YOU Try Coming Up With A Catchy Title For This Shit.

So far this visit, my dad has told The Nephew (reminder: he's TWO AND A HALF) stories about The Boogey Man, The Big Wolf Who Ate The Grandmother (huh?), and The Big Guy and The Little Guy.  The last one being an uplifting tale about a Little Guy who is building a box. He asks The Big Guy to get in, to see if there are any holes.  When The Big Guy gets in and tells The Little Guy where the light is coming in, The Little Guy hammers nails into the lid at those places and then proceeds to dump The Box into the lake. Nice one, pop.

He also had the TV on and was sitting with The Nephew watching...

waaaait for iiiiiiiit....

Married With Children.

(OMG.)

There was also an incident of his using gasoline to remove the sticky glue used to lay the tile in The Little Sister's laundry room.  I should mention, though, that the glue that he was removing with the gasoline was on his BODY.  Like, he washed his ARMS and HANDS with gasoline.  Quite effectively turning TLS's dining room into the olfactory equivalent of a Jiffy Lube.

And I won't even TELL you what he is wearing this visit.  I won't.  There's nothing that you can do to make me tell you that he found a pair of MY GRANDMOTHER'S JEANS (new and in the package) and CUT THEM AND HEMMED THEM INTO SHORTS of the old-ass-lady-denim-slash-elastic-waist variety. As in. Like. Um. There's NO FLY, you dig?

I blame it on the Old World Mentality. NOTHING IS WASTED! Nooooothing.

Anyway.

I am having all the people over for dinner tonight.  We're having Linguini with red sauce (from the VAT sauce I made and froze).  I got some good bread and I'm going to make the yummy dipping oils that Lora had at our Wednesday Spaghetti Blogger Dinner. 

For dessert, I made a Simple Cake and macerated some strawberries (I will post the recipe because DAMN, it's so good it makes you want to SLAP SOMEONE).  I got some whipping cream and I toasted some slivered almonds for the top.

After an hour of playing in her crib, an ill-timed poopy diaper and a lost sock, my kid is sleeping and my house is clean (FINALLY!) and my friend should be here in about two hours.

Life is good, yo.

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PSA: When thawing bags of frozen sauce on your counter overnight, you may want to opt for a BOWL instead of a DINNER PLATE, that way, when the bag you used flops over, all that sticky tomatoey liquid will, er, stay in the bowl instead of RUNNING DOWN YOUR CABINETS AND ALL OVER YOUR JUSTLY-MOPPED FLOOR FOR YOU TO FIND AND CLEAN UP AT FOUR AM.  Just saying.

Comments

[Nutmeg]

Wow, this could definitely be my 90-year old grandfather. In addition to all the other similarities, last time he visited my parents, he accidently sliced his forearm open with a knife and just DUCK TAPED his skin together like it was ain't no thang.

[Sam]

You are out of control with the "alt" shit, woman. It cracks me up. And down. I just farted.

[astarte]

I would pay money to watch film of your dad!!!!

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

The first part about your dad? Yeah, your dad and mine are pretty much the same person but only if your dad swears like a trucker who just slammed his thumb in the truck door in front of his grandkids.

Also, I made your sauce. I would like to slap you now.

(OMG. Sooooo good. Nom nom nom.)

[Swistle]

*weak with laughter*

[Well Read Hostess]

My favorite part of that whole story is that your grandmothers jeans were in the bag, unopened.

And I want that recipe.

[amanda]

Your dad IS AWESOME. Post a pic of the shorts? Please? Pleeeaaaseee? My father passed away nine years ago, but I could totally see him rockin' that look. As it was, his summer outfits consisted primarily of old man t-shirts, ratty shorts (albeit with a zipper), black socks pulled up and dressy-ish shoes. Awesome.

[Whimsy]

I love your dad. Even though I am now going to have a Big Guy / Little Guy NIGHTMARE tonight. That's some nice work, there.

But seriously? Aren't good days just THE BEST?

[mamatulip]

WOAH, Big Guy and Little Guy - that's some heavy shit right there! LOL!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Okay, so I think your dad has effectively surpassed my mom. Although my brother's underwear is a close second to the hemmed grandmom pants.

Try not to think too hard about it. Just writing that made me nuts.

Oh wait, no. That's my son screaming from the other room and my baby STARING AT ME LIKE IT'S DAYTIME.

[mimi]

There's so much to comment on here, that I'll have to restrict myself to this: boy oh boy, I love slivered almonds. In salads. In yogurt. On my cereal. Yum!

[Alexis]

I think I love your dad. Married with children, haha. I can take him for a week, lol.

[Mama Bub]

Big Guy/Little Guy is enough to give ME nightmares.

[Kai]

Good tip on the sauce defrosting! It truly does make a VAT as you say! 1/2 my freezer is STUFFED with bags of it. I don't mind though, it truly is as YUM as you say! I'm in love! Thanks for sharing the recipe.

[Manic Mommy]

Just think, Miss TLNG is mere months away from being able to understand at least some of what Papa is saying.

Glad he didn't blow himself up in your dining room during the asphyxiation situation.

I love your dad...

[parkingathome]

OMG FATHERS....Oy.

Also, I think that "DAMN, it's so good it makes you want to SLAP SOMEONE" is the best explanation for really good food that I've ever heard.