Letters to Motherhood Maternity

Written February 28th, 2007.  8:15 AM

Dear Motherhood Maternity,

What, are you kidding me?!  I purchased your Maternity underwear, in a size M, and imagine my surprise when I pulled them out of the package.  They looked not only just like my grandma's underpants, but they also appear to run about 2 sizes too big.  For her.  I'm guessing that 'M' is your abbreviation for 'Mammoth.'

Just take a look at this sorry excuse for a "Medium":

That doesn't impress you?  Look at this, then, for comparison (and shock value).

See the Mini-Me panty on the right?  That, dear Motherhood Maternity, is a Medium.  Now, I understand that I'm pregnant and that my very own proportions are changing and becoming more *hrm* voluptuous but I can't imagine how you justify calling your version of a size-medium anything less than size-absolutely-frigging-enormous.  It's an outrage.

And one more thing:

What's with using a billboard for a tag?!  Are we supposed to be able to read the "alleged" size as we DRIVE BY THE PANTIES at 77 MPH?  I guess that e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g is just over-sized there in Motherhood Maternityland.  I wish you guys sold ice cream cones...but then, I'd probably fit into your giant underpants.

Sincerely (a little disgruntled),

The New Girl

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Special Follow-Up Communication.  Written February 28th, 2007.  8:35 AM

Dear Motherhood Maternity,

Perhaps I was a little too hasty in sealing and sending my previous communication.  I quite possibly should have tried on your quality undergarments before I wrote that letter and certainly should have done so before I chased the mail-woman down the street while still wearing my bathrobe and slippers, to send it off in such a rush.

The very sad truth funny thing is *heh heh* that...well, I've found that not only are the underpants extremely comfortable but that they also fit my apparently rapidly growing pregnant ass size Medium frame perfectly.  So, please disregard the aforementioned letter.

I've even found a great use for the generously sized tag:

Taking notes for my next blog entry.

Your very loyal customer,

The New Girl

Comments

[TB]

It's so true, especially about the tags, which I cut out. I'm actually wearing the maternity thongs though because apparently I am a glutton for punishment. And by the way, there's nothing sexy about a pregnant woman in a thong.
I took a picture of my old bra alongside my new nursing bra... it was a revelation.

[M]

Been there, worn that!

[Amy]

Oh yes...humility is a virtue. Keep those suckers, they're even better Post Pregnancy to fit the HUGE pads...sigh. Even better if you can steal a few of the hospital stretchy ones, I'd PAY for some of them!!!

[mamatulip]

*snort* Wait till the nursing bras make an appearance. You could fill them with water and put them down for the dog to drink from, they're so big.

[Moira]

Oh honey... Wait till the Boob Fairy strikes.

[Jenn]

lol - scary, but true.... when I finally broke down and bought maternity underwear I was amazed, awed and swore I would never take them off again (don't worry, I did! but you get the idea.) :P

[Jennifer]

I may just go out right now and buy myself a pair of mammoth panties! I want to be sexy. And comfortable.

[Lou]

Oh God, I'm only 12 weeks along and I'm now terrified. I'm already making a mad dash to TJ Maxx tonight to find a bra that will contain my massive boobs.

[Redneck Mommy]

I bet that if I tried those on, they'd go right up to my arm pits.

Sexy.

I kinda miss being pregnant.

Wait a sec, I just remembered pregnancy; the constant peeing, the cravings, the stretch marks, the labour, the hemmorhoids.

Nope, don't miss it at all.

But I do miss the mammoth panties.

[Wren]

My thoughts exactly! I remember the day I told a fellow preggo at MM to buy some of their undies, how fantastically comfortable they are, and her giving me an evil look as she paid for them. I wish all underwear/clothes could be as comfy as the ones I wore when I was pregnant!

[JChase]

Hee hee hee! Too funny!

[Mrs. Chicken]

Isn't it amazing how we grow and our self-perception remains the same?

This is abso-fucking-lutely hilarious!

[Kristen]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA.

Seriously. Now that is fucking hilarious.

[Amy]

OMG, that just made my day!