'Ask The Internets Week' Episode 4

Welcome back!

I'm glad to see you.  I don't know if [I've worn out my welcome] you've tired of solving all my problems yet but if you're [a masochist] [unemployed with nothing to do] hanging tough with me, let's get right down to business.  (If I can call dumping all my questions on you and awaiting your thoughtful replies "business," that is.)

All right.  So, today's topic is about the never-ending battle I have corralling my [wild child] active and mobile baby. 

I spend almost every minute [that I'm not blogging or checking emails] with my eyes directly upon the form of my child, trying to ensure [that she doesn't electrocute herself by sucking on my cell phone charger that is plugged into the wall] her safety.  However, it seems that if I take my eyes off of her for [long enough to pee] a split second, I find something like this upon my return:

Or this:

I have [made half-assed attempts] begun to baby-proof, and we all know how THAT'S going.  Most of the time, the devices in the kitchen look something like this:

Until she sidles up to one and reaches for it and then I fasten it up, quick-like.

I also bought this:

Which, you can tell, [is doing fuck-all in my garage] has yet to be used. (Yeah, it's right next to my fucking molding for the kitchen cabinets.  You got a problem with that?)

At any rate, here is my question:

How do I corral my child in a baby-friendly and yet safe way?

I need your help, obv.  Or I might just have to resort to the 'Old Standby.'

Check it (you gotta click to get the extra-groovy feeling):

Um.  I'm not talking about the LOADED ASHTRAYS.  Or the, uh, MODEL-T-WALKER (wtf?)  I'm talking about in the background, there.  THE PLAYPEN (aka 'baby-jail'.)

Help a girl out.

Comments

[mamatulip]

Uh...duct tape?

[mothergoosemouse]

We relied on the megasaucer, but I may get a play yard for this guy.

Hell, I want to put the older ones in a play yard some days.

[Christina]

With my first, I used parts of the superyard to block off parts of the living room. We had a gate over the stairs to keep her from going up the stairs, two panels of the superyard in front of the TV/DVD/etc. system to block off the electronics, and two panels at each doorway out of the living room so she couldn't get into the kitchen.

Just bend the two panels in a bit so they'll stay upright. If you have a wider area to block off, use three or four panels.

This let us have a safe living room for her to play in without forcing her into a baby prison.

[amanda]

Corralled? It's possible? I just try to keep the tweezers and scissors away from the unplugged outlets.

[wellreadhostess]

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who didn't give babyproofing my all...much to the chagrin of grandmothers...and didn't they let me know it.

My advice is to pick one room...we had to sacrifice our dining room, but hell, it's not like we were using it anyway, and empty it of everything except baby toys. Gate it. You're done.

My kids wouldn't sit in a playpen without screaming bloody murder and my daughter could outdo Houdini at 4 months.

Good luck.

[Maggie]

The KidCo magnetic locks are the way to go for cabinet locks. They are SUPER easy to install (takes less than a minute) and are definitely worth the price to cut down on the hassle it takes to get into your cabinets.

As for the rest of it...my house gets more and more bare every day, as my son's reach increases, so no ideas here.

[Jessica (aka Rose)]

Are you kidding? It's ALL about the playpen!
As soon as C became mobile we brought out the Packn'Play filled it with toys she could only have in there and heaved a sigh of relief!
She had a place she felt safe and I was able to pee in peace.
Obviously she didn't spend all her time in there, but enough to give me a little time to lower my guard here and there.
We didn't put it away until she started trying to climb out and it became more dangerous to leave her in there.
As soon as the new little one takes that first crawl forward we're pulling it out again!
Long live the playpen!

[m]

We were able to make our family room extremely baby-proof like this: We used the superyard "fencing" not to cage the kids, but to block off the TV/VCR unit and the fireplace. Then we put a gate between the kitchen and the family room. This worked great, but obviously would not be workable in a home with a totally open floor plan.

Whenever possible, I tried to fence stuff off rather than fence kids in. Try to create a room / space that is totally safe, but preferably in a place where you can see her and vice versa. (Ideally, somewhere where you can be and get some stuff done.)

I also agree about rotating toys in and out. When my high-maintenance firstborn was little, I would set out a few things enticingly for the morning, before I went to bed, to buy myself a few minutes the next day after breakfast.

[ImpostorMom]

our living room was set up in a way that we could "cube" him in with furniture and a cube ottoman that we have. That was pre=baby proofing. Now everything is proofed and we keep most doors closed. We also say "no, no" alot it seems.

[Manic Mommy]

Didn't do baby jail but abso-fuckin-lutely did the exersaucer. That and a Baby Einstein video allowed me to shower.

Once they were mobile, I bought the same cabinet locks. You will eventually get into the habit of using them. They also work on the fireplace doors and the TV cabinet. Check now to see if your dishwasher and oven doors can be locked; mine can't. Serves me right for buying them before I had kids.

I also had gates at the top and bottom of the stairs. It was like running a steeplechase - but with laundry!

I would say the biggest thing is picking your battles. The only bottom cabinet that's locked is under the sink. The boys have always had free reign over the pots and pans, tupperware, and canned goods.

Finally, for cords and sockets, good luck. Eventually, they lose interest.

[attiton]

I have two superyards but I don't use them to pin Rabbit _in_. I use them to line my living room to make it decently safe. And, yes, I do come from the "everything will look good if you only just put it along a wall" school of decorating...but here's the thing with that, tie the superyards to things around the edge, and the baby now has lots of room to play and can't get to the three hundred game consoles or any of the electrical sockets. She can get to my knitting though. Sigh.

[Ellie]

I like you are constantly watching baby Bella. With three kids the house is basically baby-proof ~ however, she sucks on the "breast-pump" cord while still plugged in, cell phone charger ~ AND HER ULTIMATE FAVORITE the dog bowl of water and yucky food bowl. She also likes to hang out in the bathroom holding onto the bathtub and sucking on the baby soap pumps. We have the jumper you hang in the door jam, and we have the walker but she'd rather crawl and cruise ~ And I like that. Can't help you out ~ I'm anti play yard to play pen.

[Meredith]

FIRST OF ALL: I have the same kitchen floor tile that you do and I want to know how the hell you keep it that clean? Mine looks terrible...

Anyway - we just have a few rooms that are baby-safe, meaning that everything is plugged up, all the shelves have toys and her books on them, and there's nothing too dangerous around. Then, we just close the doors to the other rooms and let her roam.

And to pee or shower, I just stick her in the crib with a bunch of books and toys.

[Adorable Girlfriend]

Sooo cute! Gosh is that baby cute.

I am jealous. Sigh.

First Bossy gets a sponsor.
Then Dooce gets hate e-mail.
Then you have the cutest baby.

AG gets nothin'.

Oh well. Happy Easter.

[the new girl]

Angela: Oh, I WISH that was the only thing that was holding up the molding.

[Angela]

Get out the Superyard NOW! I think it ranks up there as a total necessity with the swing and bouncy seat. Seriously! Or you could do a Supersaucer, either or both room depending. You will notice a big difference in the quality of life. And with the baby in the superyard, your hubs can install the moulding on the cabinets. Viola!

[Natalie]

I'm sorry, I have no advice. My son loathed the playpen with a passion, but he was not into things like your LNG is. But I had to laugh at the "Model-T Walker", that's som funny stuff there.

[Swistle]

Oh, also. We did our best childproofing in the baby's room, then put a gate on the door. Then we put a comfy chair in there. So we could go into the baby's room with the baby, and we could sit in a nice chair, and the baby could play. (Translation: baby could whine incessantly at our knees until we gave up on our book and got out of the comfy chair.)

[Swistle]

You already have the SuperYard, which is what you need. Now, the key is (and listen to me carefully here, because it is complicated): SETTING IT UP.

Then, put the best toys in there. Anything new to the household. Anything received as a gift. Any New Hotness goes into the playpen.

It still might not work. My firstborn hated the playpen so much, I gave up. And I was STUBBORN.

[Kelly]

We'd planned on making our babies house-proof, but caved to the monumental effort that would require and made the house baby-proof. Door knob locks on every door, thick rubber bands hold the kitchen cabinets closed (cheaper and easier to remove for us), bungee cords hold the kitchen chairs attached to the table (no climbing), stair gates keep little people off the stairs and out of rooms they're not allowed in but we are (like the office). We know exactly how far back from the counter/table edge things have to be placed to keep from prying hands. We have closet locks, fridge locks, and oven locks (which, btw, also work on dishwashers sometimes, fyi). The biggest problem was the electronics, which are on a tower shelf unit that's strapped to the wall (they're at the top).

I wish you good luck!

[Jo]

OH - I forgot to mention: when I need to shower, each kid goes into his/her room/ crib. I put toys and books in crib (for youngest two), perhaps a sippy or bottle, and a radio on for them to listen to. This buys me 15 minutes at least, usually a bit more. This, to me, is the only safest way to ensure their safety when I can not watch them or hear them. Now that the boys are older, I can let them watch a video while I shower and know all would be OK - you're only a year away from that!

[Jo]

I have three little monsters and for us, corralling was just not possible. My kids, they don't sit in a playpen for more than, oh, five seconds without shrieking. I fear that your LNG might be, um, similar to that, if prior history dictates. So seriously, I think your best bet is a good ol' sweep of the house to child proof it. Our house is so damned proofed that whatever the baby gets into, I know it won't kill her.

I HEAR you about how fast they move, and how they manage to find everything imaginable in record time, but things like your purse, etc, those are easy - just keep em' up high. (Give her one of your old purses with old cell phone and other chatchkeys in it, non-chokable, and she will be in heaven thinking she's, like, super smart to get hold of your goods). The radio, etc - if you can put floor pillows up in front of those for at least temporary distraction, that's an idea; cupboards - do your best with those; we always installed the little hooks on the insides of ours so they only open half-way. Oh, and the tupperware cupboard is always at kid level and completely accessible for kid-friendly play during challenging hours of day such as dinner. Bathroom: we put all our medicines up to top shelves and nothing other than kid bath toys or tampons or towels remains accessible in bottom cabinets. We keep bathroom doors closed most of the time. (BUT, those door finger protector thingies that are foam and clip over the door frame to keep it from shutting are super valuable in ensurning no pinched fingers - sorry I forgot the name of them; you can get them at Lowes).

What else? We moved all of our books to top shelves of bookcases and created a kid book shelf on the bottom level for the wee ones. Safe, fun things for little ones to peruse are magazines, catalogs, empty bottles with beans or pasta in them and taped shut, firewood (oh, just kidding)...I'll think some more on this :).

[Erica]

Dude, I totally swear by the play yard. We have ours set up in the living room and I rotate toys in and out for Maddie to play with. I'm in there with her several hours of the day, too. There is NO WAY IN HELL I'm going to spend all day chasing her around the house trying to keep her alive.

She also plays in her room, which is 100% child-proofed. We go in there, close the door and she runs wild. She pulls things out of her closet, empties diapers out of the changing table, plays with special "Maddie's room only toys" and has a blast. We do this once a day for at least an hour.

When the weather's nice, we go to the park. Maddie's too young to do most things there, but she likes the swing and she just likes being outside.

Anyhow, I'm not big on the "supposed to do"s when it comes to corralling. Whatever works best for you and TLNG is the thing to do.

[Jen]

We did the baby jail thing. I had no choice; my kids are 13 months apart. I kept the pack n play set up in the living room, along with the excersaucer, and stuck one kid in each when I needed to do things... like shower, or pee.
It worked for us and they don't seem too scarred from it... I think?

[Motherhood Uncensored]

The play-yard is great. XP XT whatever it's called.

Of course, Q uses it to keep Drew out, and then that sort of defeats the purpose of having it.

Hmmmm.