Apparently, It's Never Too Early To Drink The Kool-Aid

I was going to title this post: 'Oh, for fuck's sake.'

But I reconsidered.

I mean, no need to get all freaked out and dramatic about it, right?

It's just that I knew them all when they were, you know, themselves.  Snow White, Aurora, Cinderella, Belle.  Even Ariel and Jasmin.  Back when Snow White was a girl with a lot of short friends and Cinderella was a grubby little step-kid with a cool God-Mother.  Waaay back before the Princessification. 

I know that I'm not the first to feel a little ambivalent about the brand name princesses (who, with the exception of Jasmin and maaaaybe Ariel are NOT actual princesses, right?) but it's a murky, kind of weird issue for me.

There's the issue of the gender stereo-typing.  I get that.  It is a little disconcerting to me that the 6-12 month old girl clothes all say things like 'Diva,' 'Princess,' or 'Pretty Baby' (I mean, wasn't that a movie?  About, er, child-pr0stituti0n?)  Plus, I hear that after 12-18 months, the clothes really go downhill.  Ever since I had a daughter, I can't walk by The Limited Too without shuddering.  I don't like the super-sexualized, pouty-lipped Bratz (AKA lil' wh0re) dolls.  I'm not really all that crazy about Barbie, either.  So, in some ways, I feel like The Pricesses are a sort of extension of those ideas. 

But I also remember bobby-pinning a blanket to my head to make long, beautiful (I suppose princess-like hair.)  I danced around and played fairy tales.  And while utilizing the blanket to make 'hair' is probably more creative than just slapping on a hair-piece, I can imagine how *spectacular* the play might have felt with a more realistic, *life-like* version of hair.  I dunno.  I also believe that the myths and fairy tales have a purpose for developing kids' psyches.  The metaphors and symbolism work with both the conscious and unconscious parts of their minds and can be beneficial to psychological and emotional development (IMO.)  In other words, no matter what I think about the possible gender stereo-typing blah-blah, I'm fully aware that The Littlest New Girl may just want to be a princess anyway.   I'll [be ready] [be prepared] handle that.

Probably more disturbing to me, in regards to The Princessification of the formerly-known-as-'just -the-girls'-characters, is the raw commercialism involved.  I mean, all of these characters already existed.  And then some [super-duper-brilliant, mega-gazillion-dollar-making] Disney ad person comes up with an idea to [create irrisitable kid-crack] repackage and rename the ladies and vwa-lah!  There is a brand-new [seriously lucrative income stream] line of [a million billion trillion objects] products that kids will [ceaselessly and mercilessly hound their parents for] [need to possess to feel whole] love.

I would be able to have a much more intelligent discussion about the matter if I had [more than 5.4 minutes to write this post] my wits about me.  But I'll leave it to those whose kids are older and are sleeping through the night [in their princess pj's, under their princess comforters, with their princess shoes beside their beds.]  All of this is background anyway.  To tell you this:

The Man's Clan is AAAAAAAALL about The Princesses.  They are a-lovin' The Di$ney and The Princesses.  They go to the actual Di$ney Park at least twice a year.  Every year.  And although I've never been (and I'm sure it's wonderful in all seriousness), I have known for quite some time that their love of all things Princess would eventually *overlap* into my life.

I just didn't really imagine that it would be so soon.

Please look at this gift that my daughter got this Christmas:

Okay.  This, dear friends, is a Cinderella Spinner. 

It PLAYS CHRISTMAS CAROLS.  Also, there is NO VOLUME CONTROL.  So, it PLAYS CHRISTMAS CAROLS in AAAAALL CAAAAAPS WIIITH EEEXTRAAA VOOOOWELS.

If you take a look at her face (you really do need to click the image to get the effect), you'll see that Cinderella [has been doing coke and acid] [has been drinking lots of quadruple-white-chocolate- peppermint-coke-mochas] is very enthusiastic.  And if you look at her carefully, you'll see why. 

She's been shopping, boys and girls.  Shopping!  Of course!  Spending all The Prince's money!  HAHAHA!

Consumerism at its finest.

Now watch as my little baybay gets her first whiff of The Princess Inhalant:

(you might want to click all these, too, if you have the time.  It's just, you know, for the cuteness.)
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(I love the little scootch-er-ooch)
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The verdict??

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Cha-Ching!

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Comments

[b]

Last year my sister bought a Cinderella bank for her little one. It had cleavage! Her little one said, "MOMMY PISSERELLA HAD A BABY, SEE? MILK!

[andi]

You're killing me. WTF is up with toys with no volume control? And also your Cinderella looks slightly affected - she doesn't look quite right, does she?

I swore I wouldn't buy princess sh*t for my kid. And here I am, drowning in a sea of Disney Princess Sh*t. It makes her happy. And I'm a sucker for a happy kid. Sad how quickly my values are compromised now that I'm a mother. (Your child is the cutest thing ever, by the way).

[mimi]

Let's buy clothes for our girls together, ok? Because I freak out about this too. All the friggin' time.

Thank god there are no princess freaks in my family, alhtough my mom did inadvertently buy Munchkin a toy stroller be-logoed with Baby Bratz and I was HORRIFIED.

Ulp.

[adil]

Sadly, my husband's family lurves the princess paraphernalia too. And it's even more disturbing when you have a brown-skinned, curly-headed child effusing about how beeeeautiful the blonde, blue-eyed princess is. Sigh.

[Laura]

Just stumbled onto your blog...love it.

This post is amazing - WHAT A CUTIE!!!!

Happy New Year!

Thanks for sharing!

[lildb]

how have you not eaten her ALIVE by now?

*shakes head in amazement*

[Don Mills Diva]

Oh that smile - give her whatever the hell her little heart desires!

[New Duck]

Dude, that is probably the scariest piece of plasticated consumer crapola I think I've ever seen. I was so happy when I learned the baby I'm carrying is a girl, but I'm now reconsidering. Is there any way this princess business will die down by the time she's born?

[Lindsey]

Oh my god, I am laughing so hard!

I was never a huge princess fan... still not a big "girly girl"... But my almost-three year old half-black (don't get me started on the no black princesses thing...) baby girl is in loooooooooooooooooove with all things princess. And it's not like I ever pointed her in that direction. It must just be a GENE they come with now.

[a beaverhausen]

Let us pause while I thank the baby jebus that I have sons.

[Swistle]

She can have ANYTHING SHE WANTS if she's cute like that.

[Jennifer]

Oh, but she's so cute. You'll have to buy her LOTS of princesses.

It is a wee bit creepy seeing Cinderella on drugs, although I probably look that way when I go on shopping sprees. Heh.

[flutter]

Oh sweet jesus in a sidecar, that is wrong.

[mothergoosemouse]

That picture sequence cracked my shit up. Especially the conclusion.

I'm feeling relieved that my MIL sticks with her American Girl obsession. But even when the family doesn't inundate your kid with princess paraphernalia, they still get it at other kids' houses (along with corn dogs, strawberry milk, and yogurt in tubes, among plenty of other crap I hate).

[Maggie]

That is fantastic -- they could put her in their next add! At least then, the obsession could pay for itself.

My sisters and I used pillowcases to make hair...although we could have had much more flowing locks if we had thought of blankets!

[erica]

The whole "princess-diva-whore" thing is the single biggest reason I regret having a girl. This obsession our culture seems to have with sexualizing pre-teen girls is horrific. Did you know that they make thongs for seven year olds?? Because a seven year old is concerned with VPL? WTFever.

[Jo]

OMG, you have got to STOP already - stop making me laugh so damn hard my latte visits the computer screen. I'm at Starbucks right now; it's getting obscene around me now, all this blubbering I'm doing.

Ok, now: the topic at hand. WTF IS THAT THING? Of course the BayBay digs it; the princess looks like she's a clown on crack. Your take on the shopping bags has me rolling. That thing is consummerism at it's lowest of lows, reaching deep within the depths of the youngest most undiscernable bunch out there. If I was six, that thing would so be mine.

I tend to avoid all clothes with words or photos on them. Save (with my sons) for the occasional number on a shirt, that's as far as I go. It's stripes or flowers or - as you so enjoy too - POLKADOTS. Until she is 15. Because there's no way in hell my girl will be wearing ass-crack pants at the age of 4.

Do they sell anything other than those, though? I mean, crap, my 10 month old is currently wearing her brother's 6-12 month Old Navy jeans. I can't get her chubbo thighs into her Target Cherokee jeans right now, as they are shaped to fit a too-thin teenager. It's bad. The way girls/ young women have been cut into this fashion-mold suited for an established 28-year old.

I am probably offending with some of my words here, and I am so so sorry. I don't mean to, but I grow hot under the collar because of it. It's hard to shop for my older nieces and such. I mean, the only respectable clothes - mainstream - I see out there are Northface Fleeces (at a whopping $50 for size 6X). At least they cover the kid up without labels, obscene graphics, or whatnot!

[Penny]

I think if it's the in-laws and not the mom/dad who buy the Disney para, then the princess juggernaut will probably remain in check in your household.

Or perhaps you could "lose" some of the toys once in a while, or at least until she's old enough to actually remember what they are.

[Banana]

This drives me crazy too! For Christmas, I wanted to buy my neice some dress-up clothes, because she still has an imagination and this is something she enjoys. She already has princess outfits (snow white, cinderella), so I wanted to get her, I don't know, a doctors outfit, or a pirate outfit. No. Doesn't exist (in Target anyhow, the only place I shopped). Only princess dresses, high heels (wtf?!) and fake make-up (wtf?!?). I get it that the princess thing is something girls do like, but can't they have other options too?

Also, Disney Land twice a year? I would fork myself in the eye so I would get an infection that would prevent me from having to go. That's some crazy.

[ImpostorMom]

So, so, so very glad I have a boy.

Also, the parks are great in some sort of alternate universe when there aren't 4 billion people there at the same time which really means you are spending about $300 a day to stand in line in sweltering heat.

[Manic Mommy]

RC is on my lap as I type (so convenient) and said "Look Tinkerbell!".

[Mrs. Chicky]

Resistance is futile. We should all just hand over our wallets now.

[Natalie]

I'm with clink. That doll is seriously fugly. But that child? Oh, it makes it all worth it, doesn't it? The joy on her cute little face!

Oh, and guess what I took my SON to see after Christmas? Enchanted. He loved it.

[Becca]

The princess crap is the price you have to pay for getting to put all those cute Mary Janes and tights and tiny dresses on them!

signed, mother of boy whose only options are red, navy, and khaki

[Clink]

Bahaha!! I just peed my pants! That is a post to the extremes. Funniest I have read in forever, cutest kid and the ugliest dolly EVER! Can you 'loose' it before next Christmas?
Welcome to the 'Pink Aisle' of life.
Oh and my 98 year Irish Grandma used to say "ahh fer fuck's sake" all the time. Man ya bring me back!

[Kristen]

The look on her face says it all.

Damn Disney has us all by our balls (or really by our cute kids).

[margaret]

Sorry about the double post - something screwy was going on there.

As for the hoochie clothes - I absolutely HATE them. And they are everywhere. My middle child has a rather round body shape and unfortunately, because most pasts are low rise hip huggers, her crack is always hanging out. She hates it and I hate it. She did just get a nice pair of jeans for Christmas that fit rather nicely, so I may end up spending a small fortune keeping her properly clothed.

Last summer, visiting a friend's house, we forgot one bathing suit, so Einey being the smallest, was able to fir into a bikini a size smaller than she was (and it covered her as much as it could). Needless to say, she loved it and wants one. She'll still be getting one piece bathing suits!

In that way (with clothes) I am glad they have to wear uniforms to school. It makes my life MUCH easier!

[margaret]

I saw those at the store. And Moe would walk up and send every single one of them spinning. Two whole freaking rows, two columns of them. I'm glad they stayed on the shelves.

The girls like princess stuff, but they are not obsessed with them, thankfully.

[margaret]

I saw those at the store. And Moe would walk up and send every single one of them spinning. Two whole freaking rows, two columns of them. I'm glad they stayed on the shelves.

The girls like princess stuff, but they are not obsessed with them, thankfully.

[slouching mom]

how do you live with such impossible cuteness?

[Jen]

That last picture is priceless... She is getting cuter by the day!

Fortunately my 3, (almost 4 ~yikes) year old daughter never jumped on the princess bandwagon. Sure, every now and then she'll fancy herself a little princess fix, but it doesn't happen very often... Or for very long. She'll quickly drop that princess for a soccer ball any day of the week!

Also, there are ways to avoid the "all princess" clothing line.