Fun Fact Friday!!

* The time that I was in the police car when I was 8 years old, I had been with some friends, breaking windows in a closed-up school building.  Heh heh.  The cop pulled up and although he was uniformed, he was in an unmarked car (creeeeepy.)  He asked us where we lived and after we sat in the police car (no door handles on the inside back there!) and got a lecture, he let us ride our bikes the 4 blocks home.  Probably because my wuss-ass cousin LOST HER FUCKING SHIT and was HYSTERICAL CRYING and repeating over and over, 'but our biiiiiiikes are up there!!  Our biiiiiiikes are up there!!'  Pansy-ass.  I didn't cry from fear.  Until I got HOME.

* I have a weird psychological glitch (shut it), which is kind of like a compulsion, where I have to use the bathroom right before I get into bed.  Even if I JUST went a couple minutes before.  I still have to go.  If I don't, I honestly can't fall asleep.  It's been like that for so long that I only re-realize it's weird if I'm with someone that I'm not around a lot.  Like visiting a friend overnight or whatever.  I have to pee before AND after I nurse the baby in the middle of the night, too, and it's annoying.

* It was SO FUN telling you guys some of my funny old stories.  I've been so sapped for content it was great to just be able to write.  You should try it!  Also?  Have people vote on what they want to read. It's GREAT.

* There were some of you who had some follow-up questions about MANSON.  Hilarious!!  I have SO many Manson stories, guys, I could write a book.  You know, like 'Marley and Me,' but only 'Manson and Me.'  I wrote an epilogue to that ridiculous story I told you but didn't publish it b/c I thought that perhaps you'd had ENOUGH.  Would you believe me if I told you that Manson gave The Man cash for the mirror?  And then he offered us the use of ONE of his STUN. GUNS. for our protection in the future?  Yes, yes.  And I can spot, oh, FOUR really, really SCARY things in that sentence there.  How about you?

*  I skipped school for the first and only time when I was in the third grade.

*  When I got to high school, I found that the principal who chewed me out for skipping school ('That's called PLAYING HOOKEY, TNG, AND IT'S VERY. VERY. BAAAAD.') was the dad of one of my friends.  And he totally remembered me.  Which I found really odd at the time but as an adult, I'm like, NO DUH.  Because HOW MANY IDIOTS try to skip school in the THIRD GRADE??  In the MIDDLE OF WINTER?  In a place that gets so much snow, you have to wear fucking SNOW PANTS and BREAD BAGS in your BOOTS?? (p.s. If you routinely say that you had 'a lot of snow' where you grew up, and yet, you have NO idea about the bread bags in your boots, you did NOT have a lot of snow where you grew up.  The End.)

*  It cost me FIFTY DOLLARS to fill up my car with gas this week.  I'm still gagging.

*  I have a quasi-phobia of the dentist.  I haven't been in way. too. long.

*  In a few short months, I am going to turn FORTY. (Which is a little surreal but whatever.  I still feel 25.)  Anyway, when I turn 40, The Littlest New Girl will be almost exactly 15 months old.  When my mom was 40, I was nineteen.  And my sister was fifteen.

*  During the week, I often think of things that would make for interesting Fun Facts and then when I sit down to actually write the post?  GONE.

*  I write here the way I talk.  I am VERY expressive.  And I use an ALL CAPS VOICE for emphasis.  And I often speak parenthetically (to, you know, give you the whole idea.) And sometimes, I use italics.  And so if you're [a jackass who doesn't mind calling someone that you don't know annoying on the internets for all to see] a person who feels free to always speak her mind in public and likes to give [back-handed] unique compliments, then, THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.  [Maybe] I'll even BOLD IT FOR YOU, BEEZOCH!!!!! (p.s. how do you feel about extra punctuation???????  I bet you HAAAATE IT!  Right??)  Whew.  I tuckered my own self out, there.

*  So, what do the rest of you want to read about this week?   How my kid embarrassed the hell out of me at the library (even though she can't talk yet?)  Some memories that still make me feel weird when I think of them?   Stories from the CMN file?

 

Comments

[Manic Mommy]

I mentioned the Wonder Bread bags this winter to my neighbor (who also grew up around here) and she was like, "huh?". I got all embarassed like it was a poor kid thing that we had to do.

Clearly I vote for the stories that make you feel weird.

[The Kid]

I have the pee thing too....but worse. I have to pee (I call it "wiz")
before I go to bed (and again if I stayed up reading), before I leave the house, before I leave a restaurant, before I go to lunch, before I run a group at work, before I leave for the day.....etc. My husband gives me crap for it too.
Also, of course we used wonder bread bags. I don't think anyone does that anymore...what with those new-fangled (said in a grumpy old man's voice)water proof boots and all.

[the new girl]

Hey Sam: Glad to have you here, I appreciate your directness and openness. Also, your dedication to The Jackassery is endearing. However, my own apparently endless adolescence? Probably not-so-much. I was pre-menstrual, is all I can say.

Love,
TNG

P.S. I'm not copping to anything re: the RSS feed.

P.P.S. I have to admit, though, I DO WISH the comments allowed strike-through. And italics.

[Sam]

P.S. Your RSS feed hates me and refuses to cooperate. I am sure it is on purpose. I am also paranoid.

[Sam]

The expressive nature of your speaking and/or writing? Annoying at first. However, I am wiling to get over myself because I almost peed laughing over the crazy neighbor post part II. I will, however, continue to be a jackass. Ask anyone.

[Jennifer Valdivia]

I love love love your blog. And, I totally do the pee right before bed thing. Because if I even feel like maybe i might have to pee the tiniest bit, I can't go to sleep.

And I never wore bread bags in my snow boots. I had to wear big old plastic grocery shopping bags. They would hang out over the sides. Soo embarassing when you're like 9.

From a new devoted reader,
Jen

[Krissa]

I vote for Manson and TLNG stories. That wild MOFO neighbor story had me laughing my ass off!
Also, I do the same thing with my post material. I will have something that I plan on writing about and will even think of it several times and when I sit down to get to work,*POOF*. It's all gone.

[Phoenix]

I am glad to know I'm not the only one who has a peeing problem. Seriously, I am.

I also talk exactly the way I type. One high school teacher told me to never stop doing that, that it's a trademark. I hope to hell she was right.

[amanda]

uhm totally have the pee issue as well. to the point now that the husband reminds me before i get into bed.

then repeat all over again before and after the 3 am nursing session.

will it ever stop??

[the new girl]

Much More than a Mom: You can feel free to steal the idea, but you MUST attribute the title to TESSIE from Messing With Texas.

I brazenly stole the idea from her (and hers are always more entertaining than mine, fo shizzle).

[Tessie]

I want the stories that make you feel weird! No contest!

I'm a wicked abuser of the CAPS LOCK myself. Mos def.

[Jessica (aka Rose)]

Sometimes I think we might be the same person. Or at least we could be best friends ever.
I do the weird peeing thing too! Actually, to make you feel better, I have to pee before I get into bed and if I stay up reading I have to pee AGAIN before turning off the light!

Dude. I need some more CMN stories. And you should TOTALLY write that book.

[Much More Than A Mom]

Gotta ask...do you mind if I do some fun fact Fridays of my own if I attribute the title to you?

[Swistle]

I want the memories that make you feel weird when you think of them.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Yeah, the gas thing made me fall over. AND I drive a gas guzzlah.

All this talk about Manson is making me miss him.

Although I do have some interesting neighbors next door -- no teepee, of course, but they're an interesting crew.

[the new girl]

Moo: TLNG is only 11mos. right now but since *I* am the age I am, people have been asking since she was, like, 5 minutes old...

[renmen]

Oh! I totally forgot about the bread bags in the boots until I read that... I've clearly lived in a snow-free climate for way too long.

I do the same thing with the peeing! You can hide it by "forgetting" to do something in the bathroom so you have to go back in :)

I spent $70 filling up my tank this week. SEVENTY. Good move, buying that minivan! Gah.

I vote more Manson too. I feel a strange fondness for him, since he seems insane? But also like he is trying to be protective of you guys in a weird Manson-like way.

[Vicki]

I am so voting for a Manson story. I was sitting at my desk reading that and my co-workers came across the office to check on me. Thank God it was lunch time so most of them were gone!!

Even though I must say that stories about kids that can't talk but can embarrass the daylights out of you are always fun!!
How about both??

BTW, my twins are 13 1/2 months old and my husband and I are already being harassed about having another one...I keep saying but they have each other to play with?!? I mean COME ON...

[Alias Mother]

Oh my god. The bread bags. How had I forgotten about the bread bags? I must have repressed it. Now all I can think about is my feet sweating and slipping inside Wonder Bread bags.

[the new girl]

Oh, Megan: It wasn't a comment on THIS blog...it was on ANOTHER blog. And it was so stupid, really, because WHO CARES if I'm ANNOYING WITH MY CAPS LOCK?? It just so happened that I came across it last night, when I was writing this. And hence, the expression.

Personally, I think that my WORDINESS is WAY more annoying than my italics and my caps lock but whah-evah.

[Emily]

I'm always up for stories about a neighbour called Manson (although stories about you being embarrassed by TLNG are always fun too!)

[Lora]

I love you even more than ever! I, too, have to pee right before I get into bed, despite having peed 5 minutes before. My husband thinks I'm nuts. And I also wore bread bags inside my boots (which were snowmobile boots BTW...we didn't have separate "snow" boots - one boot for everything). I knew there were many reasons I liked you!

[Megan]

Am I the only one who went searching for the "jackass who doesn't mind calling someone that you don't know annoying on the internets for all to see" Can't find the comments and I'm dying. I talk like you write, so I get it.

[attiton]

Ya know, I have the greatest of sympathies for those of y'all who grew up in the snow belt, but how about a little love for those of us who have permanent scars from the BURNS we received from various pieces of metal in our parent's CARS during the summer? I mean, shouldn't a person be allowed to fasten a seat belt (even if it was just a lap belt) without permanent damage?

Come to think of it, wasn't I also singed by the sticky faux "Corinthian Leather" carseats in my mom's 1972 T-bird? I think I was also burned by the Mayor McCheese "Prison Play Object" at the McDonald's one spring...seriously, that thing had BARS where his teeth should have been. You could climb up his body and crawl around in his head. I got stuck up there once.

[Much More Than A Mom]

Ahahaha! I have that psychological glitch too! I can't believe I'm not the only one. And the bread bags? Me too.

[Jen]

Well I may be new here, but I have to say that I LOVE the Manson stories. The fact that you have that much quality blog material right next door to you - offering you a STUN GUN, no less - makes me a wee bit jealous.

Also, I pee no less than two times before bed EVERY. NIGHT.

[Erica]

I love FFF!

[the new girl]

Heather: OMG! You almost made me pee. I think you're right...the newspaper bag = MUCHO class.

And RockyCat? Why mess with a good thing? Issallriiiight.

[moo]

So we had a lot of snow, but not THAT much snow.

I'd love to hear more Manson stories. Because I told the last one to my husband and he laughed so hard he peed a little and then we said "GET ME PANTS" and then laughed again. Whew! Good times.

So now that your girl is almost 15 months, are you getting pressure to have another one? Because that's about the magic mark when EVERYONE started asking us if we were going to "give Grayson a brother." awesome.

[TheMama]

This blog is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

Ok, so no, I did not have bread bags in my boots, but I was subjected to showering while wearing one over my arm cast...

[Heather]

Well I didn't have to use bread bags, we were classy and used the bags that the newspaper came in.....or grocery bags if mom was really desparate. But the plastic bags of yesteryear were not the smooth compact things we have now, but they were stiff and scratchy and I would secretly rip the plastic bags outta my boots, I hated the sound they made when I walked and just have wet, cold feet.

I vote for the TLNG story, but I am sure the masses will want to hear about Manson.

[RockyCat]

I still use breadbags in my boots when I go out to shovel. And I'm 45. *Sigh*

[The Domestic Goddess]

I vote for more Manson. There's something about the name...

Hey, didn't you know that 40 is the new 18? Apparently a ton of women who are forty are still shopping at ON and Abercrombie and J Crew. They just don't know how ridiculous they look with the hip huggers with their muffin tops and saggy boobs hanging out. DOn't be that, and you will be in good shape.