Balancing The Scales

Peanut Butter Balls. OMFG.

Here's a recipe for Peanut Butter Balls. It's so good, Shriek House and I are going to found a 12 step program to deal with detox. After the holidays, of course. (Just one more, please!)

Anyway.

This is a recipe for Buckeyes, probably, but I'm not about to go getting all fussy with the toothpick in there and chocolate only half-way up and neither, apparently, was my mother--bless her soul--and so, we all get to say BALLS! during the holiday season.  And I can think of no better homage to my mother than chocolate, peanut butter and saying BALLS! on a holiday.  Really, you should have known her. She was a remarkable woman.

BUT if you are fuss-prone, or want the real deal, you can stick a toothpick in it (HA!) and dip the balls into the chocolate only part-way up.

All righty. Here we go. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Peanut Butter Balls (of heaven)

Ingredients:

1 1/2 C. Peanut Butter (the recipe calls for creamy but I use chunky because I'm edgy like that)
1/2 C. Butter, softened
1 tsp Vanilla
4 C. SIFTED Confectioner's Sugar
6 oz of Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips (HAHAHAHA! I used, like, the whole bag.)
2 TBSP Shortening (I use Earth Balance veggie shortening with no nasties but if you're into Crisco, do your thing.)

Instructions:

1. Line baking sheet with waxed paper and set aside.

2. In a medium bowl, mix peanut butter, butter, vanilla and confectioner's sugar* with hands to form a smooth, stiff dough. (I'm going to avoid the mix-with-hands-to-make-it-stiff thing.) Shape into balls** and refrigerate.

3. Melt chocolate & shortening in a double boiler (I use a pyrex bowl over some simmering water) until smooth & remove from heat.

4. Submerge each ball into the chocolate and fish it out with two forks.  Drain a little of the excess chocolate & return to waxed paper.

5. Chill 30 minutes to set.

6. Welcome to the dark side.

 

*Make sure that you SIFT the sugar BEFORE you MEASURE the sugar.  4 cups sifted is something like 3847765 cups unsifted.  It will fuck up the balls, for REALZ.

**The recipe calls for 2 tsp per ball but I make them considerably smaller.  Maybe 1 tsp. This is just my preference, as I like them 1-bite pop-ems, instead of 2-bite lick-the-melted-chocolate-off-your-fingers-at-a-party. But, whatever you like.

 

Grandma's Orange Cookies

Does anyone find it ironic that I'm putting a recipe for cookies on a site called Balancing the Scales? As in...MAAAAYBE THAT'S WHY I CAN'T?!

Ahem.

Anyway.  It's the holidays.

Grandma's Orange Cookies (it makes a lot of cookies)

Ingredients:

1C Butter
2C Sugar
2 Eggs
4 1/2 C flour
2 tsp Baking Soda
1 tsp Baking powder
1C Buttermilk (Or you can make your own like I did*)
Rind & Juice of one orange
(I added a little pinch of salt)

Instructions:

Cream sugar & butter til fluffy.  Beat in eggs, one at a time. Add orange juice & rind.  Sift dry ingredients and add alternately with milk.  Drop on greased cookie sheet & bake at 350 for 8 min.

(I found 8 min in my oven was not enough time. 9-10 minutes did it.  You don't want them overdone, though, or they dry out.  These cookies come out cake-like and not too sweet. Which makes a nice balance with the sweet frosting.)

Orange Frosting

Ingredients:

1/4 C Butter
1 lb Powdered sugar
Juice & rind of one orange

Instructions:

Mix together & frost cookies.

(Yes. That's for real what the recipe said. I was all, 'WHAT?! WHAT KIND OF INSTRUCTION IS THAAAT?!' But I just ran the mixer over the butter for a little bit, heaped the sugar on top and added the rind/juice and mixed it.  Turned out great.)

*I made the buttermilk (which is called sour milk, but I think that's gross, so I just say I made my own buttermilk) by putting 1 TBSP of white vinegar in a measuring cup and then putting milk up to the 1C mark.  I let it sit for 5-10 minutes or so and used it. I couldn't tell the difference in the taste of the cookies. They taste just like I remember. So, maybe my mom and gramma were ALSO [too lazy] tied to the house with napping kids and so were unable to go to the store to get buttermilk.

A Back-Log Of Bentos.

Believe it or not, I have a back-log of bentos.  I've started taking the pictures from different angles because this straight overhead shot? I don't love it. These are all lunches from a while back, thus, straight overhead shots.

Welp.

You know how that goes, I suppose.

 

This is a bento(ish) snack that I took to work with me.  I worked for the afternoon & evening, so this is kind of two+ snacks, in lieu of dinner.  A babybel cheese, yogurt raisins, peanut butter cracker sandwiches, made on Back to Nature crackers and Newman's Own pretzels.

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In my dollar store 'bento container' there is: veggie turkey slices with animal mini-forks, applesauce with two fruit-leather flowers on top (I love the way these look but my kid has consistently rejected the fruit leather. *sigh*) cheddar squares, pepper strips and grape tomatoes.  The smaller side contains part of an almond croissant, raspberries and giant white beans.

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A silicone cup of beans & olives, cheddar squares, veggie straws, some Newman's Own alphabet cookies, tomatoes with a dolphin pick.  Cantaloupe & raspberries.

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Two veggie chicken nuggets with a frog pick, pickles, cheese crackers (Back to Nature,) grape tomatoes, alphabet cookies. Cantaloupe & raspberries.

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Black olives (part of dinner the night before, carrot 'circles' and a tomato, Babybel cheese, blueberries, raspberries, cantaloupe and some BTN wheat crackers.

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Veggie turkey slices, red pepper rings, babybel cheese 'flower,' Fig Newman and some cheese crackers. Grapes on the vine and strawberries.

I have another post that's a week of bentos and then maybe I'll start posting them more frequently.

Maybe.

In-Law Dinner.

You know what I thought might be fun and interesting? (Maybe?) I thought it might be fun and interesting if I kept a record of the dinners that I served when my MIL comes for dinner.  I used to call them my MIL dinners but now my dad comes, too, so I've taken to calling them In-Law dinners.

Anyway.

This past week, I served Penne with Zucchini and a no-cook Alfredo sauce.  We had a green salad and for dessert, I made a chocolate oil cake with a half cup mini-chocolate chips added and a French Creme Frosting.

YUMMMMMMO.

Penne Alfredo with Zucchini

Ingredients:

1 small onion, diced
4 smallish zucchini, halved and chopped 1/4 in or so
Olive oil and a little butter
Salt & pepper to taste

Alfredo sauce

Penne pasta (with a little reserved pasta water, just in case.)

Instructions:

Put oil/butter into large skillet and saute onion until soft.  Add zucchini and stir to coat.  Cook until tender. (5-7 minutes, maybe?) Turn off heat.

Meanwhile, boil water for pasta, cook penne and make the Alfredo Sauce.

[Here's the recipe for the EASY PEASY NO-COOK ALFREDO.  I got it from All Recipes.

I fiddled with it a little.  I used 50/50 Smart Balance/Butter Blend instead of straight butter and I used half & half instead of heavy cream.  My whipped mess looked less like softly scrambled eggs and more like what I imagine curds & whey would look like, Miss Muffet, but it went onto the pasta just fine and it was great.]

When pasta is finished, drain it quickly and return it to pot.  Dump in zucchini mixture & give a quick stir and then dump in alfredo sauce and mix it thoroughly.  It will look thin and kind of watery but give it a few minutes and it will thicken up and be WONDERFUL.

(Sorry I don't have any pictures but it miiiiight be a little difficult to explain to my MIL why I am PHOTOGRAPHING my dinner.)

Anyway.

The oil cake recipe is the same as ever.  I added 1/2 cup of mini-chocolate chips to the batter.

I made this easy and awesome frosting:

French Creme Frosting

 Ingredients:

2 Tbsp flour
1/2 c milk
1/2 c butter
1/2 c sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla

Instructions:

-Cook milk & flour together until thick.

-Beat butter/sugar together until light & well blended. Add vanilla, flour & milk mixture & beat until creamy & light.

-Frost cake.

This frosting is not too sweet and it really is good.  I tried to use the 50/50 blend but it is much softer than butter and tends to be too loose to use as frosting.  If it seems to liquidy when you're making it (the flour/milk mixture can melt the butter if it's not all the way cool,) just pop the bowl into the freezer for a few minutes and VIOLA! Frosting consistency.

mmmm.

Week of Kind-Of Bentos

Who knows what I'm doing here, really?

Don't worry. It was a rhetorical question.

I suppose I'm posting pics of these lunches that I make my girl but I'd hesitate to call them 'Real Bentos,' if you know what I'm saying.  All I know is that it is fun and I enjoy it.  I think that for my girl, seeing a beautifully arranged plate that contains a modest amount of a variety of foods, holds her interest and stimulates her appetite.

I'm not even sure why I post them, except that for whatever reason, I like to look at other people's cute lunches that they prepare for their kids.

So, it's maybe...a hobby?

ANYWAY.

Here's a week of our kind-of bentos:

 

Applesauce with some cinnamon sugar, veggie turkey slices, organic American cheese flowers, yogurt raisins and grape tomatoes with what my kid calls the 'Hula Duck' pick. The small side contains raspberries & blueberries, cup of olives and a couple pretzels.

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These all start to look the same, I think. Applesauce, veggie turkey, pickles, colby-jack triangles, yogurt raisins and veggie straws. The small side contains a rice fish (shaped in an egg mold) and raspberries and blueberries.

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Trying different angles for the food because the straight-up overhead shot isn't always doing it for me. My girl has veggie turkey slices with animal picks, beet salad (yum) veggie straws, olives and a baby bell cheese with heart cut-out. The small side contains raspberries, blackberries and strawberries.

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Veggie turkey, blueberries and baby bell cheese, organic cheese puffs and a cup of raspberries & blackberries.  Cucumber slices and grape tomatoes with a cup of homemade ranch dressing and a couple black olives.

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A baby bell cheese, a few grapes and some apple slices. A Fig Newman cookie (which my kid inexplicably calls a 'Tin Tuman,' wth?) some cheese crackers, a silicone cup of sunflower seed kernels, grape tomatoes and a butterfly PB&J sandwich. (I made this lunch in a recycled Chinese food container, so..you know.)

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Car-shaped hard boiled egg, some cheese crackers, a Tin Tuman, carrot sticks and a cup of Newman's Own Ceasar dressing and a couple grape tomatoes. The small side containes orange/strawberry slices and a few grapes with a cute little stem pick.

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Veggie turkey slices, organic American cheese flowers, red pepper strips, cup of ceasar dressing, some Back to Nature poppy seed crackers (they are hexagons, which my daughter pronounces 'hoxagons,' which is so cute, I'm loathe to correct her,) and a cup of sunflower seed kernels.  Cut strawberries and some grapes fill the smaller section.

I love Bento Blogs that showcase things like themed bentos and the like.  I haven't been able to get myself past the 'Sorta Bento' phase but who knows? Maybe one day.

 

Another Week(ish) of Bento(ish)

Here is a week or so of bento(ish) lunches for my girl:

In this dollar store bento(ish) container, there are two pieces of Tofurkey with animal picks and a silicone cup of applesauce. In the big side, there is a silicone cup of blueberries, the ubiquitous grape tomatoes with a fish pick, a silicone cup of olives and some home cut cheddar-jack cheese sticks.

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This picture looks like it's sliding off the computer screen. In the big section is a sliced apple (dipped in oj to prevent browning but that middle piece looks a little like it could've used some extra dipping,) a little cup of Annie's cheese bunny crackers, a Baby Bell cheese, two cherries and some yellow bell pepper slices.  In the small side are grape tomatoes and pickle slices.  That Zoe pick was actually a decoration from my daughter's birthday cake last year.  She found it and asked if it would work in her 'Pretty Lunches' and it DOES!

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In the big part, there are pickle slices, jack-cheddar sticks, grape tomatoes with Zoe and a few Back to Nature round crackers. In the small part are some watermelon cubes and some blueberries. My kid is nuts about fruit.

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This bento(ish) is way more Ish than it is bento.  Look at all the spaces!  I think I'd just gotten home from grocery shopping, so, whatever. In the small part are olives and a silicone cup of Snikkidy natural cheese puffs and one grape tomato, trying to hide that hole in the corner. On the big side are grape tomatoes with an octopus pick, yogurt covered raisins, mini whole wheat pita filled with hummus and raspberries and blueberries.

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On the big side are organic American cheese animals, grape tomatoes with a little girl pick, some cheese puffs, mini whole wheat pita and a cup of hummus with two olives in it.  On the small side are apple slices (apparently, were dipped more effectively,) and strawberry slices.

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In the big part, there is a slice of Tofurkey with a rabbit pick, jack-cheddar sticks, tomatoes with a bazillion picks, olives, a few Newman's Own pretzels and a silicone cup of mixed Annie's Bunny Grahams and yogurt covered raisins.  In the small part are sliced strawberries, blueberries and raspberries.

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Here we have left over meatballs with an elephant pick, tomatoes with a duck pick, some cheese puffs, yogurt raisins and some green pepper 'birds' (if you make rings and then slice them, they look like little birds.) In the small part are blueberries and the last good cantaloupe of the summer.

I am WEEPING at the end of the summer fruits.  I mean, I like apples and pears all right, but MELON! and BERRIES! and NECTARINES! Every year. So sad.

Insecurities.

I don't have too many of them, honestly. 

I am not riddled with insecurities that plague my life and for that, I give credit to age and work in therapy.  I am naturally gregarious and (probably a little oblivious) and so I am socially confident, mostly.  I enjoy meeting new people and [barraging them with hundreds of questions] learning about them.

I have an easy-going, easy-to-laugh (even at my self) demeanor.  I think I'm also kind of easy to be around. I think I'm certain kinds of smart and overall smart-enough (I'm not taking any math quizzes from you but you know, other than that.)

But.

You knew there was a but coming, right?

But.

Here's the but:

It's my Butt.

Well, and my middle and other parts.  Basically, my overall body shape right now.

I am feeling insecure about the way I look, in other words.  And I don't love it.

I mean, I don't love feeling insecure.  About not loving the way I look.

Especially about that in particular.

Having that insecurity bothers me more than others might, I think.  It's not easy for me to articulate why that is, other than to say that it's so...I don't know.

See? Not so articulate, right?

On one hand, I feel like it's something that I shouldn't feel insecure about.  I mean, I ate too much and didn't exercise enough, I put on some weight and whatever.  So, my pants are bigger than I'd like and I have a skooshy middle (partially thanks to mah 9 month old and partially to aforementioned eating/not exercising.)  It's not like I can't lose it.  Who really cares about it anyway?

And on the other hand, I know lots of people care about it.  Not necessarily earth-shattering news flash, there, I know.  And while I don't care about whether or not YOU gain weight and it has absolutely no bearing on what I think of you as a person and while I honestly don't really care so much what other people are thinking of me as a general rule, I still have this mental glitch, here.

I feel like having an excess 30 pounds obscures my real body shape underneath.  I am not projecting the real me out into the world. 

You see what I'm saying?

This 30 pounds I'm carrying around make me look and feel like someone else.  It has transformed me (I've transformed myself, in other words) into a somewhat shapeless, somewhat larger version of myself.

And for whatever reason, it makes me feel awkward in not only every outfit I have and have purchased recently but, unfortunately, even in my own skin.

Insecurities suck.

That's about as articulate I'm getting, I guess.

A Week Or So Of Bento(ish) Lunches.

Even though I don't pack my daughter's lunch for school yet, I found lunch goes much more smoothly if I make hers in the morning while the kids are eating breakfast and I'm getting The Man a lunch together anyway.  It solves the 'We're just back from an outing and she's starving and I'm scrambling to get my shit together' problem.  We walk in and I set her up [with her videos] at the kitchen table and grab the lunch out of the fridge.

In this dollar store dish (that came with a lid,) in the big section is a silicone cup of cucumber slices, some grape tomatoes with three picks and a silicone cup of meatballs (left over from dinner) with another pick.  The smaller section holds a fruit salad of raspberries, cantaloupe and blueberries.

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My food photos are wonky and not all that appealing, I'm afraid. I have to research how to do it better.  I was a photo major in undergrad (TFS!) and when we were assigned a 'Food Photography' lesson, I failed miserably.  At the critique, my teacher said my food looked like it was going to slide off the table.  Not much has changed, I guess.

In this container: silicone cup of apple slices (dipped in OJ to stop them from browning), carrot 'coins', raspberries, a babybel cheese with a cut-out shape and a few TLC crackers.  In the smaller side: some grape tomatoes on a pick and a silicone cup of pickles.

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This was the first bento that ever made it out of my house!  It's a snack bento box that I ordered online.  It has a cute locking lid.  In it is a silicone cup of yogurt raisins, some organic turkey rolled up on two animal mini-forks, some carrot coins and some blueberries.

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Are you noticing that my kid LOVES HER SOME GRAPE TOMATOES? lmfao. Also, that I have but TWO silicone cups?  (I bought very limited supplies, not wanting to invest a lot of money until I decided if I liked this way of serving food.)  Big part has grape tomatoes on a dolphin pick (my kid also loves her some picks!) A cucumber with the seeds HACKED OUT with what is supposed to look like a star, a silicone cup of Giant White Bean Salady thing from Wegman's olive bar.  There are some stars cut from organic American cheese. 

The small part has some olives (with American cheese star) and a piece of barran to separate out the OVER-GARLICKED pasta salad.

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My girl is not partial to sandwiches, but I wanted to give it a try.  In the big part: strawberry slices, cucumber slices and a PB & J that I cut with a butterfly cookie cutter (cheapie from the dollar store.) I put a piece of fruit leather that I cut with a smaller cookie cutter.  (My daughter found it too hard and didn't love it, so I'm replacing it with some softer, only fruit in it fruit snack.) 

In the small part: the rest of the bean salad, some ever-present grape tomatoes (can't wait for our gardens' to be ripe) and a small cup of yogurt raisins.

All these are going to start to look the same, I think.  Anyway, there's a silicone cup with organic applesauce, with a little cinnamon sugar on top and some cheddar-jack cheese that I cut into teeny-tiny sticks (for whatever reason, this appeals to my kid,) some organic turkey that wouldn't roll, chunked up and held by animal mini-forks and some raspberries. 

The small section holds The Effing Grape Tomatoes, cucumber slices and olives.

The Journey Of Losing 30 Pounds Starts With...Meh, What The Hell Do I Know?

So.

I've started [yet aFUCKINGgain] to keep track of my weight, eating and physical exercise.  I weighed myself about 2 weeks ago.

Um.

165.

That's about 30 pounds to lose.

*sigh*

I've lost around that amount of weight probably twice before.  Maybe three times.  And here I am again.  I gain weight for lots of *reasons.*  I am aware that other people use the word *excuses* but I'm not partial to it, feeling that it's sort of...punitive?  Making Weight and Eating and Not Working Out, like, Moral Issues.  I am also aware, that for lots of people, making Weight and Eating and Not Working Out a kind of Moral Issue is Motivating. 

For me, it is the opposite of motivating.

And thus: To me, they are reasons.

I began gym-going and exercising near the end of high school.  I was toned and fit and in great condition, physically.  The first time I gained a lot of weight was my sophomore year in college.  (The BK-Three-Times-A-Day and the 'Bar None Runs' to the vending machine caught up with me.) 

I lost that weight between senior year and the following year.  By working out and having a Paid-Attention-To diet.

The next time I gained a lot of weight was in grad school.  Or, rather, the year after grad school, when I was working full time and doing my thesis.  (Chicken Cheese Steak dinners [pre-veggie days!] and too little sleep and absolutely NO exercise.)

I lost that weight after a couple years, I think.  Maybe not all of it.

Then, I went on a vacation to Italy, France and England.  In the way that often happens to me, I had an epiphany there, thing upon thing, converged to bring me some kind of new awareness.  Seeing the women of Europe, even those in the country of my people, was sobering and eye-opening. 

I lost the rest of the weight and then some, maybe 6 years ago.

And then, my mom died.  And I had two kids. 

And here I am.

Each time that I've gained weight, it has been due--in total, really--to a stressful situation which seems to [pulverize] knock out my Paying Attention to what I'm eating and my Consistent, if not moderate exercise.  I eat with abandon and I literally don't exercise. Like, at all.  Or, if I do, it is negligible.  Negligible! 

So, I don't really know what to make of that. (Are you all, 'Maybe next time figure it out BEFORE you hit publish?)

I have spent a lot of time thinking about how inconsistent I am.  I have berated myself, I think, for continually stopping and starting.  At the very least, I have wished that my range had a top and a bottom that were, you know, maybe TEN pounds apart, instead of THIRTY.

And yet.

In my cycles that wax and wane, I easily overlook the times that I've 'Waxed on Exercise and Paying Attention to Eating' and 'Waned on Not Exercising and Shoving My Face,' in favor of feeling and living in the frustration of having to 'do it all over again.'

Does that make sense?

I've been in great shape in my lifetime.  I mean, great shape.  More than once. (I'm not just talking about weight.) And for me (and I'm ONLY speaking for me, trust,) it doesn't take a whole lot of painful sacrifice to get where I want to be.  I remember the last time that I was Waxing on Exercise and Paying Attention to Eating, a coworker asked me 'what I was doing.'  I told her that I was just exercising regularly and watching what I ate.  'Oh, I don't want to hear about that,' she said.

I clearly remember thinking that there is no terrible sacrifice for me when I'm doing the things that will get me to my goal.  It just (for me! ONLY ME!) takes a consistent, day-in-day-out performance. 

That's where I get hung up.  In case you're new here or are the Biggest Skimmer Ever.

But why don't I look at it through a new viewfinder?  Like, why don't I think that I've done this before and so...I know how to do it?  I know what to do.  My body is strong and it remembers.  It wants to remember.  Why don't I think, in the morning, that each day is like a bead on an abacus, that could move me toward or away from my goal?  So, each day, all day, I've only got to deal with, you know, that day? 

I think I'll try it.

I want to lose the weight.

I don't like the way I look right now but I don't disgust myself.  I have no self-loathing for the way I look, even if I don't accept or embrace it.  If you know what I'm saying.  I don't feel like a bad person or a failure for getting myself here.  I'm not proselytizing the new religion of *fitness.*  I'm not making excuses for why I've gained the weight.  I'm not lying to myself about the effort that will be necessary to take it off and keep it off.

I'm not wanting to be perfect.  I don't think I'm going to be super happy or that all my problems will go away.  I don't think it's all about looks. Although, I prefer my body a smaller size and I want to fit into my old clothes.

I'm not judging, though, if you want to lose weight, or lost weight, in order to feel more attractive.  Or, if you think it's more attractive to be slim.  Or, even, if you think it's the *only* attractive and that *everyone* should be slim.  I'm not judging if self-reproach or making physical activity/food intake a kind of moral issue is motivating to you.  I'm really and truly not. 

I'm not judging you, even if you're judging me. 

I'm a firm believer in the Whatever Works for You school of thought.  There's room enough for all of us on this great big ball of dirt on which we all reside.  Even if some of us are chubby.

I want to lose the 30 pounds. 

Maybe, possibly, hopefully, for the last time.

Bento(ish)

I'm starting a new category and keeping track of my Bento [fetish] interest here.  I'll soon link up all the interesting bento blogs that I love.  There are a lot of great ones.  What *I* do, I don't think could be confused with ACTUAL bento.  My take, is [way half-assed], well, you'll see.

I bought some minimal supplies and I've been putting together what my daughter calls 'Pretty Lunches.'  It's increased her visual interest and her participation at lunch time, typically a pretty hectic time around here.  I take an extra 30 seconds to make a nice arrangement, add a cute pick and that's about all she wrote.

Here's one:

This is one of two little dishes that I got at a dollar store. (Before I decided to spend lots of money on boxes, I thought I'd try out the 'concept.'  You know.)  In the small section is a small silicone cup with yogurt covered raisins, some grape tomatoes with a duck pick and some cheddar-jack cheese that I make into mini-sticks. In the bigger section is a big strawberry, a silicone cup of cucumbers and a 'fake' chicken finger (vegetarian meat.) There are two star-shaped cut outs of fruit leather.

There are lots of spaces left and so, you know, Bento(ISH) but she loved the look of the stars, in particular.

Here's another:

In the small section is a silicone cup of blueberries and some grape tomatoes (one of her favorites) with a cute little tomato pick that you can't see because I am a conard and I didn't position it for the photo I was taking. In the large section, is a line of raspberries with some silicon barran between the berries and the rest. There is a baby-bell cheese with a little flower of the wax cut out (mini-cookie cutters, I let TLNG pick the shape) some cheese crackers (Back to Nature) a silicone cup of pickles and some carrot 'coins.'

I made this in the morning when I packed The Man's lunch and put it in the fridge and then when we got home from the library, I just whipped it out onto the table.  It was better that way and I'm trying that again today.  It honestly didn't take but a few seconds more to arrange the food this way and she really, really digs it.