Grab Bag. Or, A Nice Way To Say 'A Bunch Of Random Crap.'

* Today is the 4th anniversary of my mom's death.  She died at 11:30 at night and I am hoping to sleep through the actual MOMENTS.  It hasn't been as present on my mind today as it has been over the last week or so but this weird-ass memory keeps popping into my head.  I have an ASSHAT relative (whom I never could stand) who fancied herself *close* to my mother.  After my mom died, I was talking about it in front of her, when I mentioned the 28th.  She said,*reproving tone* 'TNG, it was the twenty-NINTH.'  I said, 'Uh. NO.  It was the TWENTY-EIGHTH.  They didn't pronounce her dead until the Twenty-Ninth.'  I have NO idea why THAT little trivial bit of nonsense is stuck in my head, but there it is.

* My dad's here.  He FINALLY came to see The Niece.  It is a seven hour trip from his door to ours but I'm not exaggerating to say that it's like, SEVEN TURNS.  It's basically a STRAIGHT SHOT.  And he gets lost every. single. time.

* This weekend, one of my goodest-ever friends is coming from NY to see us.  I can't wait to see her and for her to see TLNG.  She hasn't seen her for the better part of a year and whoo-boy, it's going to be a sight to behold.

* I have been sick a number of times since I've been irregularly posting.  Right now, I have no voice (The Man is not complaining) and I am congested.  HIDEOUS.  I can't even remember what I've told you and what I haven't.  Did I tell you that while The Man was out of town and The Little Sister was on vacation, I got a MASSIVE HORRIBLE VIRUS and had to go to the ER for fluids and anti-vomit medication?  No?  With my poor MIL?  And we didn't get out of there until THREE AM?  And the effing BIRDS WERE CHIRPING?  Obviously, I'm still not over it.

* I'm trying to clean my RIDICULOUSLY DISASTROUS house before my friend comes because, LERD, who in the hell put all those WADS OF DUST AND PET HAIR all over?  And whose EFFING BOOKS are these stacked all around?  And WHAT ON EARTH IS THAAAAT?  ugh.

* Did you know that for the last few months, I've been embedding pithy things in the 'descriptions' of my photos and links (you have to hover to see it, I guess)?  I am thinking I am really funny, right?  But so far, NO ONE has even mentioned it.  It's like my own little joke to myself.  Which is, you know, equal parts funny and er, weird.

* My friend asked me please, please not to clean because if she comes here and my house is super-clean and I have a two year old, she's going to feel bad about herself.  I love her for that, really I do.  But she is petite and if I don't clean?  She'll be SWEPT AWAY inside a DOG-FUR TUMBLEWEED and I don't need THAT SHIT on my conscience.

* Soon I WILL be posting on why I've been so fucked up.  Things are good but, you know, hectic.  But don't worry, inquiring minds!  INFO IS ON THE WAY.

*  Here's a little peek into my life with my dad, and maybe you can empathize.  We had this conversation, probably about 10 years ago.  You have to picture him with his Italian accent, it makes all the difference.

Dad: [Comes into the house through the garage] 'Hey, TNG, you know that hasshole who fills up my truck with peat moss?'

Me: 'Why's the guy gotta be an asshole?'

Dad: 'I dooon' knoooow.  'E just ees.'

Me: 'I mean, he's the guy who fills up your truck with peat moss, right?'

Dad: 'Right.'

Me: 'So, he's just a guy making a living.  Why's he gotta be an asshole?'

Dad: 'I. Don'. Knooow. TNG.  'E just ees.'

Me: 'Well, are there any people in the world who AREN'T assholes?'

Dad: 'Whyyyy Certainly.'

[Pause]

'But _I_ don't know any of them.'

Comments

[parkingathome]

It gets easier as the years go on. My brother died about 8 years ago, and for the first 5 or so I obsessed over whether or not I had told him I loved him the last time I saw him. Now what comes to my mind when I think of him is the time when I was a little girl walking home from school, I tripped and fell, twisting my ankle and skinning my knee. I got home and my brother was there to gently bandage me up, wipe away my tears, and make it feel all better.

I also always make sure that "I love you" is the last thing I say to someone when we part ways.

[Lisa]

Ya gotta love a cooky parent. (BTW, I found you through the spaghetti thing. It was nice to meet you!) .... babspeapod

[Sam]

My dad's birthday was on the 27th. You know, before he stopped having birthdays and all.

[Sam]

Bizarre? I noticed the caption your pic today before I read about it. But it was the first time I noticed it. Hmmm...creepy.

[A New Duck]

I love your dad. He sounds awesome, and I was seriously cracking up. Not the least because I used to live in Italy and all my friends said "hasshole."

Now I have a really embarrassing confession. I was reading your post and I'm like, what is "LERD"? Huh. I couldn't imagine. But here's where it gets really embarrassing: I went so far as to google it. Um, LERD is Land, Easements, Rights-of-Way, and Disposal Areas. Whie I was distracted by wondering why it's LERD instead of LERDA, I realized that when you said "LERD" you meant LORD, in the same way that when I saw lawsie I mean lord.

Please delete this comment right the hell away.

[Secret Mom Thoughts]

I like the pithy comments on the photos too. How do you do it? Hope you start feeling better.

[jonniker]

Day late and a dollar short, but still thinking of you.

Further, I've totally noticed the pithy things and wondered how you did it. I want pithy things in my photos! But I don't think I can, because I use Flickr. Boo.

[the new girl]

MU: Remember he also told you that you had DIRT [your birthmark] on your forehead?

[Motherhood Uncensored]

The TNG's dad sounds EXACTLY like that. Seriously. And he once asked me who the hell I was (in those exact words) when I was in their house.

I thought he was serious. Come to think of it. Maybe he was.

And dude. Your sister is having clones. The nephew and the niece = TWINS. WOW!

[The Domestic Goddess]

Your Dad has a very interesting accent.

[astarte]

Relatives like that suck ASS. I mean, for heaven's sake, even if you HAD been wrong about what the date was, WHO on EARTH was SHE to tell you so?! Sheesh!

I like your dad. I think he would crack me up.

[Becky]

Oh, great. Snarky, awesome comments on the photos? I officially have The New Girl Girl Crush.

[Manic Mommy]

Thinking of you on a hard day.

Andy's father's cousin used to make a point of *correcting* Andy on key points about his father. Cuz, you know, he knew better. The cousin died of cancer a few years ago, so I guess the joke's on him.

[mysuestories]

Sorry about your mom. Hope you DID sleep through it.

As for your Dad, apparently we keep the same company!

[Carmen]

Tonight I hovered and noticed the descriptions. I was thinking that I should comment and ask how long that's been going on...and then I read further. Aaaaannnnd now I have to hunt through the archives to find all the others. 'Cos that's just how I roll. Now I know what I'll do to occupy myself this evening - thanks! :)

[anne nahm]

Thinking a good thought for you on the twenty eighth, and kind of wanting to kick your relative in the ass a little on the twenty ninth. Take care, babe.