Having a lot of Slow Time (you know, like PRISON TIME,) (AKA being too sick to do anything fun and/or being awake during odd hours of the night) gives me a lot of time to ponder. Lucky you!
Here are some of the questions that I have been mulling over:
* Are all of your houses cleaner than mine? I don't mean are they cleaner than mine is RIGHT NOW, because I've been sick and unable to clean super-thoroughly. I mean, are all of your houses cleaner than mine is on the reg? I FAIL at housekeeping and/or clean-freakishness and although I could blame The Man for being less than neat, I have to admit that I am also hit or miss when it comes to housework. For instance, if I have people over, I have to clean and clean. Plus? I still have to shut the doors of my bedroom and the spare room because they? Need SERIOUS work. I imagine that college kids have more put-together rooms than mine and it is a Humiliation Situation. After the house is clean, it takes roughly THREE DAYS for it to become unvisitable again. WTF?
* Do other people start having second thoughts about having another kid AFTER they get knocked up? It is no secret that I was incredibly ambivalent about having children in the first place. Once I made the decision to have a baby, I never looked back, despite the level of sickness that I had the first time around. I lamented the illness for sure but I just figured that it was part of the package. I somehow thought that having one would make me less ambivalent re: having a second. I KNOW! I'll wait while you're done laughing your asses off. It really didn't make me less ambivalent but we came to the decision much like we did the first time. Being up against The Clock was a factor or I may have waited. HOWEVER, I find myself thinking, 'What the hell did I DO?' We were out of the woods with the first one. Only children are GREAT! One college tuition! One car for a teenager! What were we thiiiiiinking?? [I don't have like, FOR REAL second thoughts, it's just HOLY HELL, you know?]
* Are other people less phased by taking medicine during their second pregnancies? During my first pregnancy, I got about a HUNDRED colds. I even wrote a memo to my immune system (I was way funnier back then). I SUFFERED and SUFFERED with stuffiness and head congestion and stuffiness. This time? I just took some Benadryl. I don't know. I was on Zofran for so long with the first one and I guess I figured that a Benadryl swap for the Zofran was a decent trade. Or something.
* How is it that people have such hard and fast [and obnoxiously judgmental] opinions about what other people do? I know that a lot of people feel like it's a mother to mother thing and perhaps because that is a community in which we spend a lot of time, it seems/feels like that. I think, though, that it is a more global phenomenon, that it happens all over. People judge and feel free to share their opinions and judgments with others. It's overwhelming to me. Partly, I think it's human nature to have a subjective viewpoint about things and to feel somewhat threatened by someone/something that challenges the way you see things. But there are lots of things that are human nature that we ideally inhibit. I think that being an opinionated/judgmental A-hole should be one of them. So, if you're judging me for taking Benadryl LA LA LA LAAAAAA, I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU.
* Why is it that Kate (from Jon and Kate Plus 8) often makes me feel inferior (as do a lot of other clean freaks)? See question #1, obv. It's true, though. I find that when I have a friend or an acquaintance who is a neat-freak and/or germaphobe, I feel that they are judging me (even if they aren't.) (But really, I think that they are.) I often wonder how they find the time and/or the energy and/or the inner drive to keep house the way that they do and I so wish I had a little of that brand of crazy. As, you know, my own brand of crazy involves mostly messing things up.
* Why can I not seem to cultivate consistency in my life? I am consistently inconsistent. And that? Would probably be IT for what is consistent about me. I'm exaggerating, really. I always, ALWAYS wash my make-up off of my face before going to bed. And I consistently parent with consistent expectations. And I consistently wear my seatbelt. But the things about which I am inconsistent (motivation for exercise and eating right, say, or being able to keep my house/car in decent shape) seem to be the most prominent in my mind. At least for right now. It's possible that I'll forget all about it in a couple days.
I totally get the ambivalence about kids. And yeah, the 2nd tends to produce that holy hell effect. At least it did for me because (thank Army) we waited 5 years between ours.
You house sounds as clean as mine. We make due, but we have to spend all day the day before cleaning if someone is coming over. Well, just my mil because she's a neat freak. Everyone else, we just run the vacuum and touch up the bathrooms and kitchen. I'm a reformed neat freak. My fibromyalgia taught me that I can't do everything all the time. Our bedroom door is always closed.
I can also relate to meds during the 2nd pregnancy. I had to take Zofran the 2nd time, and figured I couldn't get a kid that was much more screwed up than my first (ODD with OCD). With the first, I ate well, and did everything by the book so it's all really a crapshoot.
Posted by: Amanda | March 16, 2009 at 06:40 AM
Yes on ambivalence, Yes on medicine - and caffiene, and a little bit of alcohol and pre-natals.
WHOOPS.
And turn off that Jon and Kate. It makes me depressed.
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored | March 16, 2009 at 08:00 AM
I tell you I totally agree on the "judgers". Geez people MY life does not AFFECT YOU so butt out fuckers. My aunt recently asked if I was breastfeeding, I said yes I plan to. HER very supportive response, WHY ~ Did you know that if you do your tits are going to disinflate! You are going to have to keep it together after the baby because husbands don't want a wife that let herself go....
I had to ponder really - why you ask... HMMM lets see.. She she is on divorce number 3 and she never ever breastfed but yet her tits have surely disinflated and she is obese.. DON"T THROW STONES MOTHERFUCKER!
Posted by: Keila | March 16, 2009 at 08:41 AM
House - Cluttered.
Second - Sometimes an only sounded nice.
Pregnancy - Caffeine and BAD about prenatals.
Opinionated - I judge/pidgeonhole everyone
Consistency - We are failing in this regard parentally.
Posted by: Manic Mommy | March 16, 2009 at 09:17 AM
I cannot keep my house clean and don't give a shit. It's my house, if you don't like the condition, don't come over. However I exhaust myself the day before a visit or event(birthday party, holiday get together) to get it up to par and NO ONE is to go upstairs! EVERFORANYTHING! I made a goal for us this year...don't listen to others, they just want to bring you down, if it doesn't make you happy or have a use, DON'T do it. Working good so far.
Kate...comeon, she is on TV she can't live normal, and don't you think off camera there is help???
My second pregnancy 7 years after the first, OMG! HORRID experience. So there was no holds barred and he is a great kid. No worries, you know what is best for you.
Posted by: Somedayme2 | March 16, 2009 at 10:18 AM
You have nailed it as to why I hate cleaning. WTF - I just cleaned you house. What do I have to show for it three days later?
And ha! I totally had long and detailed admissions for your other questions, but I got to number 4, realized what I had written with my name attached to it, and deleted like a mofo.
Posted by: anne nahm | March 16, 2009 at 10:33 AM
Nesting much? :)
Posted by: attiton | March 16, 2009 at 10:34 AM
Oh, hey, sarcasm aside. Have you gotten TLNG's haircut yet? Rabbit needs her hair cut and I think I have a snowball's chance in you-know-where to keep her still. Tips gleaned from your own experience or others?
Posted by: attiton | March 16, 2009 at 10:38 AM
Uber clean houses - the new guilt inducer. I have proposed for a long time that as women we make a pact not to judge or be judged on the perfection/cleanliness of our homes, but have had little success. I am reasonably tidy, constantly attempt to stay on top of the "clutter" and love nothing better than a freshly cleaned house. I am also a realist and with three daughters, now 13, 11 and 8, have learned that freshly cleaned is quickly dirtied. Who cares. My girls are happy, healthy, well-adjusted and a joy to be around. If I gave my true feelings on Keight, I would be judging so I will just say that I have never, never been jealous of her anal (whoops) overly-tidy, germophobic (whoops) ways. I'm trying to convince myself as well when I say, enjoy your beautiful girl, clean when you can and don't sweat it. I've never been to a funeral where the highest praise I've heard is what a clean house the person had and I hope I never am.
Posted by: Judy | March 16, 2009 at 10:58 AM
I pretend that it's good for my kids' immune systems to live in partial squalor. It's definitely better for my relationship with them to spend less time cleaning and less time saying "don't touch/lick/eat that!"
And I think you SHOULD have moments of ambivalence about having a kid. It's such a huge commitment. I don't understand people who never look back or question that kind of decision.
Posted by: Lauren | March 16, 2009 at 12:11 PM
I do not have a clean house. I am incredibly lazy and don't know why I should clean when I have a pvr of cute tv men to watch. That said I publicly speak out about uber cleanliness because I do not think its next to godliness and the sickest/most allergic kids I know have the most germaphobic parents. So I pretend I'm doing it for my future baby's health!
Posted by: Emily | March 16, 2009 at 01:41 PM
1. No. Just. NO. And I'd consider three days after cleaning a gift. I get maybe 23 hours.
2. Yes. I freaked completely.
3. Yes. Drugs are your friends. Now more than ever.
4. Because most other people are douchebags.
5. Because she's figured out how to do what we haven't - namely turn her monotonous, hamster wheel existence into a cash cow.
6. Because you are a smart girl and not a dud.
Posted by: Well Read Hostess | March 16, 2009 at 01:51 PM
OHMYGOD I just realized that you are pregnant?!?!?!11!?!?!
Fuck. I am OUT OF IT. And if you need further proof of that, check this out: I read this post and thought that you said "Being up against The Cock was a factor" instead of "Being up against The Clock was a factor."
BAHAHA!
Congratulations, TNG!
Posted by: mamatulip | March 16, 2009 at 03:51 PM
1. Um, yes...I'm sure my house is cleaner. My house is cleaner than pretty much everyone's. And I'm not trying to brag. Do I think it's uber clean? No - but it IS clean. How do I do it? No, I don't clean every day, just once a week. It helps to have a husband that's a neat freak (he makes me look like a slob, and I'm NOT). If he's left home alone for more than 2 days, when I get back it looks like no one lives here. Do I judge others for less than "clean" homes? Never...OK, that's not true. If your house is so dirty you've atracted a family of roaches and all their cousins, I may just have to judge you. But short of that? Not at all... everyone has things they like to do, are good at, whatever - a clean house just happens to be one of mine. My sister has 5 kids - her house hasn't been clean since 1995. Doesn't bother me one bit - after all, I don't live there!
2. I was ambivalent about the first pregnancy! And we tried for two years to get pregnant so it's not like it was unexpected or anything. I just remember freaking out a little (OK, a lot on some days) about what we had done. I don't have a second child so I can't address that but I'm sure I'd be wondering what the hell we were doing.
Posted by: Lora | March 16, 2009 at 04:40 PM
Kate has a full time IRONER! As in, a volunteer who shows up at her house bi-weekly to iron all of the family's clothes. I believe there are other volunteers each assigned similar home-making tasks. My house would be that clean too if I had an army of worker bees in the background. Although, why waste a volunteer on ironing of all things?! Does anyone actually really do that?
Posted by: Jen | March 16, 2009 at 05:01 PM
I loves the clean, but not the cleaning. Hence, we have a cleaning lady. Comes every two weeks, and if the house becomes filthy in the interim (and it does!)? Well, that just means we get our money's worth TOMOROW! when she comes back.
And Kate has weird hair: is is long or is it very short? Smooth or spiky? God, I just don't know how to interpret her hair and it makes me crazy.
Posted by: mimi | March 16, 2009 at 05:48 PM
Your house sounds as clean as mine. I have the same issues. I often feel people are judging the clean too. I was also less phased with medication the second time around too.
Posted by: Secret Mom Thoughts | March 17, 2009 at 08:19 AM
All of it - yes. But you knew that because we were switched at birth.
As for the clean thing, do what I did and move. You're forced to get rid of the clutter/filth. Seriously. It was the only way.
Posted by: Chicky Chicky Baby | March 17, 2009 at 10:07 AM
I could have written this post. Except my second is 10 mo. old and I am still trying to figure out why I thought having another was a good idea (I love him and would never now do without him but dear god it is a lot of work). My first pregnancy I did everything natural, the second I took medication whenever I needed it because I just couldn't be that sick again while taking care of my first. I have no guilt about it at all, I would do the same again.
The house thing, I can not get out of the mess. We clean and tidy and my son coasts by and pulls everything off of every surface he can find in about 30 seconds. But really, I am just not a tidy person. Given just myself, I can keep a clean house. Add a hairy husband (did anyone else know how much they shed or was I the only one surprised by this?) and two kids and there is no way to stay on top of it all and still play with the kids. And I would rather play with the kids. And my mil can suck it when she will only use a papertowel in our apt. because she thinks it is filthy (we have cleaning people every two weeks and we have to work to get the place ready to clean, but really, I think freshly laundered towels would be safe to use regardless...)
Posted by: Sarah | March 17, 2009 at 01:38 PM
1. My house looks like homeless squatters live here. Seriously. Except, I have 4 kids instead of 1, so it takes approximately 3.725 minutes for it to get messed up again. I figure I'm just being efficient by not cleaning it. Everyone who knows me IRL knows you come to see me, not my house.
2. I still have second thoughts. The youngest of the 4 is two years old.
3. All subsequent pregnancies get more slackerific.
4. Kate is scary. I think she's actually an alien.
Posted by: FishyGirl | March 19, 2009 at 02:16 PM
I am also terribly inconsistent about many things. I've made peace with it.
About the house thing? I always feel like everyone else's house must be cleaner than mine. I had some relatives come by last night and I cleaned for two days straight to be ready for them, but I didn't clean my bedroom, because, my bedroom, ya know? And guess where my stepfather (who I don't know very well) wanted to go? My bedroom (to use the elliptical.) Mortifying.
And tomorrow the house will be a disaster again.
Posted by: Stimey | March 19, 2009 at 03:54 PM
Still wondering WTF?!?! about Egg. One moment I am thinking BEST EVAR!! and the next OMGWTF DID I DO?!?!?! As far as the house clean thing goes, I have noticed that in order to have a fabulously spotless house you need to not play with your kids. At all. Ignore if possible. Because kids take up a lot of time, yo. Also? Don't sit down. Ever. Lastly, I fucking LIVED on benadryl when I was pregnant. I would have died a thousand fiery deaths without it I am sure. I also drank WINE when needed. But I avoided sex at all costs. NO SEXAR FOR SAM!! I'm sure that helped something, right? Now, I'm going back to my messy house with the master bedroom that is totally off limits to everyone except people living in my house.
Posted by: Sam | March 24, 2009 at 01:16 PM