Balancing The Scales

Surreal.

It is surreal to me, looking back at the previous posts here and the entries in my food/exercise log from before.  The latest one I had was from before I was pregnant with my daughter. And then the entries just stop.  I had lost a significant amount of weight and was maintaining when I got pregnant.  I was super sick and didn't gain much and so, didn't have much to lose that first time. 

But she was a tough infant and I slowly gained after the year + of deprivation and when I got pregnant with my son, I was maybe 10lbs above where I wanted to be.  I gained an average/typical amount of weight with him (25 lbs, I think) but I didn't lose that much and so now, here I am, trying to rid myself of baby weight plus just regular weight.

Also surreal to me, though, is my SHAPE.  It is not at all what it was when I gained weight before.  My middle is still, DISTENDED almost.  I still look pregnant four months later.  I don't know when that goes away...I'm assuming it does, more or less, with diet and exercise, yes?  I mean, of all the women I know, the only ones who look pregnant are the ones who are, you know PREGNANT (or just post-partum.)

Sigh.

Here are my measurements.  I am up so much from the entries of 2/06 that it is a little weird.

Bi: 11in
Chest 40.25
Waist: 39.5
Gut: 41.5
Hips: 40.5
Butt: 42.5
Thighs: 24.75
Knees: 18.25
Calves: 14.5

Whoa.

I'll post pictures if I can get around to taking them. OMG.

Weigh In

151.3

This coming week my goal is to get to the gym at least 4 days (last week, TLNG got sick and there was only Mon/Tues. workouts completed.)

OOF.

152, folks. 

Well, 152.(8) on my digital scale if we're being TOTALLY frank.

I'm, well--I don't know what to say about that.

*sigh*

Perhaps You (Mis)Heard.

Oh HEY!  How are you?  Were you here to check and see how hard my scale was laughing at me this morning? 

Well.

It went like this, see?  The Man woke me a little early to ask me if I could make him some breakfast for the road (since he woke up late.)  So I did (because I like him and he pays most of the bills.)  I went right to the kitchen and made him two egg sandwiches [and one for me], forgetting COMPLETELY the deal that I'd struck with you [both] all yesterday.

So.

I ate my [egg sandwich] breakfast and then I remembered that The Little Sister had invited us over for [croissants] breakfast at her house.  So when The Littlest New Girl woke up, I dressed her and headed over for [delicious flakiness] Second Breakfast [because I'm basically a Hobbit]. 

I did remember, eventually, that I had not weighed myself.  And the good news is [I still don't know the number lalalalalaaaa]  I was on my way to the gym when I recalled.  I'm going to remember tomorrow, for sure.

Also up: I'm trying out The Little Sister's workout of Teh Combination Moves.  I'll let you know more ASAP, but I can tell you this: I'm already sore. 

What's Up, Yo (-Yo)?

I'm coming to terms with the fact that within a somewhat limited range, I'm up and down like a you-know-what.  I'm no yo-yo dieter.  I don't really diet, per se.  I just go through periods where I drop the working out to an insufficient level and up the eating to an overly-sufficient level and VIOLA! 

Size 12 pants.*

So, I'm *renewing* my commitment to myself re: working out, eating better and being conscious and mindful.  I've yet to weigh myself.  It's going to be a wee bit painful, I think.  But honesty is the best policy (for me, anyway), so I'm going to do it tomorrow morning and post it here, for fuck's sake.

I'm putting off the Thinking About WHY I'm up and down and up and down, at least for a little while.

One thing at a time.



*I'm not like, totally freaking and/or obsessing about the pants size, I'm just being honest about the latest weight gain.  I mean, it's not like *fabulous* to be buying bigger pants but you know, I'm keeping it all in perspective.  I think.

All Is Quiet On The Kid's Club Front

So, it looks as though my plan was/is, um, a success.  I don't want to jinx it.  I have been wary and unable to trust that my kid wasn't going to flip-shit on me and once again go into Level-5 Meltdown Mode upon being dropped off at the Kid's Club but it looks as though we've turned a corner.

A lovely, beautiful corner.

From here on in, it's going to be a process of stretching the length of time she's in there, so by the time late fall rolls around, I'll be able to do an entire workout in the gym.

*AHHH*

So, NOW what am I going to talk about?

Wednesday Weigh-In

Today's weight: 143.8

So, I haven't been recording my weight very faithfully. I looked back in my journal (which is pretty half-assed at the moment, truth be told) and I don't have anything recorded in there since 7/16. The weight then was also 143.something.

My clothes are feeling a little tight. Not totally uncomfortable (physically) but pretty uncomfortable psychologically.

I didn't go to the gym yesterday. I went grocery shopping instead, in anticipation of having a get-together in the afternoon that was canceled. And last night, I ate my weight in cookies. (P.S. I say this not because I am feeling guilty about skipping the gym. I've been working out harder than I have in a long time with the early success of my get-the-kid-into-the-daycare-plan. I just make the point that when I don't work out, I often find myself over-indulging, although that makes no kind of sense. It also lends to a general feeling of WTF?)

So, there's that.

After the weigh-in today, I feel a stronger commitment to get/stay in a good pattern with working out in particular. I'm still a little sore from the increased focus on my upper body over the last few days and it's good.

I'm still tired and I'm (shamefully) back up to two cups of tea a day. It might be habit more than anything but I crave it in the morning now.

And lastly, I'm going to do something exciting today. I'm meeting a brand new friend for lunch after TLNG's nap today. Reaching out and making connections. I'm looking forward to it and hoping that TLNG is able to tolerate the drive. It's something that I wouldn't have considered a couple months ago.

But hell, she's almost like a normal kid these days.

The Week In Review

This week:

I walked on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.

I lifted only on Tuesday.

Tuesday night, TLNG had the worst night in months (fucking teething) and so, I was spent.  That day, I had TWO teas and THREE treats.  Chocolate cake, oatmeal cookie and italian ice (right before bed...wahhh??)

All the other days, I kept to one treat (even though they were biggish), and one tea in the afternoon.

I weighed myself this morning and I was up a 2 pounds to 145. 

So.  I am in that place where the momentum is going the wrong way and I am exerting force to try to turn it around.  I can apply more pressure by working out more and eating less, I suppose.  There's some room for that.  But usually, it takes a sustained effort (sometimes more than a few weeks) to slow and stop the weight gain and then to turn it around.

We'll see.  I'm going to keep on keepin' on.

Today's Crazy 'Dear Diary' Type Entry

Dear [Internet] Diary,

Since I wrote the last [post] entry on Tuesday night, I've been doing pretty well, overall (even though it's only Friday).  I've been taking fast walks in the morning.  I took TLNG to the gym to scream it out for 10 minutes (trying to de-sensitize that one.)  Today, I was extra sleep-deprived and so had a tea in the morning.  Will try to avoid afternoon tea but since The Nephew is coming over and I'm still tired as can be, I am thinking I'll cave on that.  (Never mind the boiling electric kettle, you neb-shits.)

In other, even more boring and ridiculous dietary news, I am trying to limit myself to one snack/chocolate thing a day.

Because for me, a day without SOME kind of snack is NO KIND OF DAY AT ALL.

Love,

The New Girl

Weigh-In Wednesday

I haven't written anything in my journal since 7/3.  I had the two awaycations back to back and with them came more sleep deprivation (TLNG waking up at like 4am for the DAY) and waaay less energy.  Today (7/14) I spent the morning food shopping and the baby's nap time cleaning up the house.  I felt better with it organized and so it wasn't a horrible way to spend the time.

My body is achy and sore, though, mostly from tension and a lack of exercise.  It seems that the morning fast(ish) walks that I've been taking have had a good tension-reducing effect. I hadn't noticed the muscle tension was gone until it came back. 

I've also begun to drink a morning AND afternoon cup of tea.  It is a by-product of the routine wreck that happened but it's really no good for me.  My body is supah-dupah sensitive to caffeine and it will start to mess with my stomach soon.

So, for this week, my goal is to walk pretty much every morning, to write in my journal a little every day and to stick with the one cup of tea per day.  Maybe make it to the gym one day for TLNG to practice freaking out in the Kid's Club.

We'll see how I do.

Today I weighed:143,6

(I pretty much feel like I'm *going like a bat out of hell in the wrong direction,* which is a saying that my friend, The Kid and I use to describe that phenomenon of getting lost in your car and tearing all over to find the right way, hence, *going like a bat out of hell in the wrong direction...*'