Stories From The Crazay Mofo-Neighbor File (With Resolution)

All right.  Where were we?  Oh, right!

I MUST know what happened to The Rooster, which means that I have to do what most certainly does NOT come naturally and actually SEEK MANSON OUT and then ASK HIM A QUESTION.  I get the chance soon after I notice The Rooster is missing.  We're both in the back yard again and he's sidled over to the fence to talk.

'Hey!' I say, 'what happened to your, uh, one bird, there?' (I refuse to call it a quail but I don't want to call it a rooster, either.)

'Oh!' he exclaims, 'it turns out that they're NOT quails!  They're CHICKENS! Ha ha! I thought that they were QUAILS.  But no, they're chickens. HA HA!!  I had to get rid of that Rooster.  He started Cock-a-doodle-dooing!'

I feel a little lump start to form in my throat because the hardest question is the next one.  I MUST find out what happened and yet every single fiber of my being is resisting asking Manson the question.  It is against nature.  Against my nature.  But, with courage, I persist.

Here's how it went.  And I'm not even kidding.  Or exaggerating.  This is word for fucking word:

TNG:  'Yeah, so.  Uh.  What happened to him?  What did you DO with him?'

Manson:  'Oh!  I just took him up there to that Buddhist Monastery a few towns over.'

TNG: (scratches head, trying to figure out whatthefuck?) 'What?'

Manson:  'Yeah.  I just took him to the Buddhist Monastery over in the next town.'

TNG: (gathers wits about her) 'Uh.  You mean the Buddhist Monks took your rooster?'

Manson:  'Sure.  Well.  They didn't really know it.  I just dropped him off in the yard there.  It's all fenced in and I just dropped him off.'

TNG: '?????'

Manson: 'Yeah. It was kind of like a drive-by roostering.'

(I am so totally serious.  That's what he said.  'A DRIVE-BY ROOSTERING.')

TNG: (Not missing the humor but COMPLETELY BAFFLED)  'Okaaaay.  But--'

Manson: 'A drive-by roostering!  Look out!  HA HA!'

TNG: 'Heh heh.  Yeeeah.  But why--?  Why did you pick the Monastery to--?  I mean, why did you drop him off there in particular?'

Manson: 'Well, they're vegetarians there.'

He says this last bit as if it makes all the sense in the world, you see.  Of course I took him there.  They don't eat meat there.

I don't remember the rest of the conversation, as I was so befuddled trying to decipher the Manson Logic, that I barely made it back into the house. 

But later on, and ever since, this is what stays in my mind:

That he took The Rooster to the Buddhist Monastery.  And that he took him there because they wouldn't eat him.  And that he must believe, deep down, that if he took The Rooster anywhere else, say, a fire station or another place like that, they they would respond differently.  They would respond the way that any self-respecting meat eater would, upon finding that they had been 'roostered in the night.'

'Hey, cool!  Look everyone! DINNER!!'

Well.  At least I know he didn't eat the cat.

Comments

[mothergoosemouse]

I'm still sputtering about the drive-by roostering.

[Krissa]

DO YOU know that he didn't eat the cat? Cause I am still wondering just a wee little bit...

[Clink]

This makes me feel strangely better about Manson as a human being. It makes him trust worthy in a way...which is scary in itself.
Oh by the way...freaking hilarious!

[Manic Mommy]

Awww. Manson with a heart of gold. I smell a Lifetime Original Movie coming...

I'm with Moi. I'll try and interject 'drive by roostering' into a conversation to test the reaction.

[The Domestic Goddess]

Can you even eat Rooster?

[the new girl]

Catnip: Yeah, I know. He wasn't, you know, the REAL Manson. Just a wacky, crazy neighbor-guy. I like him better now that I live far away from him and see him, like, NEVER... lol.

[catnip]

Drive-by roostering. OMG. You actually just made me LIKE Manson a little bit.

[Sam]

The RSS feed works! YES! And...although your story lacked the customary extra font stylings it was awesome. Which, by the way, is my word for the day. AWESOME.

P.S. "Customary extra font stylings" copyright 2008 Sam Stories. May only be used to describe the writing of TNG.

[Moi]

*snort* at the drive by roostering.

I will have to randomly interject that into a conversation this weekend and see if I get any reaction.

[mamatulip]

Right. Because vegetarians love chicken!

[Vicky]

I love his logic.

[Vicky]

I love his logic.

[Mrs Kittens]

Best. Story. Ever.

[the new girl]

M: along with the dollar store figurines that he had decorating the OUTSIDE of his house (on the water meter and the air conditioner, obv.) he had a statue of St. Francis...

[m]

Awwwww! Who knew MiniManson would go all St. Francis on you?

[kat]

OMG - we must have more manson stories...this guys a total nut case! I kinda get his logic (befuddled face) but the cat...I'm not so sure about...I hope he made his escape!!

[mimi]

OMFG. I'm choking on my lunch -- I spend one week incommunicado and you write the craziest funniest most outrageous stories in the world and I'm actually sniggering with tears in my eyes in the MIDDLE OF STARBUCKS??? (It kinda blew my cover that I was Working Very Hard)

Jeeeeeesus.

[Andrea]

Haaaaaa! Drive by roostering. I doubt I would find that as funny as I do if it came out of a sane person's mouth.

I'm totally digging these stories. Keep 'em coming.

[moo]

I can't believe it! He was actually ... HUMANE? weird. Never saw that one coming.

Oh, and the cat? Totally KNEW to get the hell out of dodge.

[Kai]

Wow. Just wow. I have to say though, I quite like his logic, albeit not quite...shall we say comprehensive thinking.