Bits Of Randomness Fact Friday On A Tuesday. Because, Apparently, That's How I Roll These Days.

* Instead of writing posts (which are brewing) about The Boy's birth story or my Post Partum Experience this time around (I know, those sound SCINTILLATING, right?) all I can think about is the MAD amount of TV (and new TV) that I'm watching.  Most notably, I watched the first two seasons of Dexter in three days (and then had like three dreams about dismembered bodies. Niiice.)  I became OBSESSED with this show and so when I ran out of seasons to 'Watch Instantly' (I LURVE me some Netflix), I went and got the first Dexter book from the library. Am a tool.) I also watched the first season of Weeds (the BEST EVER theme song, yo.)

* Yesterday morning I heard TLNG calling for me at 5:40 in the AM (DST, YOU can suck it, my friend.) Anyway, I was going to run in there and tell her that it wasn't waking-up time (6AM at the effing EARLIEST) and then go and feed the waking baby. When I got to her door it was cracked.  'Hmm. That's odd,' I thought to myself and when I opened the door? I saw a BEFUDDLED, STILL-HALF-ASLEEP, The Man, changing TLNG out of her diaper. Getting her up for the DAY. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVAR. Huh? Um. I'm all for the initiative, dude, but how about we try that say at 6:00--or better yet, on an EFFING SATURDAY?

* Most often, when half asleep, The Man is more amusing than annoying.  If you haven't read that post that I linked, you really should. I wrote it back when I was still funny.  The number of stories that I could tell about The Man leaping out of bed half [dressed and half] asleep to rescue someone is impressive but sadly, probably such a telling is verboten. 

* I hate my dog again.

* Guys, my son is 6 weeks old and I just had to buy him a whole slew of 3-6 month clothes.  And size 2 diapers.  What the hell, kid?  My daughter, you know, the TODDLER?  Two and a half, almost?  Weighs like 25 lbs. and my son weighs TWELVE POUNDS. OMFG. Half her weight.  He has also grown a whole inch since he was born.  He's 23 in long.  How is it possible to have one kid be a peanut and the other be a monstah?

* At the 6 week post-partum mark, I'm starting to have a few *body image(ish)* issues.  Not really bad, just, well, you know.  I don't feel motivated to DO much about it and the clusterfuck that my week of sleep is makes it hard (for me) to want to do anything but eat and sloth (when not bouncing or otherwise infant-toddler wrangling.) I didn't really have much of a pooch last time but this time, WHOO BOY.  Tis a little, er, FLAPPAY.  Hmm. I have decided that a daily dose of 457839058 packages of M&M's is probably not a great idea and so for now, I'm trying to just keep track of what I'm eating and do as much as I can (so far that's a couple minutes of stretching.)  

* We have also had (recurring) issues with The Thrush that make me want to throw myself off a bridge.  If you're on twitter, you know that this resulted in a [totally MORTIFYING] mildly embarrassing exchange with my new doctor, in which I told him the baby and I had The Thrush and he looked in my MOUTH, when, you know..it's on my nipples (hate that word.)  Since I couldn't bear to say the word aloud, me notifying him involved pantomimed circular motions with my fingers a la Kelly Le Brock in Weird Science and he grinned and told me that it's only called The Thrush if it's in your Mouth. M'kay.

* I think because I have the name 'Girl' in the blog title (and I curse a lot,) I get super-gross Search Engine Hits.  Today there was this one: 'Girl giving finger,' which took The Google Perv to this post.  HA HA HA! Sometimes ESL is a bitch, yo.

Comments

[Karen Hartzell, Graco]

You are still hysterical to me! Oh and my first was the monstah (wearing 4T at a little over a yr- yeah...4T and she has always been off the percentage charts. Her little brother...not so much. Back in the 50-60 percentile. They can be that different. Healthy (and squeezably chunky) is good my friend!

[Lora]

I love bullet point texts more than anything because they are totally in line with my attention span.

Also, the 6 week point is totally the worst because the skin and the flab are shrinking at different rates. It's gross for everyone.

[amanda]

Dude, I get the searches from Bangladesh for "The licking a woman breast." I am the biggest prude this side of somewhere (bad at geography). Weird.

[Sam]

Thrush = VERY BAD OMFG HATE IT HATE HATE HATE.

Flappay = The New Black.

[metalia]

Ha! I also watched Dexter in about 3-4 days, and had numerous nightmarish dreams of dismemberment during such time. Did I stop? No. Nor can I stop this "talking like Kate Gosselin" kick I've been on these past few days. Is it awesome? No, it is decidedly not.

[Lisa]

You are so hilarious. Lor forwarded me to this post.
I can relate to the mid-of-night scrambling by the husband! Funny.

[Amanda]

Totally possible to have a peanut and a jolly green giant baby. My oldest is 8 and just in size 8 clothes. The little one just turned 3 and he's wearing 5's! My oldest was wearing 5's in Kindergarten.

[the new girl]

@parkingathome: Yes! There are four Dexter books, I think (Jeff Lindsay). They all have queer titles--the first one being 'Darkly Dreaming Dexter'. It was a super easy read and fun to see what they put into the show, what they kept out and what they added. They added a lot to make a detailed, dense show and I think I like the show better.

HA HA HAAA! 'Can a baby be schizophrenic?' Um. Yeeeeah.

[parkingathome]

dexter has a book?

they get rid of the theme song in later seasons. it made me sad

at my six week mark I realized i was GAINING weight and i wanted to die

i say clusterfuck too much.

I get strange searches too, most recently "poop boobs" and "can a baby be schizophrenic"

[mimi]

You know, right, that Pynchon jumps out of bed half-conscious and does ridiculous things, right? Like ask me what the baby's name is, and who that cat belongs to? HI-LAR-I-OUS.

So Junior is on the Munchkin growth curve, I see: she was born 22" and 8 lb 14.5 oz and is now, at three and a half, over 43 pounds. Verily I say unto you: lift with the legs, not with the bag.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Yeah, the six-week mark is always the time I start looking up plastic surgeons.

I'm sure I'm saying "six week mark" because I've done this THREE FUCKING TIMES.

That is hilarious.

[Secret Mom Thoughts]

You are still funny. Hope the thrush clears up soon. It is a bitch.

[Brenna]

I had a "it's only thrush if it's in your mouth" mouth moment with my doctor, too. I think my response was something along the lines of, "Try to imagine how very little I care. Now dial it back even more. Now drop it down an abandoned well. Just fix it!" Like we really need a vocab lesson when our bewbies are on fire.

As for kid size, I had the opposite experience. My first two were gigantic and my third is a peanut. It's such a foreign experience to buy clothes that correctly correspond to age. She's 2, and she wears a 2T? WTF is that? My other two were in a 4T by the time they were 2.

[-R-]

I love every post you write, even the bullet points.

I liked your Twitter post/tweet/whatever about the night dread, but I didn't respond because it gave me horrible flashbacks, but I feel like I need to acknowledge the horror that is nighttime with a baby, so here you go.

I have a friend with a daughter two years older than her son. The boy is 18 months old and wears the same size as his sister. So maybe it's a normal thing to have a tiny first kid and a giant second kid?