Making Nurse Ratched Look Like Florence Fucking Nightingale

The tension was so thick in the room that it was almost unbearable.  It made me want to jump out of my skin.  We weren't talking, we were just waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.  For the nurse to respond to the call.  I was restless, impatient, agitated and afraid.

Three weeks into the odyssey that was my mother's hospital stay, after a heap-load of medical tests without a clear diagnosis to show for the pain and suffering they caused, she had been transferred from ICU to general medicine and then to the telemetry floor.  My father and I were with her.  One of my aunts had come to visit and while my mother was talking and smiling, I noticed a significant drooping of the left side of her face.  After my aunt left, I asked my mom about it, told her what I noticed. 

I thought that she was having a stroke.  It seemed as likely as having some mysterious back pain and ending up in the hospital, psychotic, with broken down kidneys.

With my heart racing, knowing that time is of the essence in stroke treatment, I called the nurse.

And with mounting panic, I waited for what seemed like eternity.

So, I did something that I had never done prior to that moment.

I rang a second time.

Clearly they were busy.  The nurses' station was directly across the hall and they weren't all sitting around, shooting the shit.  They were hopping.

When the nurse came in, she was irate.  And this is what she said to me:

'What is it?  I heard the first page.  I've just been with patients who are REALLY sick.'

I'm still not over it, four years later.

I set aside my rage because, frankly, I was too anxious to let her have it.  I needed to have my mom seen.  She did her job and called the neurologist.  She had a student nurse with her.  Donna something-or-other.  Turns out, I'd gone to high school with her.  I was talking to her in the hallway, venting my spleen after the fact.  Donna was visibly upset and torn.  She said this:

'She really is a good nurse.'

I responded, 'Just promise me this: that you will never. ever. say that to a family member.  Ever.'

She promised.

The on-call neurologist (resident) thought it may have been a stroke but when the attending came in, it turned out that my mother's not-real-sickness of cancer had settled on the inside of her skull and had started to impinge on her facial nerves.

She died exactly two weeks later.

I should add that the care my mom got on every other floor was exceptional.  After she died, The Little Sister and I sent gift baskets of thanks to every floor she was on.  Except that one. I never took the nurse's name.  I never wrote a letter.  With the ocean of my grief and loss to drown out the memories of my mother's final days, it became a less prominent memory.

But still.  Every year since, when this time rolls around, I find myself wondering how many of that nurse's really sick patients are still alive.

I'll bet you at least some of them are.

Comments

[magpie]

Oh, that's an awful thing to have to remember. Really. I'm sorry.

[amanda]

For being compassionate beings, there sure are some miserably nasty fucks in this world.

Sorry, that was crass.

Aching for your memory.

[mrs.chicken]

I have memories like this.

I know. I'm so sorry. And I am your sister in this grief.

[Stimey]

I'm sorry. That's inexcusable. I would be furious too.

[moo]

Is this in response to the story about the NICU nurse that I wrote? Because lord, she was horrible. And this woman you wrote about tops her x1000.

Finally all caught up with you. I'm sorry your pregnancy is so miserable. Wishing you a fast forward button so you can get to the end!

[Chibi Jeebs]

My brother was in a car accident that left with two broken arms and two broken legs -- the kid couldn't even scratch his nose, never mind tend to his own bodily functions. There was a family member with him pretty much every minute of visiting hours for the full 3 weeks he was in the hospital.

However.

One day he accidentally hit the call button. We timed it. It took the nurse TWENTY MINUTES to see what the incapacitated 18-year old boy needed. Do you know what they were doing? Sitting at the damned nurses' station on their COFFEE BREAK. Seriously: we watched them flipping through magazines and doing crossword puzzles until their allotted time was up.

[Julie]

Oh god. I'm so sorry.

Almost without exception, I adore nurses. They work their asses off, handling tasks that I can't even imagine - well, except that my HS best friend is a neuro nurse, so I get detailed descriptions. They're not pretty.

But what that nurse said to you is just inexcusable. I wouldn't be able to forget it either (nor forgive it).

[A New Duck]

I wish, I just wish, that nurse could read this now. I think she deserved to heard it and also to read all of the comments people left. I agree with Tess, that reading it actually makes me feel physically ill.

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

Thankfully, in the years before my mom died, we never had a nurse that was anything but totally competent and helpful. Some exceptionally so. One may have been responsible for prolonging her life by a couple of years. Some doctors, on the other hand... Let's just say, I'm very thankful for the nurses we had.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Very sorry.

[The Domestic Goddess]

REALLY SICK?

OMG. I would have either screamed her a new one or vomited. Not sure which.

You did a great job not screaming at her. I don't think I could have been as calm.

[mamatulip]

I remember after my mum had her liver transplant, she got really sick. REALLY sick. I'd never seen her like that before and I'd seen her REALLY SICK many times. I was absolutely terrified. I knew our local hospital couldn't accommodate her, being a transplant recipient, so I got her in the car and drove up to The Big City where she'd had her transplant.

She was in so much pain. She lapsed in and out of consciousness. She was hallucinating. I was a teenager, and I was terrified.

We got to the hospital and waited for hours. Hours and hours and hours. And the nurse who was assigned to her was really, really snappy. I don't know what her story was - frankly, I didn't care - but she was really awful. I paged her because my mother had told me she thought she was dying and I remember her coming in the room and saying something really awful about her.

I don't remember what it was that she said now, and that's probably just as well. But I do remember - vividly - standing there in that little ER room, my mouth hanging open, tears streaming from my face. I looked at that nurse and whispered, "But...she's my *mother*. Help her." And she didn't.

I'll never forget that. Ever.

[The New Girl]

Oh, I love you all, for real. And it's HEALING me to hear your reactions to this, one of my most horrible memories of that terrible time.

I do want to say, though, that I LOVE nurses. I worked in a hospital for years. Nurses are generally overworked and underpaid and do ALL the hard jobs, no kidding.

Generally speaking, I am deferrential to nurses. We (The Little Sister and I) did ALL my mother's daily care. We bathed her, did her hair, set her up in the evening, brushed her teeth. Everything. For her, of course, but also to lighten the load.

I agree that she may have been having an off day and may also have been a stellar nurse for a traditional telemetry patient. I think she saw my mom (aaaaaall 400 pounds of her) with some mystery *illness* and assumed a lot about us.

But I agree with Megan. There are just certain things you DON'T SAY OUT LOUD to a patient or a family member. Because it's wrong.

Plus? Not only was she WRONG but she was also INCORRECT.

[Megan]

NG, I am an RN. While I thought of many things while reading your post and the comments here, coming from the inside and knowing what that's like, having also been on the outside, the most important thing is this:

I am so sorry. No one can be on their A-game 100% of the time, but there are certain things you just *don't* say to a patient or patient family member. That's one of them. Shame on her.

[Domestic Extraordinaire]

I have no words. I just can't believe it-I am so very sorry that this is one of your last memories with your mother. ((hugs))

[Manic Mommy]

My mom is a nurse. She actually took a 40% cut in pay to work in hospice because it was what she always wanted to do. There are so many wonderful, caring, amazingly hardworking nurses out there. I am so sorry you had to deal with the absolute bottom of the barrel in the worst time of your life.

If it were my mom lying there, I'm not sure I could have stopped myself from jumping at her.

[Shelly]

Wow, that sucks. I hope it was just an off moment for that nurse, but it was still a terrible thing to say.

[clink]

Oh god NG I am so sorry. Both for what you have to relive when you lost her (not just every year but every day) and for the crime of that nurse. Because it really was a crime.
I'm thinking of you.

[Trenches of Mommyhood]

Oof. How horrible.

[RuthWells]

How horrible. That woman needs to be slapped.

[Alias Mother]

I think one of the challenges of being a nurse is the need to always be caring about every patient ALL the time, even when stressed and crazy busy. That said, if she can't handle that part of the job, she needs to be in another profession. Because stuff like that shouldn't happen. Period.

[-R-]

I sincerely hope that she really is a good nurse who just had one bad moment, but there's still not excuse for what she said. How horrible.

[slouching mom]

Oof. I'm SO sorry. Love to you.

[Swistle]

That makes me feel all gaggy. I'm sorry. That's one of those "think about it forever" things.

[Amanda]

UGH! There's always one. Thank goodness most nurses aren't like that or we'd all be afraid to get sick. I'm sorry you and anyone else has to experience an attitude like that.

It pales in comparison, but I reamed a nurse (and so did our pediatrician after I told them) because our 6 month old was in the hospital with pneumonia and they tried 13 times to put an IV in him. They had taken him to the "treatment room" to do this while we waited, saying it was traumatic for parents to see them do this, so it was better. Yeah, NEVER again. She had to tell us I guess because they STILL didn't get the friggin IV in. And what did she say to me when I reamed her ass? "He won't remember it."

[Emily]

I am so, so sorry you had to experience that.

[Mama Bub]

I was here earlier and left speechless. I just had to come back and say something. All I've got is, I'm SO sorry that people like that even exist and that you had to meet her at exactly the wrong time.

[anne nahm]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I want to drop kick that nurse.

[erin]

This is awful and is the kind of thing that never lets go. I'm so sorry. SO sorry.

[Mary]

After my dad had open heart surgery (triple bypass where they were going to do a quadruple, but were afraid he was going to die on the table so stopped), he also developed pneumonia from being on a vent for so long, because they kept him in a medicine-induced coma for over a week to allow his body to heal. Before they sent him home (i.e. kicked him out), he complained that he still couldn't get his breath, and that the left side of his chest hurt. The nurse said, "Mr. Not Flashlight, you just had heart surgery. Of course you hurt. You will have to learn to live with it."

2 nights later he was back at the ER because he couldn't breathe. What's that? Emphysema and a COLLAPSED LUNG? Oh. They kept him for another week because that darn lung kept collapsing. My mom pretty much tore that nurse a new one, since the nurse couldn't be bothered to write down my dad's complaint... which is why they released him in the first place.

[Keila]

My best friend was 20 when her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. When it was clear to us that it was not looking good my best friend took her moms doctor to the side and said "is she going to be okay" and the doctor looked at her square in the face and said "she is going to live long enough to see her grandchilden"! During every hard chemo session my best friend would repeat those words to her mom to keep her hopes up. Less then a year later she died. In the end it got so bad because the cancer spread to her brain that her mother had no idea who she was whenever she walked into the room. 11 years later, EVERY April 1st, my best friend thinks of what the doctor told her. She has two kids now and her mother didn't get to see either of them.

hugs to you during this time

[Tess]

Oh, I felt physically ILL just reading this. I'm so sorry.