A Little Pimping, A Little Story About PYPH & An Elmorgy

So, I posted a fitness post at Balancing The Scales.  I'm sorry to announce it every single time.  If you super-duper hate it, I will stop.  I am always kind of like, 'Meh,' when I know that others link to their other writing.  I usually click through to read but I understand if it's wearing a little, erm, thin.

Anyway, I have been feeling a little inspired over the last couple days and have breathed a little life into my so-called health-kick.  I've been taking my fast walks in the neighborhood every day for a long time now and since I've been feeling a little jazzy, I decided to try to add a little jogging in there.  I haven't jogged in a REALLY long time and so I started out kind of slow.  (I walk pretty fast, so speed-wise, I'm probably totally breaking even with a slow jog, but still.)

And then I get to the dreaded part of my route.

PYPH

Which stands for Pee Your Pants Hill.

Which is named for the fact that both The Little Sister and I have, well, peed our pants on the steep-ass downward slope.  There's something about the grade that forces you to [empty your bladder] put some weird pressure on whatever.  I DON'T KNOW.  All I know, is that I have considered wearing a poise pad to go walking on PYPH, because, OMG, I am INCONTINENT.

*hem*

So, today, I'm jogging with my jazzy ass and I'm feeling all brave and powerful and I figure, WTF?  I'm going to go down PYPH and I am NOT going to PMP.

You'd be surprised that no matter how much force you internally apply, trying to clamp your urethra closed, it just does its own thing.  Which is, apparently, staying open. And? Even a leetle bit of pee feels like, well, it feels like an UNDERWEAR SWAMP of pee as it's trickling out, unabated by your flexing but useless urethra.  Or whatever.  I'm no biologist.  I'm just an incontinent, geriatric, slow-jogger out to prove a point with fleeting jazziness.

*sigh*

And just for kicks, here's a couple pictures of a real, live, Elmorgy.

In case you thought that I was exaggerating.

There are no fewer than four Elmos there.  That's, of course, excluding the Car Elmo, the Elmo Fork, the Elmo Comb, etc.

Those two Little Elmos look like their going to have a little Elmo on Elmo action, if you know what I'm saying.

Always good to have a little snuggling at the Elmorgy.

This is the BEST last picture, ain't it?

Comments

[Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children]

First, she is TOO cute!! She and Ella would get along splendidly!

I pee JUST WALKING. On flat surfaces. What's MY excuse?

[Jamie Morton]

The pictures are cute. But seriously, Elmo(s)?

And for the PMP, maybe try Kegels. I'm neither old nor incontinent, but we used to do a lot of, ahem, "pelvic floor work" in my old-people aerobics class so that they could better retain the ability to control themselves in public.

[caren]

hey... i can't figure out how to email you, but i wanted to let you know that i find your blog amusing, and you have been tagged!!! check out my blog to see what i mean- pinkelefantcaren.blogspot.com
it's one of those tell us 7 things no one knows about you things. fun and funny...

[mothergoosemouse]

Oh, is she ever CUTE?!

The pants-peeing though...I think one trip up and down the PYPH would have been enough for me.

[Astarte]

Baow-chick-a-waow-waow - get out the disco ball, it's... Hellmo!!!

I almost died laughing at the PYPH (I'm sory!!!)!!!!! Oh, that's too, too awful! Kegel, woman - kegel like the wind!!!!

[MidLifeMama]

Well who keeps buying her the Elmo gear, hmmm? Who am I to judge though, as I am feeding my son's Bob the Builder addiction regularly. There was a brief affair with "Melmo" as he was called in our house, but carpentry is where it is at now.

[Audrey]

My daughter - 16 months old - is also obsessed with Elmo. So far, we've only bought her one. Thankfully, she wasn't yet obsessed on her birthday, or I fear what would have happened. The one we bought is simply a GUND stuffed animal - no signing, dancing, etc. Much to my dismay, she also has several articles of clothing featuring her furry red friend. Thanks to a friend, we currently have a large Elmo-head balloon floating around the house. I consider myself lucky we've gotten off lightly so far... I did find an Elmo costume (Halloween...), but it's $45 and I can't find a way to justify that yet, especially when I doubt she'll REALLY care - or keep the damn thing on!

Love the pictures of TLNG!!

[Heather dometic extraordinaire]

eeek about the hill.

Love the photos of TLNG!

[Wide Lawns]

TLNG makes me want to stop taking the pill.

So about the Pee Your Pants Hill... I'm thinking you might not want to go to San Francisco. It could be a disastrous trip for you.

I've never peed myself on a hill, but a few times I've peed myself from sneezing which then makes me terrified to sneeze in public. And that is my too much information of the day.

[Clink]

Using your kid to distract from the pee imagery eh?
Well done...

[-R-]

I love the second picture because it looks like she is rolling around in the pile of Elmos.

[Manic Mommy]

Nothing makes you feel as bladderful as jumping when dancing at a Jimmy Buffett concert and the urethra says "woo hoo - I'm dancin' too!". One month, five days 'til 40.

And the second picture is my favorite. Looks like she's running in place.

[Keila]

OMG that first picture is adorable... Just squeeze her.

[mamatulip]

Oliver has the bigger stuffed Elmo. He LOVES THAT THING. He sleeps with it every. single. night. - he spoons it. He can't sleep without it.

TLNG is ADORABLE!

[m]

Better the red fuzzy guy than Barbie, I say. Elmo love you!

[attiton]

I dunno, actually. If the second one were the last one, then we could all gather 'round to tell the story of the GREAT ELMO WAR OF AUGHT-EIGHT, when our glorious warriors fought with untold valor, strangling the vicious Elmoid clones with their powerful strangleholds and tackling the duplicative enemy with a full-body vigor never before seen on this Earth.

Is it not so?

[Motherhood Uncensored]

HAHA on the hill -- I'm trying to think of which one it is -- dude, come to my house -- I GOT SYPH (shit your pants hill). Seriously.

And the Elmo thing -- it's sort of like HBM's Wonderbaby and Kermit.

Although Elmo probably has a better ring at 3am... heh.

[RuthWells]

Dude, you've pushed out a baby. Incontinence is a part of your life, now. Resistance is futile.

[the new girl]

Attition:
HA HA! I meant that the last picture is the best LAST picture in the series because she looks, so, SASSIFIED. lmao.

[attiton]

I like the second one best, actually, but that just goes to show how much I'm NOT her mommy.

I'm a walker too, by the way. I think today I might have actually broken out into a little dance. I like to pretend I look aaaawwwsome.

[Amanda]

That whole post is hilarious! The pics are too cute, and I totally get the PYPH. I blame the kids. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Emily]

She is ADORABLE! Even with the Elmorgy backdrop.

And I think I PMP just reading your jogging story!

[Amanda]

You make me LAUGH.