment was hard for my then 5 and 7 year olds once the initial excitement wore off. And for me. Babies are just a lot of work, and it can be so hard to spread the attention. Hang in there!

[Swistle]

Welp, I'm convinced. I'm gathering up non-perishables and weapons.

[caramama]

Once again, it's like we are living almost parallel lives. Now that we are nearing the 6-month mark for the baby, things are really much better, so have hope!

But 2.5 to 2.75 can indeed SUCK IT! Grrrr.

[Forgotten]

I feel your pain. I have twin boys who are almost exactly two years older than my little girl. There have been days of cramming all three on my lap and praying for peace. To add to the suckiness that is sibling rivalry, instead of hitting her, they hit each other when they are pissed off at me for not paying enough attention to them. Couple that with kicking it single mommy style and having just moved into a new house, we got a full on nuclear meltdown at my house about every other day.

But, I have the luck of having neighbors who like Xmas decorations and little boys who are obsessed with lights right now so I just drag them to the window and point outside. They calm right down usually. Its been a mess for a few weeks now but I think we are starting to get back down to the regular stuff. BTW, my little ones are 2 years and 8 months and 8.5 months. Pray for me.

[Manic Mommy]

Let me guess, does she always need to go potty when you're nursing?

I realized shortly after bringing Gremlin home that sometimes, someone is just going to have to cry. And sometimes that someone was me.

[beanski]

dude, i could have written this post myself a year ago. probably not as well but we were going through the EXACT same thing. new baby boy, pissed off big sister, holidays, the flu, colds, SHOOT ME. the adjustment from one kid to two kids is a loooonnnnngggg process. hang in there.

[lora]

I can't even imagine, but it sounds like what you are going through is totally normal.
And if everything was okay and smooth sailing with you and with TLNG, I'd say you aren't a very good mother.

It's only really bad parents who say "it's easy"
If you are doing it right it's damned near impossible.

[The New Girl]

@Attition: They were my worst fears, too. But in all honesty, I've been surprised at how not EVERY day is like yesterday. They still super-suck when you have them but they aren't as regular as you'd fear. At least that's been the case for me. Gladly.

@MU: We have a sticker chart, yo. It seems to be working pretty well. We'll see.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I highly recommend palms over vases.

Get a crib tent for that little climber.

Hoping for some respite for you soon, friend.

[attiton]

You're voicing my greatest fears here.

[Di]

I know you don't know me, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. With the exception of the potty accidents, you described my life to a tee. (why no accidents? she's still not trained...)

2 1/2 sucks.

[Kelly]

Oh this struck a nerve - we are in a very similar stage right now (almost identical - 2 1/2 yr old and 3 month old) - my November resolution was to put the baby down more and hold the 2 1/2 year old, and it definitely helped.... but gosh its so hard to give them the attention they need. Good luck!

[Quadelle]

Oh, I hear you. One was manageable, two has been an experience of holding on for dear life for the last 14 months. Our daughter was 21 months when her brother was born, and around 2.5 things were not pretty at all. Things have been getting much better, but she still has meltdowns on a regular basis. So do I, although mine involve far less noise.