Wherein I Propose To KellyMom (Or Just Offer Sexual Favors)

I have written about the dread of evening that I have experienced as a new mom.  I struggle with the frustration I feel at my infant daughter when, in the evening, she's at her inconsolable fussiest. (The Man maintains that I, too, am at my fussiest then but what are you listening to him for?  You're MY friends.)

Anyway, yesterday evening was particularly difficult, what with the WAH-WAH-no-sleeping-despite-nursing-every-2.4-minutes-can't-be-put-down-or-all-hell-breaks-loose-did-I-mention-the-WAAAAH-WAAAAHHHHH??  I've taken to calling her 'The Warden' if that gives you any indication of her demeanor at these moments.

And although the hormones have substantially receded, making it possible for me to discuss these said events without weeping uncontrollably, make no mistake.  They make me feel like shit of the stinkiest kind.  First, I get angry at a tiny baby.  I feel feelings that are irrational and awful, like hate.  Like I kind of hate her in those moments.  Which I don't, really, you see.  Trust me when I tell you.  I very, very much like her.  A lot.  But those are a couple of dark hours there, when nothing I do works.

Which brings me to my second thought, which is that it makes me feel totally ineffectual and without mothering skills.  You know, when she's screaming her head off and nothing (and I mean nothing) I do works for more than 5 seconds.  There is a kind of despair that sets in, after a time, when I feel like it might BE me, that I might be the problem.  I logically, rationally know that it's not me.  But the pressure that I feel inside when she's over the top, deep-red-scrunchy-face screaming is very, very uncomfortable, let's say.  That almost-purple-face continuous yelling--it's like a technique from Guantanamo Bay, really, it can make you a little wacky.

But last night, as The Man took his shift during the melt-down hours (you love him more all the time, don't you?), I logged onto Kellymom.com and found this article.  And the skies opened up and a chorus of angels started singing.  And playing harps and all. 

It is amazing to me how much better I feel knowing that it's not just us.  Knowing that it's average, it's common, it's normal.  That sense that it's universal, that tons of people go through this, feel this way, gives me hope and a kind of rough road map.  Not that my girl won't take us on a detour now and again (every day), but it's so comforting to be part of a group.

Even a group of super-stressed out parents with red-scrunchy-faced screaming kids.

Maybe especially that group.

                             

                                   Here's my teenie weenie meanie. 

Why don't you put yours up?  Put your link in the comments here and we'll all stop by for a visit during your dark parenting hour.  How's that for support??

Comments

[canape]

Wow. Teenie weenie screemie meanie.

And yet, she's still adorable

[Wren]

Yes, I remember the little tyrant phase. I called mine Hitler, Mussolini, The Boss. But the article is right, they do get over it around three months of age. So, though every day seems like an eternity when you know you're going to have to face those horrible hours, know that it will pass. And try to laugh through it, I promise, it helps!

http://bnwren.livejournal.com/

[Jen]

Ack. I remember those moments ALL TOO WELL... Both of my kids also had a daily witching hour. I used to put them in the "magical swing", a fisher price ocean wonders swing, which I will swear by until the end of my days. A few minutes in that bad boy and they would be out like a light.

Good luck with your adorable teenie weenie meanie! You are definitely not alone!!

[bubandpie]

I always remember that line from Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions. In one entry, she is describing his manifold adorableness, and then the next entry is this: (I paraphrase)

The baby is scum. I hate him.

Yes - we've all been there. Totally, completely normal.

[slouching mom]

What a perfect, perfect photograph. It says it all.

[Kristen]

Yeah. She still looks like the man there too.

[Boliath]

I 2nd the fisher price swing, it also did the job for my boys witching hours which were 11-1 at night - every night - nearly drove me insane. My Mum who birthed 9 children told me to ignore it, it had nothing to do with me and the baby just needed to cry, easy to say difficult to do, but good to know it wasn't anything I was or wasn't doing. Good luck and commiserations.

[MammaLoves]

Oh yep! They tell you to put the baby in the crib, let them cry, don't let them sleep with you, don't let them sleep in their car seat.

And THEY don't stay at your house at night to make it better.

Do what works for you. My guys just wanted to be wrapped up tight/in tight spaces/next to me. It sucked...SUCKED!

But it does pass.

I promise.

[ali]

been there. many times.
{hugs}
:)

[Shannon]

I too, swear by the Fisher Price swing. The side to side motion works wonders. Mine would settle down in due time with that. Been there, you'll be ok. Don't be afriad to walk away for a bit and come back to her, she will be ok, I promise!!

[Daren]

Been there. Just left there the other day. Just as the baby hit 3 months, 1 day she stopped. The only thing that would calm her was laying on someone. Which is wonderful in 90 degree heat, lemme tell you.

Like Shannon said, don't be afraid to walk away, she will be okay while you collect the marbles.

You gotta do what you gotta do. If she'll only sleep in the swing, let her. No harm, no foul. That's my motto.

Good luck!

[Amy]

JEEBUS that scared the crap outta me. I KNOW that little face! I don't want to go back there! Don't make me!

EEEEeeeeeeee!!!!

[Angela]

My tiny chicken would scream mercilessly and nothing would stop her. The only sleep to be had was either on me or in the swing. She wanted what she wanted when she wanted it, and it was of no matter to her that we didn't speak the same language. (I don't understand shrieking). But 2 things happened. I read in one of my books that babies cry just because. Sometimes they need to get it out, that's their exercise. That was something I wanted to hear- it wasn't me not meeting her needs. So sometimes I just tried to remember that book, and let her get it out. Walked away if I needed to. Then the second thing happened- it stopped. She began to sleep, and her disposition (and mine too) became more pleasant. Motherhood is hard because every kid is different and every mom too- and it's not like any experience you've had before, and even if your friends tell you about it, it really can't prepare you. So let the little one exercise a little and hang in there!

[rachelw]

Back in my day... (my youngest is six...) they used to make these drops... I just can't remember their name. They were basically some kind of gas-curer, and you could buy them at the drugstore. The doctors all claimed they didn't work, but you'd shoot them into the babies' mouths and it was almost instant, the silence. And I can't believe I can't remember their name, because they saved our lives! Good luck! It is hard - but look how cute she is, even screaming!

[Rose]

I hate to offer unwanted assvice... but I can't help myself.
What saved us from the 6pm screaming meltdowns was the magic writen within the Happiest Baby on the Block book. I know you have no time what-so-ever to read a book right now so let me link to this here handy site which sumarizes the 5Ss (Swaddling, Side, Shhh, Swinging and Sucking). http://www.iinet.com/~julieand/baby/baby.htm
A tight blanket, tv making white noise, pacifier and me saved me many a times and helped our daughter calm down during those horrible horrible moments.
I pink puffy heart swaddling.

[mamatulip]

Oh, honey, I could have written this post myself at one point in time (okay, at several points in time).

This, too, shall pass.

(eventually)

[Lora]

Oh how well you described exactly how I felt when my son was a baby. After one particularly horrific night it was all I could do not to throw him down on the ground, quite literally. I wanted to just throw him as hard as I could, or maybe shake the crap out of him until his head snapped off. Thankfully I recognized what I was thinking of doing and did neither of those things but boy...the longing for it just to stop was so strong. And the drops the other lady mentioned...they are simethicone, commonly sold under the name Mylicon. I, too, agree that they were a life saver. For a while my baby was actually on baby xantac which also did wonders for how he was feeling. He had reflux when he was wee and that certainly didn't help his disposition!

[Shannon]

You're doing fine. You're completely normal and you're doing fine. Hang in there.

[Lindsey]

Gas Drops ===== MYLECON. Get some. Miraculous.

[mothergoosemouse]

Here's mine: http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/06/29/now-that-is-one-pissed-off-baby/

Those babies can be really grumpy. It's no wonder we get grumpy too.

[Colleen]

Found your site by way of Mothergoosemouse. For us, it was the bouncy seat, the swing and the boobs. That's all that ever worked.

Here's our dear one during that stage:

http://delaneydiaries.typepad.com/the_delaney_diaries/2007/06/screaming-meami.html

[Heather]

Here by way of Delaney Diaries. The Fisher Price side-to-side cradle swing was our godsend. Our first son (now 2 1/2) was exactly as you described. I knew I loved him at some level, but man I sure didn't like him for a long time. Now he is honestly the sweetest, cuddliest, most loveable little guy ever.

I have a 9-week old now and we didn't go through this with him at all. Amazing how different little guys can be.

[Nicole]

Ah yes, this is all still too fresh and totally why I'm saying grady may be an only child.

Nothing we tried really worked long term but some things worked short term. The swing, the swaddle, onion juice (yes you read correctly). My aunt told me to bake an onion and then squeeze the juice and put a couple of drops in his mouth. In complete desperation I tried it. It actually worked, not every time but it worked. He was also better sleeping in his car seat. Eventually he grew out of all of it so it does get better.

[Nicole]

Oh, click my name below to see a pic of Grady in the "colic carry"

[PDX Mama]

Oh, I love that picture. And your words are so very true, definitely been there. I have no dark hours to report anymore - it DOES end, I promise!!!

[In the Trenches of Mommyhood]

Came here via Mothergoosemouse. Can totally relate. My Middle had reflux and colic. We did not eat one single dinner the entire summer he was born where he wasn't screaming. I finally would put him up in his crib (the choice was that or shaken baby) w/o the baby monitor on so I could wolf down my meal in 2.9 seconds and go back up and gather him for more (in)consoling.
But it does get better! Promise. Mine is now a 3-year old who can whine when he wants something, instead of crying. Such joy.

[Heather AKA Epiphany Alone]

Found you via The Delaney Diaries. Here's mine:

http://epiphanyalone.blogspot.com/2007/07/strange-days-indeed.html

[mayberry]

Oh, YES. I put up one for you: http://mayberrymom.blogspot.com/2007/07/i-scream-you-scream.html

[Christina]

I totally understand how you feel, and find myself having those same feelings often lately. Mira is a fussy baby, too, just like her sister was.

Check out our fussy pics here:
http://amommystory.blogspot.com/2007/07/sick-day-post.html

[Jennifer]

Here's my link...
http://playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.blogspot.com/2007/07/better.html

I know all about crying, I'm an expert. This is not something I'd ever want to be the expert of!

[Swistle]

I have two squalling photos up:

http://swistle.blogspot.com/2007/06/bad-night-and-down-day-also-fathers-day.html

and

http://swistle.blogspot.com/2007/06/ups-also-downs.html

[kirsten]

Coming in a bit late to put my screamer in.....notice I'm posting at 3:24 a.m.?

http://ourbabe.blogspot.com/2007/06/girls.html

[Oh, The Joys]

A very late addition, but here you go!

http://othejoys.blogspot.com/2007/07/teenie-weenie-meanies.html

[Oh, The Joys]

It's late, but I did one for you...

http://othejoys.blogspot.com/2007/07/teenie-weenie-meanies.html