Overheard In The John At Lowe's, Or, The Downside Of Having An *Articulate* Toddler.

Me: [Hunkered down in front of the toilet, balancing awkwardly on the balls of my feet, looking like what I can only imagine as a bowling ball atop two golf balls.]  'Are you making your pee?'

TLNG: 'I'M POOPING.'

Me: 'Great. Good job.'

TLNG: [Overhears someone in the next stall] 'SOMEONE'S PEEING?'

Me: 'Yes.'

TLNG: 'SOMEONE'S PEEING?'

Me: 'Yes.'

TLNG: 'SOMEONE'S PEEING?'

Me: 'Yes, someone else is peeing.'

TLNG: 'WHERE IS SHE?'

Me: 'Uhh.'

TLNG: [Turns her attention straight ahead and fiddles with the left strap] 'THIS IS YOUR BRAAAA?'

Me: 'Yes.'

TLNG: [Fiddles with the right strap] 'AND THIS IS YOUR BRA TOO?'

Me: 'Yes, that's my bra, too.'

TLNG: 'AND THIS IS YOUR SHIRT?'

Me: 'Mmhm. That's my shirt.'

TLNG: 'AND THIS IS YOUR SHIRT?'

Me: 'Yep. That's my shirt.'

TLNG: [Pulls down the front of my shirt] 'AND THIS IS YOUR BRAAAA?'

Me: [Feet tingling now] 'Yes.'

{Repeat: THE BRA, THE BRA, THE SHIRT, THE SHIRT. Three more times.}

TLNG: [Pulls out the front of my bra] 'AND THESE ARE YOUR NINIS?'

Me: [Praying for death or unconsciousness] 'Yes. Those would be my ninis.'

TLNG: [Pokes my chestal region]

'I TOUCH THE NINIS! I TOUCH EM!!'

[Cracks herself the hell up.]

[Pauses for the business at hand]

TLNG: 'I'M POOPING!'

Me: 'Great! Good work!'

TLNG: [Puts on her widest comedic grin, executing her latest and self-identified-most-hilarious joke EVER.] 

'I EEEEAT THE POOPIES? I EEEEAT THE POOOOOPIES, MOMMY! I EAT DEM!!'

[Cookie Monster Impression]

'AAAAH YUMYUMYUMYUM!!!!'

[Mad, cackling laughter]

And, uh, abject humiliation.

Comments

[Karen]

I bet the teenager two stalls down used a condom that weekend ;-)
( I love these stories too, and babies and what comes out of the 'mouths of babes' :-)

[Heather-Domestic Extraordinaire]

Love this!

[Chibi Jeebs]

Sorry, but I laughed. Hard. hehehe ;)

[Meredith]

I cannot stop laughing! This could so be me with one of my girls. I love how motherhood can just strip every last shred of pride away... it's a good thing these kids are cute.

[astarte]

The woman in that other stall must have been DYING laughing, even if only on the inside!!!! Oh, that is SO FUNNY!!!!

Patrick went through a phase where he would applaud me whenever I was in a public toilet, just like I did him. 'Yay, mommy, poops!!! Good job!!!' I heard more than one woman snorting a few feet away. Good times.

[amanda]

She understands the finer points of adult retention, such intensity, repetition and brilliant comedic timing.

[Secret Mom Thoughts]

I'm jealous she is pooping on the potty. Love the stuff kids come up with.

[anne]

At least she provided some great entertainment for the person in the stall next to you!! And at least your kid poops in the toilet, as opposed to mine, who is anti-pooping anywhere that's not a diaper.

[Amelia Sprout]

Man, i would kill for something like that in a public restroom. We just have abject terror at the prospect of an auto flushing toilet.

[Amanda]

I had to come back and share what my 2yo did today. We were at the clinic on post for allergy shots for myself and my 8yo. The boys needed to use the bathroom and of course I figured since we had made the trek I may as well too. I took my 2yo into the big stall so there was room for us both, and he flipped the assistance alarm switch 3 times in a row. I could hear it ring out in the main part of the building. I was mortified to go back to the waiting area.

[clink]

bahahaha I have often been amused by the antics of a toddler in the next stall..I should feel bad for their mommies :)

Oh and at the super market the other day I leaned over racing to catch falling fruit, Riley must have had a good peak down my shirt because she screamed "HI BOOOOBBBIIEESSS!!!"
I was mortified.

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

My fave is when they actually try to peek under the divider into the adjoining stall. Done, of course, when I am stuck on the pot myself and unable to lunge for them.

[Tess]

I love this story because 1)I have totally been there and 2) it's one of those things that SEEMS embarassing, but isn't really all that bad since pretty much everyone thinks a toddler harassing their parent in the potty is funny. Well, everyone that *I* would want to know, anyway.

[The Domestic Goddess]

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Oh man. I've been there. Mine liked to reach down the front of my shirt and scream "EAT BOOBIES!" in Cracker Barrel.

[ellie]

that is f'n hilarious!

[Di]

On the one hand, I am jealous that my little girl won't poop on the potty in the safety and security of her own home yet...on the other hand...Hee...hee...

Oh, the joys of potty training!

[The Girl]

AAAAHAHAHAHA! I may have been in the stall next to you, because I swear the other day I was at the Walmarts and I overheard a very similar exchange. Except, uh, that little girl wasn't going to eat the poopies, so... Yaknow. But hey, what an imagination on her, huh!

[MidLifeMama]

I wish I had been the person in the stall next to you. Then I would have blogged about it. Hey - maybe somewhere in the world the person next to you DID blog about it.

[Manic Mommy]

Funny stuff!

Why do they always save the pooping for the public toilets? On the plus side, you've got a two-year-old pooping in the potty!

[mamatulip]

*snort*

This post was totally worth your abject humiliation.

[Lori]

HA HA HA HA haaaaa haaaa!

[Amanda]

You just can't teach funny. I've been there in my own way. At least you had a bathroom stall to hide in.

I was recently in a public bathroom, I blew my nose, and I heard a little one say "Mommy, they farted." I cracked up so hard silently to myself, but I'm sure that mom was so embarrassed.

[Cass]

HILARIOUS! I love funny kids!

[Sam]

Also? We should both be sleeping right now. My excuse? The poopies. They be hating me. What's yours? Oh, yeah. You're seventy-hundred months pregnant. I get it. So sorry. Tomorrow my ass will stop peeing, but you will STILL BE KNOCKED UP. Ha ha ha. Damn I am annoying this late at night/early in the morning. Totally damn annoying. Going to wash my ass now. See you later.

[Sam]

But we ALL have those stories, so it's okay. I promise. I EEEEEAT THE POOPIES!!! ha ha ha. Sorry. Was really funny. Laughing with you. Not at you. ha.