A Post About Nothing Much, Written While I Should Be Folding Copious Amounts Of Laundry

Wow! That backwards writing was frigging WEIRD, wasn't it?  I wasn't joking.  I can't tell you how long it took me to write it because the BACKWARDNESS of it?  CONFUSED the shit out of me.  No kidding.  It turns out, restarting didn't help and then, as I am a computer genius, I just shut the whole fucking mess down and went to bed and when I got up in the morning?  Presto: Forward Writing. 

Which, my friends, I had underestimated my fondness for.  Just saying.  Forward writing ROCKS.

Anyway.

I wish that my housework would start going backward, and like, get itself done.  Now THAT is something that I could live with.

Yeeeah. So. Don't have much going on, except the above-mentioned housework.  But in the interest of giving you something for the trouble you made to stop by, here are two pieces of parenting brilliance, overheard at my house last night.

Ready?

Me (to TLNG): 'If you don't watch that TV right  now, you're going into time-out.'

(You: ???)

TLNG: [Thinking: 1. 'Sweet Deal!' and 2. 'What the fuck is Time-Out?'] Proceeds to pull on The (1,000 year old, dying) Cat's tail.  With immeasurable glee. Little MONSTAH.

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Me: [Wearing my Mominatrix shirt]

The Nephew: 'What. is. this. on. your. shirt, Tatie?' [runs his finger over the teeny-tiny leetle pair of FUCKING HANDCUFFS on the logo.]

Me: 'Errr.'

The Nephew: 'This. This. Tatie?'

Me: 'Errr. It's like a little design.'

The Nephew: '....'

Me: 'Um. Like a flower.'

The Nephew: '....'

Me: 'It's a TELEPHONE, Nephew.'

The Nephew: 'It's. a. telephone. Tatie? A. Telephone. It's. a. telephone.'

Riiiiiight.

Let's see Raffi make a song about THAT one.

Comments

[Motherhood Uncensored]

What kind of jacked up phone is that. What about headphones or earrings?

LOL.

[Vicky (Secret Mom Thoughts)]

My son will not leave the dog alone. I've said "Stop biting the dog." to dear son no less than 5 times this morning. I end up gating the dog in the other room for his sake and he puts his head on the gate and looks at me like, "What did I do wrong?"

[Amanda]

Don't you just love the parenting ironies? Although my absolute favorite is the school. "Yes, you're bouncing off the walls insane, and we're going to make you stay in for recess because you can't sit during class time." Helllloooooooo. I told my son's teacher she was settign herself up for a trip to the looney bin if she took away his recess as punishment and told her she needed to be more creative than that. They never listen to those of us who had to spend the first 5 years with them 24/7.

[Red Cup Mom]

I agree with you. Laundry sucks ass. Takes me weeks to put away folded laundry even. Sometimes I just jam it in the drawers. I hate laundry. F-ing hate it.

[Creative Kerfuffle]

this post cracked me up. i love the go watch tv or your going in time out.
mine? no you can't eat junk like salt & vineager chips for breakfast (to the 11 yr old daughter). eat something healthy. yes, like that sugar filled pop tart.

[The Domestic Goddess]

I think I need one of them there shirts.

[Manic Mommy]

I wear my Mommynatrix shirt and my Mommy Needs a Cocktail shirt with pride - to the preschool.

Now go enter my contest!

[Vicki]

LMAO at Sam. I just tweeted the other day to Motherhood Uncensored asking her if she had ever enlisted hubby to help with downstairs grooming when you can't see it anymore...hehe.

My shirt today says "Expecting (in big letters, then below it in smaller letters) to kick your ass if you touch my bump". I think I like it better right now. I totally need a handcuff shirt...hehe.

My boys pull dogs ears with reckless abandon and giggle the whole time. No matter how many times the old dog tries to bite their heads off. They just go back for more. Crazy much? I thinks yes...

Have you gotten the look...the one where they know what they're doing is wrong and they turn when you fuss at them and smile really huge then go right back to doing what they were doing wrong to begin with? That one burns my ass...*doing giant uuugggghhhhh sound in head*.

[Sam]

I want the "good girl have pubes" t-shirt, but mine should read, "really lazy girls that can't see their fucking junk have pubes." Welcome to the club of "WTF did I just say to my kid and in what world does that make sense?" Like, "Eat your greasy, salty burger devoid of any nutritional value BEFORE you eat your french fries, mister!"